Today's Love Tip
Trying new things, including new positions, can jazz up your sex life and keep the passion in your relationship. It's a great idea to mix things up once in a while - just be sure that doing so isn't going to injure you or your partner. There... Read More
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Can You Break His Bad Habits?

At the beginning of a relationship you tend to see only those things that are most endearing. It takes no effort to see only the best in your man. But a funny thing about relationships is that as they grow, the things you once found endearing become downright irritating.

Suddenly all of his bad habits are shining like a bright beacon and you are ready to snuff out the light. But can you really break his bad habits?

Is this really a bad habit?

The first thing you have to ask yourself is if what you are dealing with is really a bad habit or simply an annoyance. If it's not addressed, a bad habit could end up becoming a destructive force in your relationship. But an annoyance is something you can usually learn to live with.

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If you decide that something he does is just pesky, learn to let it go. We all have a way of rubbing someone the wrong way. All you have to do is ask him and I'm sure he will tell you about the things you do that annoy him.

If on the other hand you decide it's a deal breaker, then it's time to address it. How you go about doing this can mean the difference between a broken habit and a broken relationship.


One Habit at a Time

No one likes to be presented with a laundry list of all the things they do wrong. If you are going to deal with this once and for all, do it one habit at a time.

As soon as you start rattling off your list, he will immediately tune you out. Eventually he will move into defense mode. So determine now to tackle just one habit at a time, starting with the worst offense.

When you begin to see progress with one, then move onto the next habit. Approach each one with a desire to help him, not as a way to spotlight all his faults.

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Don't Nag; Ask Questions

Alerting someone to their bad habits can be a sensitive topic. So the way you approach it is important. Determine ahead of time that you won't nag.

Nagging makes the person feel like you are talking down to them. It comes across as demeaning or to some men, like nails across a chalkboard. It will almost always have the opposite effect of what you are trying to accomplish.


It's best to start off by asking indirect questions such as, "Why do you suppose you..." and then fill in the blank with the bad habit. Your question might take him off guard. It could be that he didn't even realize he was doing it.

Or he might not have known that what he was doing was a concern to you. By asking a question, you allow him the opportunity to think about a solution, instead of immediately feeling like he has to defend himself.

However you should also be prepared for denial. Some people just really have no clue they are doing something that has become a bad habit. If he denies it, be ready to give him specific examples.

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If you generalize his bad habits, it will be harder for him to see them as real issues. However, if you have concrete examples of behaviors you think are toxic, then he has a better chance to understand and make concrete changes that you can track.

When you share your examples, don't use it as an opportunity to vent. Talk in a calm and gentle manner. He will be more receptive to what you have to say.

At the same time, you want to express why his bad habit could be destructive to your relationship. If you are going to bring up what could be a sensitive topic, there should be a valid reason for it.


You should be able to clearly explain how it makes you feel. But be careful to not use words such as, "You do this" or "You make me feel," which will immediately put him on defense. Instead say, "I feel" or "It makes me feel."

Help Him Find Solutions

The idea isn't to open his eyes to a bad habit and then leave it at that. Be willing to help him find a solution.

Try to come up with realistic, helpful ideas. Telling someone to just stop doing something isn't a way to provide support and motivation. You should be willing to be part of the solution.

It could be that his bad habit is something he learned as a child. It may take a bit longer to overcome. Or it could be that his bad habit is simply a matter of changing one thing.

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For instance, you may have started to feel more like a maid to your man. He drops his dirty clothes wherever he happens to be standing at the moment. It's a bad habit that you aren't willing to put up with.

A simple solution might be providing a basket or laundry hamper in the room he most often gets undressed. If he doesn't have the tools available to change his habit, don't expect much progress.


Be His Accountability Partner

Once the bad habit has been brought to light, help him be more accountable. Not in a way that you are constantly bringing it up but in gentle reminders.

You should both decide on a reminder that won't be offensive. Using the dirty clothes as an example, instead of shouting, "There you go again, leaving your mess all over for me to clean up!" turn it into something more playful.

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Remember that bad habits don't change overnight. Expect him to slip up and at times even resist. How you react will determine how the situation plays out.

When it comes right down to it, no one can really break someone else's bad habits. If you try to exert your will over another person's life, it usually ends up backfiring. They have to be willing to make the effort, but you can be their biggest cheerleader.

 


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How Not To Lose Yourself In Your Relationship
If you feel like you've lost touch with the woman you once were, then you need to step back and take a look at what's really going on in your relationship.

Ironically, the very act of falling in love in the first place feels like one is losing oneself in the romance. At the best of times, this feeling is experienced by both partners. But generally speaking, it tends to be sustained throughout the relationship to a greater extent with women.{relatedarticles}

Pleasing Too Much

Women are taught to value cooperation over confrontation and may find themselves pretending to agree with something rather than challenge it. Part of it may be due to our tendencies toward giving our hearts completely and forgetting about our own needs along the way.


Many of us have learned our peacekeeping skills from very early on. These may become so ingrained over time that it becomes difficult to put ourselves first.

So if you find yourself suppressing your own dreams and visions for the the sake of wanting to please, you are creating a co-dependency, where your inner happiness depends on successfully pleasing your partner.{relatedarticles}

As a result, you are keeping a vital part of yourself hidden from view. If your partner doesn't have the chance to experience the real you, there is no longer a healthy give and take in the relationship. There is an emotional inequity. If this continues, it can lead to hidden resentments and crushed dreams.

Back Into Balance

To get back into a healthy balance, give yourself some space. Take some "me" time to be alone and happy. This can be as simple as finding a quiet corner to do something on your own and recharge your sense of self. Here are a few suggestions:


* Spend an evening with no interruptions, rejuvenating in your own special way like reading a special book, luxuriating in a bubble bath, dreaming new dreams...etc..

