Today's Love Tip
Is your man sexy in every other way...besides smooching? Sloppy, wet, too much tongue - sounds like a dog, but unfortunately, men can be bad kissers, too. But like dogs, men can be trained! First, consider the length of time you've been... Read More
More Love Advice
Women: Make Love Like a Man

art35984Sex is healthy - it burns calories, prevents heart disease, encourages low blood pressure, keeps your stress in check and tones up your muscles. As a matter of scientific fact, at least 2 orgasms per week can even increase your life expectancy. That's right: have sex often, live a long life.

Besides, if sex is what makes the world go round, then women are truly masters of the universe.

However, we could take a page out of the male book every once in a while. Men don't want to have sex because it's healthy for them; they want to have sex because it feels good and because they cannot get it out of the minds, not even for a moment.

For a man, sex is natural, it's fun, and there's rarely a bad time to have it. There's plenty we can learn from this kind of attitude about sex and plenty of benefits to reap from having sex like a man.

Skip the Foreplay

Men are notorious for trying to rush straight to it, and while women typically chide this over-eager take on sex, it can be beneficial to your sex life to indulge in the occasional quickie.

The reason for the difference between the sexes on this one is pretty clear: men can go from zero to orgasm in as little as 90 seconds. It's downright rare for a woman to be able to accomplish the same feat, no matter how talented or well-acquainted her partner is with her preferences.


 

But skipping foreplay doesn't mean that it's all about getting to the finish line. Spontaneity can add unappreciated dimensions to your sex life. Experiment with a quickie in the shower before you start your day and you won't be able to wipe the grin off your face. Simply altering your normal routine can add excitement.

Just don't expect to have a mind-bending orgasm, although that's not necessarily out of the question. Also, don't you have other things to do? Check this one off the list and get to that Mad Men marathon you've been dying to start.

Take Control

If your love life has hit a plateau (and not the good kind), then consider initiating sex and taking the lead. You know what you like and you're much more likely to get the satisfaction you crave if you handle the navigation for your partner.

We might not always think about it, but it's normal for men to feel a degree of pressure during intercourse, particularly when it's expected for them to take the lead. Any failure to excite may feel like a failure on their part, which can make some men less likely to try something different.

And, if you're like 80% of most women, orgasm from penetration might not always be a reality, so tell him what you like and what you don't, and don't be afraid to get on top. Not to mention, men love when women take the lead in sex.


 

Keep the Lights On

What grows by 30% when a man is aroused? That's right: the pupil of the eye. Men are visual creatures, and visual stimulation has a powerful effect on their arousal, but they're not the only ones. Women might enjoy sex in the light more if they were more confident in their bodies.

The truth of the matter is that you will always be more critical of your body than your man ever will. In all likelihood, men are far too enraptured by their sexual arousal to nitpick their own insecurities about their bodies - or yours.

Besides, men love a woman who's confident about her own body, no matter the size or shape. Your man already knows what you look like underneath your clothes, so why hide what you both know he likes in the dark?

So what can you do to increase your self-confidence? Work on it outside the bedroom, whether it's:

  • joining a fitness class;
  • picking up an active hobby; or
  • simply self-affirming your own natural beauty while standing naked in front of a mirror every day.

Self-experiment

It's a known fact that men masturbate - perhaps that they even love to masturbate. Men are twice as likely to masturbate as women, and if you glance at the headlines every now and again, you'll see men getting caught pulling it out and tugging on it in public places. It's an impulse they simply cannot resist.


 

Unlike some (not all) women, most men don't stop masturbating once they're in a relationship, but women typically feel that their sexual satisfaction is spoken for once they're going steady, and quite frankly, that's a real shame.

Masturbating not only helps you understand what you like, but it also keeps your libido high. Women who feel more comfortable masturbating are far more likely to reach climax because they know what they like and they're more confident about showing their partner.

Moral of the story: plan some more private time in your schedule, and don't be shy about introducing masturbation during lovemaking.

Have Sex Because it's Fun and Don't Fake It

Men are brought up by culture and society to believe that their enjoyment of sex is both natural and acceptable, but women are made to feel that if they enjoy sex, something is wrong with them. That's just downright untrue.

