Are you and your partner worried about money in these uncertain times? During any economic crisis, couples have to face tough financial decisions. This can lead to an increase in stress and aggravate problems that already exist in your marriage.
As you look back to when you first met, what attracted you to your partner - fierce independence, strong character, a decisive nature? Now, these very same qualities may be getting in the way of getting along. If you want to come to terms with your negative feelings, notice what has changed in your marriage.
And try to see your own part in what's going on. If there's a glimmer of hope and you want to stay together, accept the challenge of turning it around. Some of these ideas can help you get started: {relatedarticles}
1. Identify your emotions. As a first step, write down the feelings that now regularly surface. And record what's happening between you and your partner when you are sad, scared, overwhelmed, embarrassed or frustrated.
Chances are you have emotions ranging from disappointment to anger, and these may be constantly changing. Don't worry - this is normal. Understanding what you feel, and why, can be the first step toward improving your situation.
2. Stop focusing on the past. Identify the hot button issues that are standing in your way and make efforts to resolve them. If you initiate changes, that can be an encouraging sign to your partner. And the sooner you let go of the past, the quicker you can move forward to improve the goodwill in your relationship. It may not be easy to forgive, but it is a gift you can give to your partner and yourself.
3. Limit your arguments. If the situation between the two of you is tense, small annoyances can seem worse than before. When you argue, allowing bad feelings to fester only makes it harder. Don't turn your quarrel into something more or attach your reactions to another issue.
Agree that you will together explore the problems. And spend time learning about conflict resolution, direct communication and active listening skills. There's information available through relationship workshops, the Internet and the self help section in bookstores.{relatedarticles}
4. Begin a process of serious talking. Can't do it alone? If you really want to work out your differences, consider consulting with a marital therapist or joining a couples' support group. When you understand more about the other's needs and capabilities, you'll be clearer about compromises you have to make.
Then it will be up to both of you to decide whether you're willing to do the hard work. That may include efforts to change your current expectations, redefine what marriage means to you and create new goals for the relationship.
5. Support each other. Instead of focusing on the negatives or going your separate ways, spend time discussing what you want from one other. Think about what would demonstrate true emotional commitment to you. Prove that you are on each other's side by deciding to change your attitude and behavior.
in your marriage's emotional bank account. Create excitement, pleasure and fun together - then take advantage of the dividends.{relatedarticles}
You and your partner are individuals who each have a mind of your own. What you want may have changed since you first tied the knot. And the present economic meltdown probably adds to the pressures in your relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't make shifts that will relieve some of the stress. And you don't have to accept the possibility of divorce. By taking the first steps, you can help strengthen your partner's trust in you - and the future of your marriage.
© Her Mentor Center, 2011
About The Author
Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. is a family relationship expert. Whether you're coping with stress, acting out teens, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, I have solutions. Visit our website, http://www.HerMentorCenter.com to discover practical tips for dealing with parents growing older & children growing up and to learn about our ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm." Log on to our blog, http://www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com and sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."
Read More
One of the most common yet manageable types of sexually transmitted diseases or STDs is genital herpes. The herpes simplex virus can be present in many parts of the body, and genital herpes is the form that results from contact of the sexual organs of an infected partner.
While herpes can be a lifelong ailment, recent advances in medical treatments have made it a manageable disease to live with. Still, it is important to know the details about this STD so you know how to reduce your risk of contracting it or transmitting it to your partner.
{relatedarticles}
The Medical Basics of Genital Herpes
The herpes simplex virus (HSV) is the originating infection that comes in 2 forms: HSV 1 and HSV 2. In the past, HSV 2 was the main cause of genital herpes infections, but with more young teens having sex at earlier ages, the HSV 1 strain has also been causing cases of genital herpes. The HSV in both forms can be present in an infected partner without any signs or symptoms.
