Today's Love Tip
Who would've thought saying three little words could be so difficult or open up such a can of worms for a couple who cares about one another? Unfortunately, in the beginnings of a relationship that has the potential to be serious, that's... Read More
More Love Advice
Do You Need a Sex Surrogate?

Have problems in bed? A poor body image? Trouble talking to or approaching women? Premature ejaculation? Then you may want to consider a sex surrogate. Sexual surrogacy is a unique type of therapy designed to placate sexual and social anxiety and treat patients with sexual issues and dysfunctions.

A surrogate is almost like a sexual or social stand-in. Through socialization, as well as sexual and physical contact, a surrogate can help patients treat underlying issues. According to the International Professional Surrogates Association, the work of a surrogate is "designed to build client self-awareness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. {relatedarticles}

Each program is designed to increase the client's knowledge, skills, and comfort. As the days pass, clients find themselves becoming more relaxed, more open to feelings, and more comfortable with physical and emotional intimacy." Sex surrogates often treat patients through a combination of talking, touching, physical contact and even intercourse.


A sex surrogate can be helpful in treating a number of sexual problems, including:

  • premature ejaculation - the inability of a man to delay ejaculation or ejaculate at the appropriate time;
  • erectile dysfunction - problems achieving an erection in sexual situations;
  • problems with orgasms - either the inability to have them or a dissatisfaction with the current level of orgasms;
  • fear of intimacy - anxiety related to physical contact or emotional closeness;
  • sexual shame - feeling guilty or shameful for having sexual desires or experiences;
  • self-confidence issues - having low confidence or a negative image of oneself;
  • fear because of sexual abuse or trauma - this could be because of rape, incest, etc.;
  • sexual orientation issues - confusion about one's sexual orientation or leaning;
  • issues with sexual appetite - the lack of or a low level of sexual desire ;
  • social anxiety - trouble interacting with people, socializing and more;
  • lack of experience - especially in the case of a virgins; and
  • lubrication issues - the inability to become properly lubricated before or during sex.

Essentially, you see a sex surrogate like you would a therapist. Typical sessions will begin with you and your surrogate talking about your sexual issues and anxieties. Unlike a typical therapist, however, a sex surrogate will be more "hands on" in their approach to your treatment. Sex surrogates use sexual encounters and physical interactions to treat their patients.{relatedarticles}

According to a New York Magazine article, Rita Bell, a New York sex surrogate, regularly uses massages, sensual touching, bubble baths, massages and intercourse to help her patients attack their issues, although not all patients' treatments require full-on intercourse. "There is no sex just for the sake of having sex. It's about solving the problem," Rita says.


Through physical encounters, sex surrogates can help patients build sexual skills, a healthy body image and an improved comfort level with intimacy. Continued treatment with a sex surrogate can also help patients learn to develop healthy ongoing relationships and proper social skills.

Sex surrogates don't just provide sex. According to a 1983 study of surrogates by Dr. Raymond J. Noonan, 48% of a surrogate's time is spent on non-sexual exercises and experiences.{relatedarticles}

The study also showed that surrogates spent 34% of the time talking with their patients and another 4.5% teaching them social skills, often in public settings. Only 13% of a surrogate's time goes toward sexual encounters, according to the study, and most of these are toward the end of the patient's treatment program.

In addition to helping patients cope with definitively sexual problems, sex surrogates often work with patients on their communication skills, emotional attachment issues and even their hygiene, with the ultimate goal of helping the patient become a more sexually and socially healthy person.

According to sex surrogate Lisa Carr on CarnalNation.com, surrogacy "aims to enrich the client's world sensually and emotionally as well as erotically."


Sexual surrogacy was developed in 1970 by sex researchers William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson. Masters and Johnson conducted an 11-year study in which female volunteers provided hands-on treatments for sexual problems and issues. The study followed the treatment of 510 married couples, 54 single men and 3 single women.

