Love hurts.
You finally find someone you thought was "Mr. or Ms. Right," only to learn they were all wrong. It just doesn't seem fair.
The good news is that time heals all wounds. While it wasn't the most pleasant feeling, it was definitely a learning experience. How can you mend a broken heart? According to grief counselor and breakup expert Susan J. Elliot, the end of a relationship is the same as other grief processes, which means there are phases to the process. The phases of breakup grief include "shock and disbelief," "review and painful relinquishment," and "reorganization, integration and acceptance." How an individual moves through these phases is based on the nature of their break-up as well as the individual's personality.{relatedarticles}
To help you through a break-up, it's important to have a plan of action. These 10 tips will help you ease the pain. It's important to keep in mind that everybody is different and recovers at their own rate.
Tip #1: Face the Pain
The worst thing you can do is turn away from your emotional pain and deny you are hurt. This will bury your feelings making it possible for them to emerge some other time when it isn't appropriate to feel them, for example, when you are in a new relationship.
The best way to face the pain of your broken heart is to think as much as you want to about the relationship, cry as much as you need to and talk to someone who will listen to you. Find a shoulder to cry on whether it's a family member, friend or professional. Processing what happened in the relationship by getting it all out will help make sense of it, so you can accept the reality and move on.
Tip #2: Understand the Relationship
Why didn't the relationship work out? To answer this, think about the relationship and all of the reasons why it just wasn't headed in the direction you or your ex wanted it to go in.
List all of the reasons why the breakup occurred and allow yourself to take it all in. Again, cry over it if you need to. The best part of this exercise is realizing and accepting the flaws in the relationship. As you unearth the major shortcomings, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that your relationship wasn't built to last.{relatedarticles}
Tip #3: List All the Reasons He Wasn't "The One"
No one is perfect, and a breakup is the ideal time to point out all of your ex's imperfections. What really got under your skin about him? What do you want out of someone else? The relationship didn't work out for a reason. Even if you can't find anything wrong with him, the mere fact he wasn't willing to work out the difficulties should be a major strike against him.
Relationships require work from both people, and it is difficult to make love last if one doesn't want to put in the effort to make the other happy.
Tip #4: List Your Awesomeness
Breakups can make you feel like you are a horrible person that no one will ever love again. Good thing this is simply not true.
Think hard about all of the qualities you love about yourself. Think about what your friends and family love about you. Be honest with yourself, not self-conscious. You are a great person, no matter if you make mistakes. You just need to realize it and that will make you feel you are strong enough to repair your broken heart and worthy to allow someone to love you again.{relatedarticles}
Tip #5: Take Care of Yourself
When you are depressed over a breakup, you might start eating and sleeping more or less than you normally do. This can make you feel ill and even more upset over the breakup.
Sleeping the right amount gives you even more energy and helps you process your emotions better. Eating well will help you feel less sluggish and provide you with the energy you need to get moving. Exercise will get your heart pumping and release endorphins that will help you feel better about yourself and the situation.
Tip #6: Think About Your Independence
Was there anything you wanted to do that you couldn't because you were in a relationship? Maybe you wanted to hang out with your friends more, have more time with family or see particular movies your ex didn't like to see. Now is your chance to do whatever you feel like doing with whomever you feel like doing it with, because no one stands in your way.
This is your life now. You are free. While you may prefer to be with your ex, rather than free, you can't deny the release of restraints when you no longer have to take someone else into account.{relatedarticles}
Tip #7: Consider the Future
The future may not seem bright to you right now, but just fantasize a bit about finding someone who is just perfect for you - someone who will come sweep you off your feet and carry you off into the sunset. Imagine a point in your life when you're happier than you have ever been with anyone, including your ex.
Can't seem to release those feelings for your ex because you miss him so much? You don't have to...just allow yourself to create a story in your mind despite the longing you have for your ex. Play around with it and try to have fun. If you find yourself smiling or feeling a bit hopeful for the future, you've succeeded.
Tip #8: Support Others
Sometimes the best way to deal with pain is to lend your support to someone else. It helps you see that your situation may not be as awful as you thought. It also may help you feel less alone when you see someone else going through as much grief as you feel.
Just be careful not to impose your problems on your friend's problems or she won't feel supported. If she comes to you for help first, you should focus on her. If you go to her first, she should help you.{relatedarticles}
Tip #9: Do Something New and Exciting
Living the same old life you were living when you were in a relationship will only remind you of how much you miss your ex and wish he were with you as he used to be. However, if you start engaging in new activities your ex was never part of, you won't miss him as much because it doesn't remind you of him.