Once a partner is infected, they can develop conditions such as:
- skin irritation near the genital areas including inflammation, itching, pain and burning;
- blister-like nodes forming on or near the genitals;
- sores that break open, scab over, and heal;
- swollen glands, especially in the groin area;
- fever;
- headache;
- muscle aches; and
- burning during urination.
The onset of herpes symptoms is known as the first outbreak and can last for several weeks. In most cases, after this initial flare-up, the HSV goes dormant in the body until it is triggered again. Once the HSV becomes reactivated it is known as a repetitive outbreak.
Genital Herpes: The Good
Amazingly, there are some positive things to say about genital herpes in regard to the many types of sexually transmitted diseases a person can contract. Herpes is one of the more treatable types of STD and can often be managed to a point where you can lead a normal sex life.
{relatedarticles}
Treatment of genital herpes usually involves medication such as Valtrex, which is administered once you have started an outbreak. It can ease the severity of the symptoms and help reduce the length of the outbreak. There are also personal hygiene treatments such as sitz baths, wearing cotton underwear, and caring for any open sores with bandages and regular cleaning.
Ongoing treatment may be required for cases of recurrent and frequent outbreaks. Daily treatments with medications such as valacyclovir have been shown to also reduce the risk of spreading the disease to your partner in a monogamous relationship.
Genital Herpes: The Bad
Of course, all types of sexually transmitted diseases are bad, and genital herpes is no different. Herpes can be painful, frustrating, and has the potential to ruin your sex life if it is not managed properly.
The physical ailments alone are enough to cause any sexually active person to be concerned for their health. Life during a herpes outbreak can be uncomfortable, painful and frustrating especially since outbreaks are typically unpredictable in most patients.
{relatedarticles}
Emotionally, genital herpes can cause you large amounts of stress and frustration. During an outbreak it's common for patients to feel irritable, angry, or depressed as they deal with the physical ailments. There is also the added stigma of having to inform your partner of your condition and in many cases having to avoid sexual contact during an outbreak.
While sex after contracting genital herpes is still possible, it always carries some risk of infection no matter how much medication you are taking or how much protection you use. Your future sex life may end up revolving around avoiding sex during outbreaks and dealing with the frustration of not knowing when an outbreak can ruin a special moment.
Genital Herpes: The Ugly
Not only can this STD be extremely painful, but it can also open you to risk of other types of infections. If you have a compromised immune system, especially for those who also suffer from HIV, herpes outbreaks can be much more severe and sometimes require hospitalization to manage symptoms.
Pregnant women are often at a bigger risk for pregnancy complications when they are infected with sexually transmitted diseases. Genital herpes can be passed to the newborn during a vaginal delivery and can also add more discomfort to the mother during her pregnancy.
In many cases where mothers are infected with the HSV they will be advised to undergo a cesarean section to avoid passing the virus to their newborn. Additional medication treatment with Zovirax can decrease this risk, but it cannot be completely removed.
{relatedarticles}
Preventing Genital Herpes from Ruining Your Sex Life
The only way to completely avoid contracting any type of sexually transmitted diseases is to avoid sexual contact completely. Your next best defenses are safe sex practices that can allow you to still have a healthy sex life while reducing your risk of contracting genital herpes.
Evaluating your sexual partners is the first consideration for preventing the spread of genital herpes. Before starting a new relationship with a partner it's important to both get tested for all STDs. If you are both negative and involved in only one relationship this can reduce the risk of contracting herpes since there should be no other infected partners that could spread the disease.
If you are involved with a partner who already has genital herpes it's important to be honest and upfront about the condition. The infected partner should be open about their outbreaks and avoid sex during these periods to reduce the risk of transmission.
Use of condoms, both male and female, reduces the risk of spreading genital herpes but not completely. Remember that herpes is spread through genital contact and if sores are present on areas not covered by a condom such as the buttocks or thighs the virus can still be spread.
{relatedarticles}
With proper management of your outbreaks, regular visits to your doctor, and open communication with your partner about sexually transmitted diseases, in most cases you can still lead a healthy sex life.
Read More