Have sex just for the fun of it. Men often act on their sexual impulses, whereas women typically repress them or turn their minds to something else. If you're in the mood, just make a move. Orgasms release feel-good chemicals in your brain that will help you relax and hormones that give your hair, skin, and even your nails a special shine.

Also - don't fake it. Men rarely, if ever, fake an orgasm, so why should you feel pressured into pretending you're satisfied when you're not? Men appreciate honesty, as long as it's expressed in a constructive manner.

To conclude, don't be afraid to experiment with a new perspective. Enjoy the occasional quickie, take control of your lovemaking, have sex with the lights on, masturbate, and engage in sex just for the pure liberation of it.


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When Should You Take It Personally?

We hear so often, "Don't take it personally." What does this really mean? The answer is NOT simple!

Let's say that you are in a great mood, feeling loving and expansive, and someone - either someone close to you or a stranger like a clerk in a store - is withdrawn or attacking.{relatedarticles}

This is when it is important to not take it personally. Their behavior is coming from whatever is going on for them - they are tired, not feeling well, feeling inadequate, angry from a previous interaction, judging themselves, coming from their own fears of rejection or engulfment, and so on. When you take their behavior personally, it is because you want to believe that you have some control over their behavior. You want to believe that if only you were different, they wouldn't treat you badly. This is a huge false belief, as you have no control over what is going on with them, and their behavior has nothing to do with you.


On the other hand, let's say that you are in your ego wounded self, and you are shut down, harsh, attacking, blaming, or people-pleasing. When this is the case, if others are also shut down or attacking, their behavior might be personal to a certain extent. They might be taking your behavior personally and reacting to it from their own ego wounded self.

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While you are not causing them to react with withdrawal or attack - it is the fact that they are taking your behavior personally that is causing them to react - you are also not innocent in the interaction. So it is always important to notice your own open or closed energy to see whether their behavior is not at all about you, or whether they are being reactive with you.

Another scenario to be aware of is: if you are open and loving and another is closed and harsh, their behavior DOES affect you. Even if you do not take their behavior personally, their unloving behavior can cause some deeper core feelings of loneliness, helplessness, heartache, heartbreak, and sadness. Taking their behavior personally may be a way to cover over these deeper painful feelings, because when you tell yourself that their behavior is your fault, then you might feel anxious, depressed, guilty, or shamed. As bad as these feelings feel, they are actually easier to feel because you are the one causing them by taking their behavior personally.


Likewise, if you are the withdrawn or harsh one, and a person close to you is not taking your behavior personally and are feeling their own core painful feelings caused by your unloving behavior, they may choose not to be with you. They might not want to be with you when you are withdrawn or attacking. In this case, it is important that you DO take their behavior personally and explore what you are doing that is resulting in exactly what you likely don't want - their moving away from you.

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The bottom line is that if you are being open and loving, then it is important to never take another's behavior personally. If you are operating from your wounded self and are withdrawn or attacking, then you might want to explore your own behavior when others are also withdrawn, attacking, or when they disengage from you because they don't want to be around you.

Your open and loving behavior is NEVER the cause of another's unloving behavior. Your closed, withdrawn or harsh behavior is also not the cause of their closed, withdrawn or harsh behavior, but can be the cause of them not wanting to be with you, and it is important to open to learning about your own withdrawn or harsh behavior.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah. Discover real love and intimacy! Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer:http://innerbonding.com/relationshipmicro/relationship-micro-1/ and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.


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Are You A Sex Addict?

Hollywood A-listers like Tiger Woods, David Duchovny, and Jesse James have accidentally pioneered the acknowledgement of sexual addiction as a serious problem.

However it may appear in the tabloids, sex addiction is real and it can be the root of a number of problems that can affect the rest of your life. It may be the desire to constantly masturbate, watch porn, pick up strangers, and engage in sex at any opportunity.{relatedarticles}

Sex addiction can consume your life, and it may lead to complications in not only your relationship, but also your health, your work, your relationship with your friends and family members, legal trouble, and a general loss of interest in the rest of your life. If you do suspect that you are a sex addict, read on to find out what the tell-tale signs of sex addiction are.

