Today's Love Tip
There's hardly anything more nerve-wracking than a first date with someone you don't know very well. It's hard to say whether awkward silence or saying the wrong thing is more embarrassing. Good conversation is the ideal during a first date,... Read More
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Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom

By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Q: I love my husband, but somewhere along the line we've become more like friends than lovers. We had an amazing sex life early in our relationship but now we're lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do it's pretty unremarkable. I really enjoy sex and I'd like to make it a regular part of our life again. Any suggestions?

A: First of all, you need to take solace in the fact that you're not alone with this problem. Most couples in long-term relationships note a marked reduction in the quantity and quality of sex as the years progress. When you're wrapped up in the heady euphoria of a new relationship, it's hard to imagine that the grinding reality of daily life can ever dampen sexual desire, but, voila! Here you are, years later, juggling kids and a mortgage and a new career, and sex just isn't a priority. And the first step in rejuvenating a lackluster sex life is the awareness of this natural ebb and flow.

Providing there aren't medical reasons for your dwindling sex life (if you're not sure, have a doctor check you out), there are some simple ideas you can incorporate into your life now that can help you and your partner resuscitate your sexual desire:

1. Prioritize sex.

Both partners need to make a commitment to nurture the physical aspect of the relationship. It's a big step to acknowledge that you've been neglecting passion. But once you do, you can begin having the discussions that will get you thinking about sex and eventually bumping it up on your list of priorities. There is no shame in saying, "Hey, we got caught up in life and left something behind that we really miss. Let's agree to openly and honestly work on this together."


2. Plan for sex.

Once you've both agreed to make sex a priority, it's time for some planning. You may be thinking: "Sex should be a spontaneous, natural experience. Planning for it will ruin the magic." Not at all! Quite the contrary: many of the most enjoyable, rewarding things we experience in life are things we must plan for. And when couples put effort into creating the time and space they need for physical intimacy, they temporarily take themselves away from the stresses of their hectic lives. This planned-for time and space actually allows spontaneity to flourish.

3. Plan for romance.

A word for some of you men out there (you know who you are): Planning for sex doesn't mean buying a new multivitamin and sprinting into the bedroom for a quickie. The type of sex that fosters a couple's connection occurs within the context of a loving, intimate relationship. When you nurture romance and make your partner feel special, you set the stage for an evening of passion and great sex. Romance doesn't have to be costly or time consuming (of course, it can if you want it to be). A sensual body massage with your partner's favorite lotion can go a long way in setting just the right mood for passionate love making. Pay attention to romance first, and sex will follow.

4. Become playful and provocative.

Couples in long-term relationships need to revisit the art of flirtation. Flirting and teasing are great ways to fan the flames of desire. Have you ever noticed how people in a new relationship excel at teasing? Whether seducing each other at the supermarket or while sitting at a red light, new lovers discover ways to turn each other on in the most ordinary of circumstances. Unbeknownst to them, these couples are actively creating opportunities to flirt and entice each other. Are you ready to enter the game of flirting with your partner?

5. Nurture your sexual attitude.

The art and skill of flirting starts with a particular attitude. The most important part of this attitude involves giving yourself permission to be playful and provocative with your partner. Without permission, you will remain inhibited and lose the freedom necessary to have a fulfilling sex life. Learn to give yourself permission to have fun with your partner.

6. Talk about sex.

Your assumptions about what your partner enjoys sexually might be standing in the way of a great sex life. You're both evolving--your partner's tastes in music, food, and clothes have probably changed over the years, so why do you assume that his/her sexual desires are the same as when you first met? Ask your partner what turns him/her on today. Don't assume you know (even if you believe you know your partner really well). Maybe there is something s/he would like you to try sexually that s/he would find exciting. Information about your partner's sexual desires and fantasies can go a long way in creating an exciting sex life.


7. Become less predictable.

Some couples fall into a rut because their sexual routines have become too predictable. While familiarity is comforting and helps build trust, it can also become a little boring when it comes to sex. Uncertainty and novelty feed excitement and can give your sex life an electrical charge. Experiment together (there are many good books available to help couples work on improving their sex life) and create a shared sense of adventure in the bedroom (or the living room, or the study...)

Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?

To discover more relationship tips, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."

About the Author:

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom


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Communication in a Relationship

By Michael Brady

Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and wherever we perform routine tasks.

Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person. {relatedarticles}

Do you identify with any of these statements?

"He never listens to me when I talk!"

"She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"

"It's like talking to a brick wall"

"I can't get through to you"

"We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"

"She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"

"He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues"

Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.

Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.


Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication

1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.

2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.

3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.{relatedarticles}

4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.

5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.

"The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself.

6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.


Listening and Feedback

Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication.

Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.

Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.{relatedarticles}

Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind.

It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.


If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.

Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:

Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)

Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)

Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal){relatedarticles}

Giving in (passive, submissive)

Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)

Constructive Style - trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:

Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)

Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)

Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)


When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.

When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn't going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:

1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn't about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don't forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!{relatedarticles}

2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.

3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as "I feel..." rather than "I think you..."

4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.


5. Create multiple solutions. Don't go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.

6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.

7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn't work - go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.

