A second and overlooked reason centers on the contradictory messages and unclear expectations presented by someone who is codependent. These characteristics give to a relationship filled with irrational thoughts and behavior. This kind of relationship has no clear rules to right and wrong behavior. The person(s) unhealthy patterns you enable may be doing one or more of these behaviors:

• Drinking too much
• Spending too much
• Overdrawing their bank account/bouncing checks
• Gambling too much
• In trouble with loan sharks/check cashing agencies
• Working too much/not enough
• Maxing out the credit cards
• Abusing drugs (prescription or street drugs)
• Getting arrested (you are bailing him/her out)
• Any of a number of other unhealthy behaviors/patterns of addiction.

Any time you assist/allow another person to continue in their unproductive/unhealthy/addictive behavior, whether actively or passively, you are enabling. Even when you say nothing you are enabling the behavior to continue. Sometimes you say nothing out of fear, fear of reprisal, fear of the other person hurting, hating, not liking you; or fear of butting in where you don’t think you belong. Perhaps even fear of being hit or worse.

Sometimes enabling takes the form of doing something for another that they should do for themselves. It also takes the form of making excuses for someone else’s behavior. Example: There are situations where the spouse of an alcoholic will call in to the boss to say that person is "sick," when they are really too hung over they can’t make it to work.