The forgiveness journey turned out to be one of the single most significantly healing things I have ever done in my life!

Over the years I have shared the awesome power of forgiveness with many people and I have learned several important factors regarding the forgiveness process that I would like to share with you.

First, no one can tell you HOW to forgive. If you need to cry at the sadness of the death of a loved one or the pain of a brutal injustice, let the tears flow. If you need to curse and swear as you forgive the a**hole who wrecked your car or the Son-of-a-*itch who broke your heart - then do it that way. Just do it YOUR way!

Second, if you are doing forgiveness work related to something that feels like an "unforgivable" crime or action someone forced on you, please KNOW that forgiveness is NOT about condoning someone else's bad behaviors. I once coached a woman who was sexually abused by her father when she was a child. She struggled with the idea of forgiving him because she didn't want it to mean that it was OK that he did that to her. Forgiveness work is for YOU -- not THEM. Forgiveness is about clearing out the negative crap, goop and garbage the offender left behind when they contaminated your space. For her, swearing and yelling in her forgiveness journal was extremely cathartic and effective. She let it ALL OUT, but always starting with "I forgive you for..."

And lastly, but perhaps most important, please, please, please remember that YOU are the KEY character in your journey of forgiveness. Some of the most powerful forgiveness work you will do will be about forgiving yourself! Regardless of the event, most of us blame ourselves in some way for the bad things that happen to us or the bad things others do to us - even when it truly was not within our control and was not our fault.

For both Tammy and Jim doing the forgiveness work created a true magnitude of positive changes in both their lives.