Pornography is a topic that often inspires heated discussions. So many people have an opinion about it. Some think of it as a way to get in the mood for a sexual romp with their partner, while others simply dismiss it as smut.
But the one thing that pretty much everyone agrees on is that porn is an industry dominated by and made for men. But what about a woman's cravings? Does female-friendly adult fare even exist?
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The answer is actually quite complicated. That's because women are aroused differently than men. Female desire is complex. Physiological and subjective forces are at work, sometimes even in opposition to each other. Emotional closeness can also stimulate sexual attraction, which adds a new layer to finding porn that satisfies a woman's carnal needs.
But even though the majority of porn is geared to the sexual urges of men, there are a growing number of women who want to watch this kind of entertainment.
In fact, Nielsen/NetRatings reveals that one out of every three porn watchers on the Internet is female. Despite the scarce amount of pornography that's available to satisfy a woman's sexual desires, there is an audience just waiting to be pleased.
Porn Made for Women, by Women
A new era of porn is making its way into the online market and beyond. It features a young man named James Deen, who is making women swoon all over the world. This porn star, who has already appeared in a string of popular adult films, is not your typical X-rated movie king.
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For one thing, he has a geeky, boy-next-door appearance that you don't often find in pornography. But he's appealing to a female audience that's drawn to his normal good looks and down-home charm.
Deen's undeniable fan base shows that even though female sexuality is hard to pinpoint, there is a definite attraction to his nice-guy persona and the apparent emotional connection he shows on screen.
It could be argued that the lack of porn stars more akin to Deen reveals a disconnect between the male honchos who control porn and the women who want erotic stories geared to them. These powerful porn makers seem to think women are turned on by big, beefy guys, when they are really more aroused by a more understated male presence in adult movies.
Pamela Peaks, the producer who discovered Deen and made him into a household name in the porn world, touched on a gold mine. Her female-friendly films have given women sexual entertainment that isn't common in this male-dominated industry.
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Thanks in part to Peaks, now more than ever, there is a new wave of feminist erotica that gives porn a whole other twist. The old clichés of porn are being cast aside for a fresh vision of sex in more artistic portrayals that cater to a female perspective.
Erotica for Women
In general, women find the less-is-more line of thinking more stimulating than a heavy-handed, often hardcore approach when it comes to sexual arousal. Although female sexuality still has its mysterious side, graphic scenes of men having no-holds-barred sexual intercourse with women might not be as gratifying to watch as the suggestion of this inevitable encounter.
So sexy stories, erotic poetry and provocative music may be just the trick to make women feel that delicious, sexual excitement.
However, because women are turned on in a multitude of ways, an understated approach to arousal might not be enough for some individuals. Luckily, there are a number of Web sites that cater to female desires, which you may not have ever heard of until now.
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BeautifulAgony.com is one such site that could get you in the mood without showing a single naked body part. The idea behind it is to show people from the neck up who are masturbating themselves to the ultimate orgasm. These are videos of real men and women from around the world, all shot in the same way.
IShotMyself.com takes female-friendly fare to a whole other place. It's basically a forum for women to post anonymous, nude photos of themselves. No matter what their reason for sharing, the site provides a wide variety of women of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and ages.
If you're looking for photographs that are more erotic in a movie-like style, then LeChagrin may be the site for you. It's photos with a classy feel that just might make you feel that tingle of sexual interest yourself.
Babeland.com also offers some erotic resources you can check out anytime. Not only does it have an intriguing guide to direct interested women to good porn, but it also provides its own sex products.
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Every Woman Is Different
The most fascinating aspect of female sexuality is that there is no one size fits all. Every woman has different sexual desires, which means that not all styles of porn will elicit the same reaction.
Some women are turned on by passionate kissing or gay sex or an emotional sexcapade with a wholesome-looking guy who could live next door. It all depends on the woman and what kind of sexual portrayal sets off her hot buttons. A woman's arousal is highly subjective. It's rare that it fits into the generic mold that's peddled for the overall consumer in the mainstream market.
The fact that female-friendly adult fare can't fit into a nice, neat category is both an attractive challenge and extremely frustrating at the same time. However, its diversity means there's a great potential to make and sell a wide variety of female-driven porn throughout the world.
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This is a virtually untapped reservoir that could translate into millions, even billions, of dollars while also giving women a sexual outlet that may just lead to an ecstasy that's never been experienced before.