You Experience Interruptive Thoughts about Sex.

If thoughts about sex or sexual activity are interrupting your day without provocation, that might be indicative of a problem, particularly if those thoughts push the bounds of decency.


If you're suddenly hit with the thought of what kissing, fondling, or having sex with a complete stranger, an acquaintance, a close friend, or a family member, you are experiencing sexually obsessive thoughts.

You've Been Leading a Double Life.

Do you have a lover on the side? Are you regularly cheating on your partner? Do you keep your sex life a secret from your friends and those around you? If you've been leading a double life to fulfill your own sexual desires, it may be a signal that you have a sex addiction.{relatedarticles}

While it's true that a number of people, both male and female, cheat on their significant others, a constant compulsion to do so isn't normal.

If you've been keeping your activities a secret from the people you care about the most, it begs one question - why? Why are you hiding what you're doing? If you know what you're doing is wrong but you can't stop yourself, you have a problem.

You are Constantly Looking for New Sexual Material

One of the markers of a preoccupation with sex is the compulsion to constantly seek out only media that is related to sex. This is different from the average guy (or gal) who watches pornography on occasion, reads sex articles, or looks at stimulating photographs. These are normal, natural human compulsions, and an interest in sex is not indicative of a problem.


On the other hand, if you are always looking for sex-related material to the exclusion of other things you may have a problem. Is your productivity at work suffering because you're browsing adult dating sites or reading steamy sex stories? That's another sign.{relatedarticles}

You Jeopardize your Relationships

We're not talking about just your personal relationship with your partner. A sex addiction can easily begin to interfere with your professional and social circles. Your deceptive behavior, necessary to cover up your sexual exploits, can put a strain on your friendships when your loved ones ask about where you are or what you're up to when you so frequently disappear by yourself.

Your stress over relationship conflict can lead you to indulge further in your sexual addiction, creating a dangerous whirlpool that can suck up your whole life.

You Feel Negatively about your Behavior

If you feel shameful about your behavior and have the impulse to hide it, you have a problem and you need to seek out help and support. Negative emotions are a common human experience, but if you're trapped in a cycle of being unable to withhold yourself from your behavior and then feeling remorse or depression about your actions, your psychological well-being is in jeopardy.


Sex addiction is not different from most other addictions, and your counterproductive behavior and hiding of it can destroy your sense of self-worth and lead you into a dangerous pattern of denial. It can also lead to guilt, depression, and even suicidal feelings.

When we do things that we can't restrain ourselves against, then hate ourselves because we can't help ourselves, we lead ourselves down a dangerous path of self-destructive behavior that can take hold of our lives and compromise all aspects of our life.{relatedarticles}

You Engage in Sexual Thrill-Seeking

You may be seeking out exciting encounters if you're not being satisfied or stimulated by having sex with the same partner, and what might be a one-off can quickly turn into a habit. You may be engaging in dangerous sex escapades with strangers, having sex in public or unusual places, and opening yourself up to potentially harmful situations.

If you find that you are never satisfied by having sex with your partner, your sexuality may be suffering. Constantly looking for new sexual thrills is often a hallmark of a sex addiction that has gotten out of control.


You Have Gotten in Trouble with the Law

If your dangerous thrill-seeking has led you down a destructive path, you might attempt having sex with prostitutes, having sex with minors, or engaging in exhibitionism.

These illegal activities can not only land you in legal trouble, but could also smear your public reputation and leave you outside the good graces of your friends, family, co-workers, and the general public (which tends to frown on these sorts of sexual exploits).{relatedarticles}

Other actions that might not necessarily be illegal but could still be offensive or indicative of a problem include indecent phone calls, dialing sex hotlines, or voyeurism.

When the compulsion to express your sexuality lands you in trouble, it's a sign that you might be a sex addict. Sex shouldn't be a legal issue, and if it's causing problems in your life, it could lead to a breakdown of your relationship with your partner or your relationship with others.

Not to mention, it could be terribly embarrassing to have your name spread all over local and social media channels.

If you're experiencing one or any of these symptoms, you may have a sex addiction. Fortunately, there is help available. Online websites and discussion forums are a good place to discuss your problem in anonymity. Always remember: the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem


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