“Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it. Sticks and stones may break my bones. But chains and whips excite me.” – Rihanna,”S&M”
The past year has been a sexual awakening of sorts for women from all walks of life — from Holly Homemaker to Patricia Professional. Women who once recoiled from the mere notion of intercourse have turned into naughty nymphs starving for sex. And it’s no big secret what’s behind the monumental movement.
It’s “the book,” better known as 50 Shades of Grey, that’s on the tip of every woman’s tongue. Responsible for the birth of “mommy porn,” 50 Shades has sold more than 20 million copies and continues to dominate the New York Times bestsellers list after 22 weeks. There’s no denying that 50 Shades has the secret sauce that women have subconsciously been craving all this time.
For those who aren’t among the millions who have vigorously pored over the 382-page read, the titillating trilogy is about recent college grad Anastasia Steele’s torrid affair with mysterious, handsome businessman Christian Grey. On the surface, it may sound like the typical romance until learning that the very core of their relationship is a submissive-dominant relationship that revolves around BDSM. From riding crops to Ben-Wa balls, the book leaves little to the wildest imagination.
Even the most prudish reader can’t help but be stirred by the compelling piece of fiction that has most women hungry for more…and by more, we’re talking about a sex life that’s elevated to a whole new level. Having been introduced to the world of erotica, many readers are now looking for ways to create their own real-life 50 Shades of Grey.
The dating website seekingarrangement.com conducted a survey on the 50 Shades of Grey aftermath and found that 43 percent of women were now more likely to role play with handcuffs, while 47 percent now wanted to toy with blindfolds and other bondage gear.
That’s just the tip of the ice cube. Sex toy retailers have seen a major boost in sales. According to a recent article in The Republic, sex toy purveyor Fascinations, which boasts both brick-and-mortar locations and an online presence, says that sales in the bead-and-ball category are up 98 percent, while feathers and ticklers are up 34 percent. The BDSM category as a whole? Up a whopping 18 percent.
The bottom line – sex is selling more than ever before. According to leading sex guru Ian Kerner, it’s not a bad thing. The Today show contributor and founder of www.goodinbed.com has no doubt about the driving force behind the boom. In an exclusive interview with MyDailyMoment.com, Kerner gives the book rave reviews, at least when it comes to the effect it’s had on libidos. He’s quick to point out that the book is inspiring women to get more sexually adventurous.
“It’s just getting women thinking about sex more,” Kerner says. “They’re opening themselves up to more erotic stimuli. It’s helped boost libidos so that more people are having sex as a result. It’s great that they’re also sharing it with their partners. It’s a source of erotic titillation for couples.
“Some couples might want to dip their toes into the shallow waters of sexual adventurousness. It could mean playing with submission, domination, role-playing, exhibitionism or voyeurism. Most people I’ve talked to who have read 50 Shades are intrigued by it. They’re not necessarily going out to pursue a hardcore S & M lifestyle. It titillates them to want to incorporate a little adventure into their sex lives. It encourages couples to push beyond their comfort zones and try new things.”
For those folks who are in no way prepared to join the ranks of practicing BDSM aficionados, Kerner says there are plenty of ways to kick it up a notch. For a dialed-down version of the kind of naughtiness featured in 50 Shades, Kerner suggests tying up your partner or getting tied up. Experiment with teasing, tantalizing and taunting your partner while he or she is restrained. Light spanking is also an option.
Kerner notes that sometimes simply talking smack is enough to spice up your sex life. Some dreams just aren’t meant to come true, he says.
“One of the more interesting things is just to fantasize about extreme fantasies. In my view, fantasies are fantasies because they are not a reality. Things that operate in a fantasy wouldn’t necessarily translate well into reality and action.”
“Fantasy allows us to explore taboos that we wouldn’t otherwise explore. At that level, just sharing types of fantasies with a partner or having shared extreme fantasies, so much power lies with that.”
For those who choose to act on their impulses, he suggests exploring restraint, domination and submission. Try different types of sensual stimulation with ice cubes or hot wax. But Kerner implores women and men to proceed with caution.
“If it is something you are looking to explore and you don’t have any experience, it might be helpful to pick up a how-to book that walks you through or go to a local sex toy store. Go to a site like Babeland.com or Goodvibrations.com. They have 50 Shades kits that have handcuffs, arousal gels, blindfolds, crops, ticklers and all of that sort of stuff.”