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There's nothing like a night of chick-flicks with your girlfriends but watching movies with your man can be a completely different story. Instead of suffering through another slasher or action film, try these picks that will put you both in a romantic mood and can satisfy your need for sap and his need for masculinity.
High Fidelity - After John Cusak's character is dumped, he spends the rest of the movie contacting his ex-girlfriends to figure out where he's gone wrong. From the awkward to the hilarious and tragic, they all bring him back to where he belongs. Aside from a sweet and engaging story line the soundtrack has something for everyone and is one of the first big-screen appearances of Jack Black, and what guy doesn't love him?
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The 40-Year-Old Virgin - While this may come to mind as a comedy at first, there is an underlying love story that shows the beauty of innocence and new love. Any male will love this movie as it's stocked with the usual sex jokes and unrefined humor of Judd Apatow movies, but there is enough of a romantic storyline to keep you interested - even if you snort-laugh along the way.
Groundhog Day - The Bill Murray classic is a funny and heartfelt take on the rom-com with an interesting storyline that hasn't been replicated. You'll be quoting Murray's witty quips for days after this one.
The Princess Bride - A cult classic that should belong in anyone's movie collection. This eccentric medieval fantasy flick is a lighthearted and heroic love adventure that both guys and girls will love and have fun remembering the times they've watched it growing up.
Forrest Gump - Along with being a story of romance, this epic spans action, comedy, and drama; however, the heart of the story lies in Forrest's undying love for his Jenny, which will make you tear up and believe in the earnest power of love all over again.{relatedarticles}
Bridget Jones's Diary - A refreshing take on the female role in the romantic comedy. Bridget Jones smokes, drinks, and curses, which is sure to appeal to your man, and every girl melts when Colin Firth's Mark Darcy utters the line "I like you just as you are."
Just Friends - A classic tale of reunited childhood sweethearts with a comedic twist. Everyone can relate to coming home for holidays and running into exes, but this one capitalizes on the humor of the situation while giving you hope that your unrequited love may still have a chance.
Titanic - Whether or not your guy digs the story of star-crossed lovers, Jack and Rose, he'll certainly appreciate the magnificent sweeping shots of the ship and when Kate Winslet infamously poses for her portrait.
Pretty Woman - The prostitute with a heart of gold, Julia Roberts, seduces businessman Richard Gere in an unlikely Cinderella story. Part comedy, part passion with classic 80s styling - this is one you'll both enjoy.
Legends of the Fall - Get your tissues out for this tearjerker. Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins carry this tragic story about not only love but family in a time of war.{relatedarticles}
Pearl Harbor - This has war scenes and planes for him and a love story and hunky dudes for you. If your dude is a history buff, he'll also enjoy the movie's historically accurate take on the events that led up to Pearl Harbor.
Love Actually - This British rom-com will keep your attention with an ever-changing and intertwined storyline that's both humorous and heartfelt. It can also double as a holiday movie to watch while you get cozy by the Christmas tree.
50 First Dates - Most guys love Adam Sandler and this movie can indulge their taste for boyish and silly humor while pleasing you with a cute but campy tale of a loveable Drew Barrymore.
Hitch - Will Smith and Kevin James' hilarious adventure in learning to be a ladies man provides side-splitting moments along with sentimental ones.
He's Just Not That Into You - Based on a book written for women by a man - how could your guy not love it? This comedic and realistic advice movie is sure to be a winner for movie night.
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When Harry Met Sally - An 80s classic that takes on the questions "Can a man and woman ever be just friends?" You'll be on the edge of your seat waiting the whole movie when the "will they or won't they?" tension finally comes to an end. The adorable love stories in-between scenes are sure to steal your heart as well.
Shakespeare in Love - A smoldering and passionate story with an all-star cast of Gwyneth Paltrow, Judi Dench, and Ben Affleck, this classic tale of love, loss, and tragedy will not disappoint.
Something's Gotta Give - Your guy will love a classic, cool, and crazy Jack Nicholson while the ladies will swoon over the always romantic and endearing, Diane Keaton.
Never Been Kissed - Enjoy the awkwardness and pain of reliving high school crushes and prom all-over again with another winning Drew Barrymore feature.
The Wedding Singer - Another Sandler and Barrymore team-up that's as funny as it is sweet and you'll be dancing in your seat with the great and upbeat 80s soundtrack.
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Atonement - This book adaption is a beautiful but tragic film about an ill-fated relationship during the pre-WWI era. You'll be left wanting more from this sad but soulful encounter acted out wonderfully by James McAvoy and Keira Knightley.
