Today's Love Tip
Many people believe it's a safe assumption that most women want to be in a committed relationship, but that's just not the case for a lot of women. Sterotypically, the guy is the one who is afraid to be tied down, but it happens to women just... Read More
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How to Create Your Own 50 Shades of Grey

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past several months, you've undoubtedly heard the rave reviews surrounding E.L. James' book "50 Shades of Grey."

This instant literary phenomenon tells the story of a college student who is being courted into signing a contract to be a "submissive" where she will be dominated by a young, rich businessman. By accepting the twisted dynamic, she will allow him to perform a variety of sexual fantasies on her, that are lagely S&M in nature. The book's erotic and graphic sexual content has made it a hit with women of all ages. It's been branded "mommy porn."

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Judging from the success of James' "50 Shades of Grey," readers are lining up to read about erotica. Just reading this type of content would be enough to make most people blush, let alone write about it.

However, if you feel comfortable writing about sexually explicit content and can effectively create characters that readers can connect to, there is a market for it. If you are interested in writing for this genre, here are some tips to help you with the writing process.


Be Original

Nobody wants to hear the same plot over and over. Having a deliveryman or a repairman come by and seduce the housewife has been done before. Think of something more original. It could be something that's happened in your everyday life, just spiced up a bit. Use your imagination and be creative.

Or you can think of a sexual fantasy that you'd want fulfilled. This may give you some good ideas or at least a good starting point for your writing.

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Give the Readers What They Want

The reason why "50 Shades of Grey" has garnered so much buzz is that it's wish fulfillment on behalf of the readers. The book is giving them something that they're not used to getting at home. So the trick is to come up with a sexual fantasy so off the wall, something that the average couple would be unlikely to engage in.

Erotica is about obtaining the unachievable. Erotica allows readers to live out their fantasies, which makes it so interesting.


However, at the same time, be somewhat realistic. People are real and have flaws. Although you may want your story to have a certain aspect of perfection, having a person who has flaws and vices makes it more exciting. Too much perfection will make your story boring.

Use Proper Wording

In the narration, try to keep some elegance. Try to keep a balance between blunt and euphemistic. It's fine to use some off-color language in the dialogue, but the narration should not use language that is too graphic or unintelligent.

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Give Details

Sure, erotica is about two people having sex. That's a no-brainer. However, you need to add details in order to engage the reader. Any book can say "Then they had sex." How did they have sex? What were they doing? Where did they have sex?

What did the people look like? What were they wearing? What were they saying? These questions need to be addressed with as much detail as possible, or else readers won't be interested.


Don't Move Too Fast or Too Slow

Along the same lines, you don't want the action to move so fast or so slow that readers get confused or bored. Although you want details in your story, don't focus too much on insignificant ones.

At the same time, you want the action to flow at a normal pace. Don't change scenes too quickly. You need to allow time to build up to the sexual act. You shouldn't be talking about sex in the first sentence or even the first chapter of the book. Lead up to it. Allow readers to anticipate it.

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Use Dialogue

A successful work of erotica includes lots of action as well as dialogue. The people involved need to be talking. They can't just meet and have sex right away. Dialogue sets the mood and shows the character's personalities.

Plus, dialogue can make a naughty scene even naughtier, or a silly one even sillier. Also, don"t be afraid to use metaphors or double-entendres. These are when you say one thing, but mean something else (like sex). It works as verbal foreplay, building sexual tension until the main event (the actual sex act).


Do Research

It can be hard to describe sexuality, so do some research if you don't feel comfortable writing. You may want to read stories from other erotica authors to get a feel for the type of description and wording to use. This is especially true for men, who sometimes don't feel the need for description. However, women tend to be more descriptive, so they often have an innate knack for describing things spot-on.

As for the sex scenes themselves, you don't need to have experienced them in real-life, although some authors do choose to go that route. They might describe what they did in first person, which is difficult for new writers.

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However it's best to do whatever makes you feel more comfortable. If you do write about a real-life sexual experience, be mindful that it might offend your partner. Be descriptive without making it too publicly known. Try to maintain some anonymity.

Be Uninhibited

Write as if nobody will read it. Let your creative juices flow and just write. It can make you feel vulnerable because you are exposing a part of yourself and your inner fantasies, but you need to be able to eventually be OK with that and gain a sense of comfort. Start out by writing in somewhat risqué language and then move up to juicier scenes once you feel more comfortable.


It may take some time. Writing about sex is not the same as writing about your pets or your children. Many people still believe sex is taboo, which makes it difficult to express yourself sexually without coming off as a slut.

Admittedly, writing erotica is not for everyone. Some people would die of embarrassment talking about sexual fantasies, let alone writing about them. It takes a special person to be able to write sex scenes without embarrassment.