Trained sexual educator Iris Bettan has spent the last 15 years in the adult industry in a number of different capacities. These days the South Florida sex expert is leading seminars and workshops about sex and sexuality. She’s currently training to become a worldwide holistic sex coach. With all of the hype surrounding 50 Shades of Grey, Bettan knew that there would be a demand for such a workshop…so she created one.
Bettan, who can be found on Facebook, tells MyDailyMoment.com, “Everybody is talking about 50 Shades of Grey. Everybody is reading it. It’s changed sex in America for women. That’s the reason I decided to do a workshop about it. This is something that everybody talks about and wants to know. In the workshop, people have time to come talk and explore.”
Women who attend Bettan’s newest workshop can expect a whole different experience – one filled with fetish toys, along with a speaker who is actually in the fetish world. One of the main focuses of the workshop is introducing women to the equipment played up in the country’s hottest novel. Based on the sexual adventures in the book, Bettan has assembled the following shopping list for beginners.
Among the items that comprise the list – blindfolds, handcuffs (with Velcro) or silk ties, ticklers or feather dusters. For the budget-conscious woman looking to expand her horizons, many of these items can actually be found around the house. If a woman chooses to explore more advanced BDSM techniques in the bedroom, there are also wrist and ankle restraints, floggers, gag balls and other kinky party favors. Bettan stresses that those toys are hardly for the beginner just beginning his or her foray into the wild world of BDSM.
One toy flying off the shelves since the debut of 50 Shades is the Ben-Wa balls. One sex toy purveyor, the Fun Factory, reports that sales for their Smart Balls are up 300 percent. But all balls are not created equal. As a veteran in the sex toy industry, she notes that women seeking out the Ben-Wa balls are looking for lust in all the wrong places.
Bettan explains: “In the book, the main character talks about the silver balls. The original Ben-Wa balls are small and not attached to each other. When you put them inside, you have to work the muscles to make sure they’re tight and to keep the balls in is impossible.
“Don’t expect to put the Ben-Wa balls in and go shopping. Like Kegel exercises, you need to work slowly. I recommend the Duotone Balls with a string from Lilo. They come in sets of two sizes. Start with the lighter size and then go to the heavier size.”
Speaking of heavy, Bettan also focuses on both the physical and psychological aspects of a submissive/dominant relationship. She explains the ins and outs of the BDSM dynamic to women so that they are prepared for it. The most important element – trust in a partner.
“It’s very important to trust and feel safe. It’s a lot of let go. That’s what sex and orgasm are all about. To let go, you need to trust someone and feel comfortable. When it comes to the fetish world, you are surrendering yourself. It’s about power, control and surrender.”
Because activities often involve being restrained and whipped, it’s of the utmost importance to be with someone who doesn’t go to extremes and knows limits so that nobody gets hurt. And that goes for matters of the heart as well.
“You have to be with someone you trust not just physically but mentally as well. It can really play with your mind. After the game is finished, it’s important for the mind to get back to where it needs to be. It’s different than finishing with regular sex. You need to keep in mind it was a game and you’re not really a slave. Even if you like for someone to push you around, it finishes here in the bedroom. After it’s over, you need to bring yourself back to a normal life.”
At the end of the day – or night – sex should be fun, which is why Kerner created the new book The Big, Fun Sexy Sex Book with Lisa Rinna. According to Kerner, the manual offers fun ways to figure out your sex type and your partner’s sex type. In addition, they offer fun new spicy, sexy ways to have sex.
“Just as the food pyramid has different types of food groups, there are different types of sex to nourish the relationship. There is sex that is all about intimacy and lovemaking – sex for the sake for sex, sex that feels good, sex that appeals to the senses. One of the nice things of 50 Shades of Grey is that it makes people more aware of the sexual landscape of erotic possibility.”
Whether it’s 50 Shades of Grey or The Big, Fun Sexy Sex Book, these page-turning thrillers are guaranteed to give your sex life the boost for which you’ve been looking.
To get your copy of The Big, Fun Sexy Sex Book or get more information about sex in general, visit Kerner’s Web site, www.goodinbed.com or go to Amazon.com.