* Go shopping or spend time with good friends, just goofing around without any worries.

* Develop new friendships and interests to energize yourself and enjoy a new sense of creativity.

* Learn to be more assertive in the moment and state your needs without hurting others.{relatedarticles}

* Set new boundaries so you can garner more respect and appreciation from your partner. Don't forget you trained your partner to treat you the way he does now; you just need to notch it up to a new and healthier level.

Most of all, commit to having more fun in your relationship. Support each other in your individual strengths and encourage each others growth. Respect each other's differences but most of all, be authentic.


When you make your needs a priority in your own life, your relationship will indeed reap the rewards in the healthiest way possible.{relatedarticles}

About The Author

Got a burning question about how not to lose yourself in a relationship? Grandpa Gord and Grandma Gertie put a sensible spin on expert advice, with a little humor thrown into the mix. We cover topics ranging from pets to parenting, careers to hobbies, relationships to lifestyle, finances to food, and everything in between. Visit us athttp://www.sensibleguides.com for some simple and straight from the hip advice from people who've been around the block a few times.

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Women: Make Love Like a Man

art35984Sex is healthy - it burns calories, prevents heart disease, encourages low blood pressure, keeps your stress in check and tones up your muscles. As a matter of scientific fact, at least 2 orgasms per week can even increase your life expectancy. That's right: have sex often, live a long life.

Besides, if sex is what makes the world go round, then women are truly masters of the universe.

However, we could take a page out of the male book every once in a while. Men don't want to have sex because it's healthy for them; they want to have sex because it feels good and because they cannot get it out of the minds, not even for a moment.

For a man, sex is natural, it's fun, and there's rarely a bad time to have it. There's plenty we can learn from this kind of attitude about sex and plenty of benefits to reap from having sex like a man.

Skip the Foreplay

Men are notorious for trying to rush straight to it, and while women typically chide this over-eager take on sex, it can be beneficial to your sex life to indulge in the occasional quickie.

The reason for the difference between the sexes on this one is pretty clear: men can go from zero to orgasm in as little as 90 seconds. It's downright rare for a woman to be able to accomplish the same feat, no matter how talented or well-acquainted her partner is with her preferences.


 

But skipping foreplay doesn't mean that it's all about getting to the finish line. Spontaneity can add unappreciated dimensions to your sex life. Experiment with a quickie in the shower before you start your day and you won't be able to wipe the grin off your face. Simply altering your normal routine can add excitement.

Just don't expect to have a mind-bending orgasm, although that's not necessarily out of the question. Also, don't you have other things to do? Check this one off the list and get to that Mad Men marathon you've been dying to start.

Take Control

If your love life has hit a plateau (and not the good kind), then consider initiating sex and taking the lead. You know what you like and you're much more likely to get the satisfaction you crave if you handle the navigation for your partner.

We might not always think about it, but it's normal for men to feel a degree of pressure during intercourse, particularly when it's expected for them to take the lead. Any failure to excite may feel like a failure on their part, which can make some men less likely to try something different.

And, if you're like 80% of most women, orgasm from penetration might not always be a reality, so tell him what you like and what you don't, and don't be afraid to get on top. Not to mention, men love when women take the lead in sex.


 

Keep the Lights On

What grows by 30% when a man is aroused? That's right: the pupil of the eye. Men are visual creatures, and visual stimulation has a powerful effect on their arousal, but they're not the only ones. Women might enjoy sex in the light more if they were more confident in their bodies.

The truth of the matter is that you will always be more critical of your body than your man ever will. In all likelihood, men are far too enraptured by their sexual arousal to nitpick their own insecurities about their bodies - or yours.

Besides, men love a woman who's confident about her own body, no matter the size or shape. Your man already knows what you look like underneath your clothes, so why hide what you both know he likes in the dark?

So what can you do to increase your self-confidence? Work on it outside the bedroom, whether it's:

  • joining a fitness class;
  • picking up an active hobby; or
  • simply self-affirming your own natural beauty while standing naked in front of a mirror every day.

Self-experiment

It's a known fact that men masturbate - perhaps that they even love to masturbate. Men are twice as likely to masturbate as women, and if you glance at the headlines every now and again, you'll see men getting caught pulling it out and tugging on it in public places. It's an impulse they simply cannot resist.


 

Unlike some (not all) women, most men don't stop masturbating once they're in a relationship, but women typically feel that their sexual satisfaction is spoken for once they're going steady, and quite frankly, that's a real shame.

Masturbating not only helps you understand what you like, but it also keeps your libido high. Women who feel more comfortable masturbating are far more likely to reach climax because they know what they like and they're more confident about showing their partner.

Moral of the story: plan some more private time in your schedule, and don't be shy about introducing masturbation during lovemaking.

Have Sex Because it's Fun and Don't Fake It

Men are brought up by culture and society to believe that their enjoyment of sex is both natural and acceptable, but women are made to feel that if they enjoy sex, something is wrong with them. That's just downright untrue.

Have sex just for the fun of it. Men often act on their sexual impulses, whereas women typically repress them or turn their minds to something else. If you're in the mood, just make a move. Orgasms release feel-good chemicals in your brain that will help you relax and hormones that give your hair, skin, and even your nails a special shine.

Also - don't fake it. Men rarely, if ever, fake an orgasm, so why should you feel pressured into pretending you're satisfied when you're not? Men appreciate honesty, as long as it's expressed in a constructive manner.

To conclude, don't be afraid to experiment with a new perspective. Enjoy the occasional quickie, take control of your lovemaking, have sex with the lights on, masturbate, and engage in sex just for the pure liberation of it.


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