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Sex sells, and if you are willing to tackle this genre and write successfully, then it could be a lucrative career choice. Follow these tips and make your erotic book go from un-publishable to successful.


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Date Night Ideas

There is always excitement in the air at the beginning of a new relationship. Spending time together is a fresh experience; familiar things we've done in the past become novel and thrilling. But as relationships age, other stresses in life eclipse the simple pleasures of enjoying each other's company. We tend to fall into routines, perhaps even taking the other person for granted.

It's important to keep the relationship healthy by allowing yourselves the time to rediscover each other and renew the passion. Courting each other all over again is a great way to keep the fires burning. If you're stumped on what to do, our date night ideas should set you in the right direction.

Getting Outside
Avoid couch potato syndrome like the plague; it will only breed apathy in your relationship. Sitting in front of the TV night after night is an easy enough rut to fall into.
Here are some fun and unique date ideas to get you both off the sofa and into the great outdoors.{relatedarticles}

Classic dinner date re-imagined - Instead of eating at the local pub you've been to a million times before, try an adventurous ethnic eatery. Korean BBQ or Brazilian churrascaria, for instance, offer a truly interactive dining experience.

Dust off those dancing shoes - Busting a move on the dance floor is a great way to let off steam. Too shy or uncoordinated to shake it? Take a dance class together. Become cinephiles together - Bored of the same old dinner and a movie? Skim the local listings for film festivals showing shorts, documentaries, or indie films. Or go the drive-in and make out like teenagers.


Join the gym - Having a workout partner will motivate and challenge you. Keeping yourselves in decent shape will also tell the other you are still trying to look hot for them. Surprise him - Sectrely plan something you both enjoy doing, but maybe haven't had the time to do in a while. Or pretend it's his birthday and set up a date that is all about him. He may just return the favor. Smarten up - Visit a museum, science center, zoo, planetarium, art gallery, and expos like food and wine shows and consumer electronics conventions. Learn something new and discuss your impressions.{relatedarticles} Make it a staycation - Get a newfound appreciation of your hometown. Check out touristy activities in your locale and take lots of pictures. Keep an eye on local events - Festivals and fairs will come to your location, so don't miss the midway games, Ferris wheel rides, and other exhibitions that that will only be around for a limited time. Live entertainment - Watch a play at the theatre, check out a live band perform at a bar, giggle at stand-up comedy shows, attend a sporting event, or go see a poetry reading.


Knock it off the bucket list - Go skydiving or zip-lining, take a hot air balloon ride, try parasailing, participate in indoor rock climbing. Indulge in any one of the things you've always wanted to do. Here's your chance! Go bowling - Bowling is an old-school activity with a great casual vibe. The two of you can have a beer or a slice of pizza while engaging in a friendly competition. Just about every town has a bowling alley. It's a low-stress environment, so your date is guaranteed to feel relaxed and comfortable, which is important. Dating on a budget
You don't have to break the bank to spend some quality time with each other. The emphasis here is not what you do, but whom you are doing it with. Take a hike - Put on some good walking shoes and explore the natural wonders of the scenic routes in your community. Pack a lunch and make a whole day of it.{relatedarticles} Pretend you're rich - Put on your fancy clothes and test-drive your dream car, go to an open house showing, or attend a swanky auction. You won't have to spend any money and will get a rare glimpse into how the other half lives. Be spontaneous - Make no plans. Take a walk or a drive together and see where the day takes you.


Take a free tour - Many factories and production facilities offer free tours with samples. Learn a little something about the manufacturing process and get a chance to taste some gourmet wines, beers, cheeses, and chocolates. Play Bingo - Invest in a couple bingo dabbers and have some fun listening and paying attention. If you have the good fortune to yell out "Bingo," you can spend your winnings on a nice meal afterwards. Go to the beach - Bring a Frisbee, pack a picnic and watch the sunrise or sunset.{relatedarticles} Be kids again - Bowling, mini golf, batting cages, driving range, arcades, and billiards are pretty cheap activities that are fun for any age. Same goes for snowball or water gun fights. Staying home
Maybe you both work all day long and the last thing you want to do afterwards is go back out into the world. Here are some romantic date ideas for the homebodies out there.


A bubble bath for two - Unwind after a long day with a sweet and sexy bubble bath. Light some candles, play some soft music, pour some champagne, scatter some rose petals, and make an evening of cleansing each other. Play a board game - Go from bored to board. Games like Jenga, Scrabble, Twister, Chess, Battleship and Trivial Pursuit will engage you in a little flirtatious trash talk. Prepare a meal together - Plan a sumptuous meal side by side. Incorporate ingredients you both enjoy, experiment with new flavor combinations, and breathe new life into an ordinary task.{relatedarticles} Improve your home - Tackle a home improvement project. Perhaps a room needs a fresh coat of paint, you've been considering making the house more energy efficient, or you've been dreaming of that walk-out deck. Completing these projects with each other will be satisfying and give you a sense of accomplishment. Role-play - Don something sexy and explore your deepest fantasies in tandem. Push each other's limits and be open to new experiences.