Tip #10: Give It Time
Time heals all wounds. While you may want the pain to go away as soon as possible, it just doesn't work that way. You need to let yourself heal and that can take some time. Just hang on for as long as you need to start feeling better about the break-up. You will feel better...it just takes time.
When the Pain Ends
As you start to feel better and more like yourself, start to consider love again. You may be scared of it because you don't ever want to go through this type of pain again, it's important you give it another try. You never know whom you will find next and if that person will be the one you will be with forever.
Read More
Sometimes a woman's biggest competition is not another woman; it's sports. Many men spend what seems to be all their waking hours living and breathing sports. If it's not football, it's baseball, basketball, or hockey. While your boyfriend or husband spends countless hours watching ball games, you're feeling more and more neglected. Are you destined to be a sports widow forever? Not to worry. Here are some things you can do to get your man on your team.
Of course, the answer is not to forbid your man from watching sports. It's never pleasurable to have something you enjoy taken away from you. What if your man forbids you to go shopping or get a massage? You wouldn't like that all, would you? It's OK for the both of you to have different interests.
{relatedarticles}
Benefits of Being a Sports Fan
There are many positive aspects of being a sports fan that you might not be aware of. Sure, you may not feel that grunting and yelling at the TV is beneficial, but think about the other things your man is doing while watching sports. He is probably watching the games with his friends, which gives him precious male bonding time. In addition, it's his way of relaxing, although it may not seem like it.
Your idea of relaxation may be reading a book, while his is rooting for his favorite team. Watching sports also gives your man an adrenaline rush. Having his favorite team score a field goal in the final seconds or watching his team come from behind and shoot a 3-pointer in the basketball game is thrilling to him.
Why Do You Hate Sports?
If you choose to bring up the topic of being a sports widow with your man, you need to first figure out why you hate it that he watches sports so much. Is he neglecting you and the kids? Is he ignoring you? Do you feel left out? Does he get too emotionally attached to the game and become prone to outbursts if his team loses? Is he foregoing his chores and other household duties in order to watch the game? All these factors can make any rational woman dread the weekends. When yelling doesn't work, it's common to resort to sulking or pouting in another room.
How to Help with the Problem
Just like with most other relationship issues, the key is compromise. First of all, just because you don't like sports doesn't mean it's bad and your man shouldn't enjoy it. You should both be free to pursue your own interests. It's best to have a frank discussion with your man (at a time when there's not a game on TV) and let him know your feelings. Most likely, he is too involved in the game to know how you really feel.
{relatedarticles}
You don't want to have your man resent you. Don't tell him he can't watch any more games or make him feel guilty for watching them. Everyone needs down time once in a while, but if you feel that he's spending so much time watching sports that the household is being neglected, then you may want to suggest a compromise. Maybe he should only watch the most important games instead of every single one that happens to be on TV.
It can also be good for you to compromise as well. Are you interested in sports at all? Are you willing to learn more about the rules of a particular sport? Pick a game and watch it with your husband. Ask him questions about the rules and the types of plays. You can even ask for his advice on what teams to root for. Your man will most likely enjoy the fact that you are interested in sports. At the same time, it's a great way for the two of you to bond. If he's not willing to teach you the fundamentals of the game, go online on your own time and learn the basics. You can then impress him the next time a game is on. Who knows, you might end up loving sports as much as he does.
If watching sports is just not your thing at all, don't just sit at home and sulk or nag at your man. Use the time to catch up on some relaxation of your own. Go hang out at a nearby park, go shopping, get a massage, or have coffee with friends.
{relatedarticles}
What if It's an Obsession?
Although most men do not have a bona fide addiction or obsession with sports, there are some instances in which women, children, and households are truly neglected because of a man's addiction to sports. Spending more than 15 hours per week watching sports is enough to ruin a relationship. It's important that your man spends time with you or all you will feel is resentment and jealousy. If the sports get out of hand, you need to be honest with him and let him know your feelings. Allowing your anger to build up will only make things worse.
If your man is watching sports more and more, to the point where your relationship is suffering, then your man may have some deeper issues. Some men become obsessed with work or hobbies to avoid dealing with their personal lives. If your man is placing sports above your relationship, then you need to uncover the underlying issue. Until you do so, sports will continue to rule the household. If the situation does not improve, then you and your man may need to resort to professional counseling to keep the relationship from falling apart.
{relatedarticles}
Communication is Key
Communication is key to a fulfilling relationship. Be honest with your man and let him know how you feel about the amount of time he spends watching sports. However, as long as he takes care of his household duties and makes time for you later, let him enjoy watching sports. Try to be supportive of his interests. Who knows? He just may be willing to go with you to that new chick flick you've been wanting to see.
Read More