Romeo and Juliet - This updated and modern version starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes keeps with the heartfelt sentiment of the original play but switches things up with a fast-paced, colorful rendition complete with a contemporary soundtrack.
10 Things I Hate About You - The late Heath Ledger stars in this romantic comedy based on the The Taming of the Shrew. This coming of age love story is also bursting with one-liners and silly moments.
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Sometimes a woman's biggest competition is not another woman; it's sports. Many men spend what seems to be all their waking hours living and breathing sports. If it's not football, it's baseball, basketball, or hockey. While your boyfriend or husband spends countless hours watching ball games, you're feeling more and more neglected. Are you destined to be a sports widow forever? Not to worry. Here are some things you can do to get your man on your team.
Of course, the answer is not to forbid your man from watching sports. It's never pleasurable to have something you enjoy taken away from you. What if your man forbids you to go shopping or get a massage? You wouldn't like that all, would you? It's OK for the both of you to have different interests.
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Benefits of Being a Sports Fan
There are many positive aspects of being a sports fan that you might not be aware of. Sure, you may not feel that grunting and yelling at the TV is beneficial, but think about the other things your man is doing while watching sports. He is probably watching the games with his friends, which gives him precious male bonding time. In addition, it's his way of relaxing, although it may not seem like it.
Your idea of relaxation may be reading a book, while his is rooting for his favorite team. Watching sports also gives your man an adrenaline rush. Having his favorite team score a field goal in the final seconds or watching his team come from behind and shoot a 3-pointer in the basketball game is thrilling to him.
Why Do You Hate Sports?
If you choose to bring up the topic of being a sports widow with your man, you need to first figure out why you hate it that he watches sports so much. Is he neglecting you and the kids? Is he ignoring you? Do you feel left out? Does he get too emotionally attached to the game and become prone to outbursts if his team loses? Is he foregoing his chores and other household duties in order to watch the game? All these factors can make any rational woman dread the weekends. When yelling doesn't work, it's common to resort to sulking or pouting in another room.
How to Help with the Problem
Just like with most other relationship issues, the key is compromise. First of all, just because you don't like sports doesn't mean it's bad and your man shouldn't enjoy it. You should both be free to pursue your own interests. It's best to have a frank discussion with your man (at a time when there's not a game on TV) and let him know your feelings. Most likely, he is too involved in the game to know how you really feel.
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You don't want to have your man resent you. Don't tell him he can't watch any more games or make him feel guilty for watching them. Everyone needs down time once in a while, but if you feel that he's spending so much time watching sports that the household is being neglected, then you may want to suggest a compromise. Maybe he should only watch the most important games instead of every single one that happens to be on TV.
It can also be good for you to compromise as well. Are you interested in sports at all? Are you willing to learn more about the rules of a particular sport? Pick a game and watch it with your husband. Ask him questions about the rules and the types of plays. You can even ask for his advice on what teams to root for. Your man will most likely enjoy the fact that you are interested in sports. At the same time, it's a great way for the two of you to bond. If he's not willing to teach you the fundamentals of the game, go online on your own time and learn the basics. You can then impress him the next time a game is on. Who knows, you might end up loving sports as much as he does.
If watching sports is just not your thing at all, don't just sit at home and sulk or nag at your man. Use the time to catch up on some relaxation of your own. Go hang out at a nearby park, go shopping, get a massage, or have coffee with friends.
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What if It's an Obsession?
Although most men do not have a bona fide addiction or obsession with sports, there are some instances in which women, children, and households are truly neglected because of a man's addiction to sports. Spending more than 15 hours per week watching sports is enough to ruin a relationship. It's important that your man spends time with you or all you will feel is resentment and jealousy. If the sports get out of hand, you need to be honest with him and let him know your feelings. Allowing your anger to build up will only make things worse.
If your man is watching sports more and more, to the point where your relationship is suffering, then your man may have some deeper issues. Some men become obsessed with work or hobbies to avoid dealing with their personal lives. If your man is placing sports above your relationship, then you need to uncover the underlying issue. Until you do so, sports will continue to rule the household. If the situation does not improve, then you and your man may need to resort to professional counseling to keep the relationship from falling apart.
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Communication is Key
Communication is key to a fulfilling relationship. Be honest with your man and let him know how you feel about the amount of time he spends watching sports. However, as long as he takes care of his household duties and makes time for you later, let him enjoy watching sports. Try to be supportive of his interests. Who knows? He just may be willing to go with you to that new chick flick you've been wanting to see.
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