8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.{relatedarticles}

Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication

Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.

Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.

19 Steps to Effective Communication

1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)

3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person's worth as a human being. "Avoid statements which begin with the words "You never ..." or "I think you ...".


5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with "You always ..."

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)

9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you - especially if you are not sure.{relatedarticles}

10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.


14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, "you shouldn't feel like that."

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person's feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.{relatedarticles}

18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.

19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.

Summary

As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.
About The Author

Michael Brady is web entrepreneur and is currently running a very popular dating site (Dating In Ireland). He wishes to coach people on some skills that will make them more prepared for an online dating experience.
The author invites you to visit: http://www.datinginireland.singlescrowd.com.


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Top 5 Cringe-Worthy Moments in the Bedroom

You're having sex and all of sudden something unexpected happens. All you want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out. However, someone else is underneath you ready to burst. What do you do?

Check out the 5 most cringe-worthy moments people experience when having sex. What? You thought you were the only one? Oh no. You definitely aren't solo in embarrassing sex blunders.

But now you can find out what others have experienced and what to do about it. That way, you can be prepared to deal with whatever happens during sex with a chill attitude so you can get back to what matters - sealing the deal.

{relatedarticles}

Cringing Moment #1: Burp During a Kiss

Sometimes the air bubble forms in your stomach and escapes up your esophagus so quickly, there's no chance of swallowing while you are kissing. What happens? You share that burp with your kissing partner!

Ew, right? Well, hey, it happens.


Many people will be able to catch it before it makes it to their mouth, so they simply move away from the kissing session to stifle it or release it away from their partner.

However, those who aren't so lucky will end up hoping their partner doesn't notice. If he does, you can just apologize and allow him to get over it while he starts doing some other pleasing things to you.

Cringing Moment #2: Farting During Sex

Have you ever had sex after a huge dinner? Your belly is full and there's ton of air in there with the food. As you start rolling around, the air escapes from your belly, floats down your intestines and comes out your butt. Uh oh, you just farted and it doesn't smell pretty.

{relatedarticles}

Gas is a normal function of the body. Yes, many people do fart during sex. What do you do?

Don't let it ruin the moment. If your partner hears it or worse, smells it, have a laugh about it. You can quickly apologize but be sure to get right back down to business because the more you dwell on it, the harder it will be to get back into the groove again.


Cringing Moment #3: Saying the Wrong Name

You're in the moment and you're about to release the sexual tension you built up and blurt out, "OH HENRY!" While it's a great treat to your partner because it shows he has pleased you - it's not so great when his name is Bob.

It's okay, with so many people in your life, it's easy to get confused in the heat of the moment - especially if you've been drinking. But what do you do when you accidentally slip and say the wrong name?

Keep going pretending nothing happened. With all of the intensity of the sex you are having, he may not have noticed. If he stops though, apologize immediately and go down on him to help him forget, if he lets you.

Now, if he is completely turned off because you just called him Henry instead of Bob, accept it for what it is - a mistake that can't be undone so you might as well get dressed and head out.

{relatedarticles}

Cringing Moment #4: Sex Move Rejection

Porn can be a dangerous thing to sexual partners. It introduces so many different acts people can do and some people just don't want to do them.

Here's an example of that exact thing happening:


You're having the best sex ever and all of a sudden you feel the need to start doing something you saw in a porno the other night. Your partner says, "HEY, what the &*%^ are you doing?"

Stop immediately and go back to what you guys were doing before, that is, if he's not totally repulsed by the act. If he is, quickly apologize and then lay next to him with your arms and legs over him. Tell him you saw it on porn, wondered what it was like, and just lost control with all of the excitement. Promise not to do it ever again and ask for a round 2.

Cringing Moment #5: Oral Sex Leads to Throwing Up

Going down on him isn't the most desirable thing in the world when your man hasn't showered after a long day at work, which can lead to gagging. Another gag trigger can be when you slip and his dick hits your gag reflex.

{relatedarticles}

Even though gagging isn't so bad, throwing up because of the gagging is pretty humiliating. Just imagine yourself having to stop pleasing your man so you can projectile vomit all over his chest.

So what should you do if this happens? Simply grab a towel, wipe it off and suggest moving over to the shower. That way, he can clean up, you can rinse out your mouth and then start all over again in a new romantic setting.


If he's over the moment and just wants to shower alone, face the reality that you won't be going down on him unless he's freshly showered. It may actually be a positive for you, as you don't ever have to deal with a stinky penis again.

How to Solve Any Embarrassing Moment During Sex

Embarrassing moments during sex happen to everyone. You don't have to be so embarrassed when you're making love with someone you care deeply about because that person won't care at all.

{relatedarticles}

However, knowing what to do when something unexpected happens can hang you up anyway and that can lead to losing the moment. To keep that from happening, remember these three steps.

Step #1: Ignore it

Step #2: Apologize if noticed

Step #3: Move on or accept it and have sex at another time

In most cases, the person you are getting it on with won't care so much about your embarrassing blunder. He will most likely want to move on and get on with the moment. So the next time you find yourself in bed with your lover and something unexpected happens, give yourself a break. It happens and sex will go on.


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