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How to Spot a Player

You finally met the guy of your dream: he's handsome, smooth, assertive and very likeable. He always says the right things and has all the qualities you are looking for in a man. But you may have noticed him behaving differently lately.

If you think something is wrong, you may be right. Your guy may be a player. A player is a guy who is only interested in you for one thing: sex. Then, when something better comes along (such as a prettier woman), he's done with you. Here are some ways to identify a player.

  • He displays a particular body language. He'll wear a smirk instead of a smile. He'll strut with a swagger and roll his shoulders forward. These characteristics mean he's on the prowl for a new woman to fall prey to his charms.{relatedarticles}
  • If he sees you for the first time and is interested in you, he'll immediately get too close and invade your personal space. Or if he sees you catching his eye from afar, he'll just stare at you for a while instead of glancing at you and then looking away, like most single men do when they catch the eye of a pretty lady. If his behavior seems a little strange or pushy, then he's most likely trying to play you.
  • He always seems to focus on anything else but you. If he doesn't seem to be paying to attention, it's because something (or someone) else caught his eye. His wandering eyes are surveying the area in search of pretty ladies.
  • He has all the player paraphernalia. You like his flashy car, designer underwear and expensive watch, do you? That's why he bought it. He knows this stuff will attract the ladies and hopefully increase his chances of having sex.
  • He displays feminine characteristics - wears lots of jewelry, has his nails perfectly manicured, focuses a lot on his hair or is always primping in a mirror. This type of guy obviously cares about himself too much - so much that he won't have time to love you sincerely.{relatedarticles}
  • He calls or texts you in the late hours - typically after 11 p.m. You may think it's sweet, but really - why not talk to you during normal daytime hours? If you only hear from him at night, it's because he's only looking for one thing: sex. He's looking for a booty call, and you can bet that you're not the only girl he's calling or texting.
  • He has more female friends than male friends. If every time you go somewhere, all the ladies know him by name, then that is a huge red flag. That means he's been around and has secured the title of player. Run away from this dude!
  • If he does have male friends, he will act totally different. He will pretend he doesn't know who you are or act like the biggest jerk. You gave him what he wanted (or maybe you didn't - good for you!), and now he doesn't care about you or pretends you don't exist. Whatever. You don't need this loser anyway.
  • He acts like the nicest person in the world. He's very smooth and always knows the right things to say. He'll continue the act until you give him what he wants (sex), and then you'll see his true self. Don't waste your time. If he sounds too good to be true, he most likely is. Move on before he breaks your heart.
  • He only talks to you about physical things and intimacy (sex, kissing, etc.). If a booty call is all he's thinking about, then it's time to move on. He doesn't care about your life. He doesn't want a serious relationship with you. He's just using you for your body.{relatedarticles}
  • He doesn't want to hang out with you, or if he does, he cancels at the last minute. He only wants to be with you if you're going to be intimate with him. If he cancels at the last minute, he's likely found someone else to sleep with. Let her have him!
  • He no longer contacts you. If you slept with him, the relationship is likely over because he got what he wanted. If he does call you, it's for sexual purposes only. Or he may appear and disappear for days or weeks at a time. If you don't ever hear from him again, it's because he's already moved on to his next "victim."
  • He always has his phone with him. This is because he can't leave it anywhere for fear that you might get a hold of it and find phone numbers or messages from the other girls he's been with. If he seems to be too overprotective of his phone, or he is always texting or calling others instead of spending time with you, then you know he's got other women on the mind.
  • He makes slip-ups regarding information. If he seems to be forgetful - doesn't know what you do for a living (after you've already told him 10 times), can't seem to remember your favorite food, or worse yet, forgets your name, then you have a player on your hands. He also may keep telling you the same things over and over again. That's because he can't keep his women straight. Run straight for the door and away from this fool!{relatedarticles}
  • He has his place where he takes all the ladies. It might be a dark corner of a bar or a nice romantic restaurant. You may think it's just him being romantic, but it's just a ruse to get you in the mood for sex. If he takes you somewhere and everyone there knows him by name, it could be because he's a regular and has taken dozens of women there.

If your guy exhibits any of these traits, run as far away from him as you can. Being involved with a player will only cause unnecessary stress, heartache and sleepless nights. You're too good for him. You need a man who will respect you, love you for who you are and stay committed to you. You won't get that from a player.


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