Masters and Johnson saw a staggering 75% success rate with the single men in the study. The full results of the study and the pair's idea for a sex surrogacy treatment program were released in the book Human Sexual Inadequacy.{relatedarticles}

If you have issues with intimacy, lack sexual experience or have social or sexual anxieties, treatment with a sex surrogate may be able to help you conquer your problems. Not only can a sex surrogate give you help in treating the physical aspects of your issues, but they can help you develop better communication skills and improved self-confidence.

Before considering a sex surrogate, ensure you have the funds to back it up. According to sex surrogate Lisa Carr, the typical cost for sexual surrogacy treatment is pretty expensive, coming in at about $2,500. Health insurance usually will not cover any part of it.

Sexual surrogacy is also fairly unorthodox treatment, so there may not be a sex surrogate in your immediate area. You may need to budget for travel expenses, lodging and more for your treatment.


Sex surrogates have seen success in treating men and women of all ages, races and sizes, and they could help you. But remember, a sexual surrogate is not just there for sexual encounters.

Be prepared to have open and honest conversations about your problems, sexual history and intimacy issues. You will also need to disclose your medical history as well as any medications you are currently on, as these could be effecting your sexual health.{relatedarticles}

There is no tried and true way to determine whether you need a sex surrogate or not. If you are willing to put in the time, effort and hard work that therapy with a sex surrogate will require, it may be a beneficial treatment for you to seek.

A sex surrogate can help you tackle sexual and social issues, as well as enhance your social, communication and relationship-building skills, thus improving your overall quality of life.


Read More
Is Online Dating For You?

In the past several years, the dating scene has changed considerably. People are busier, careers sometimes move to the top of our priority list, and dating has had to evolve as a result.

Online dating has transformed the way adults can meet their next date, expanding your options far beyond who you can meet at the local watering hole. Pick-up lines have been replaced with profiles, and the online dating scene has opened up a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to relationships and dating.

Online dating is a more organized, thorough approach to meeting someone. People who sign on to online dating sites usually provide basic information about themselves, such as their name, age and where they live. Pictures and personal tastes, such as favorite types of music and movies, as well as general interests can also usually be added to a user profile.

Some dating websites also allow users to indicate the type of person they are looking for, and in some cases matches can be made for you. Part of the process is deciding which type of online dating site you prefer and which one(s) use a method that works for you.


Some of the most popular online dating sites include:

eHarmony - eHarmony has a compatibility matching system that uses 29 personality variables to determine who you are most suited to. It will only allow you to contact people that the matching system determines you may be highly compatible with.

Match.com - With 15 years of experience, Match.com is ranked as one of the largest dating sites in the world.

Okcupid - This is a free dating site that allows you to contact anyone you like on the system. They can also provide matches for you and also allow users to create and complete fun quizzes to help you meet like-minded singles.

Lavalife - Some users will find a bit of versatility with this site, where members can select from a variety of options that include dating, but allow for other choices such as: relationships, intimate encounters, and so on.

Chemistry.com - Uses research from world-renowned biological anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, to make predictions about who best matches your chemistry profile.

Advantages to Online Dating

There are a number of advantages to online dating. One of them is that with millions of people participating, you practically have the pick of the litter. Online dating has also become an increasingly popular way of meeting others without resorting to bars or trying to pick someone up in a book store, which means online daters can look for their next date from the comfort of their living room.


Many online dating services also offer special features that will get you that much closer to meeting someone special. With profiles, pre-screening, personality tests, and other functions, you stand a pretty good chance at finding the perfect date or future mate - depending on the service you choose.

Another advantage to online dating is the sense of control it offers. When you set up a profile, you can choose how much information to share. You are also able to specify the type of person you want to meet. Since there is no requirement that you meet anyone in person, you get to decide if you want to give someone your phone number or meet up at a physical location. You can take your time interacting with and getting to know someone online before you make the decision to actually go on a date.

Honesty is an issue that you will have to consider. You are never guaranteed that someone you meet online is being honest. Yet the same can be said for meeting someone face-to-face. Most online communications involve a great deal of frankness. In these discussions you can get right to the point.

This may eliminate many of the emotional risks that are otherwise involved in dating. Plus, if you decide you are no longer interested in communicating with someone, it's much easier to stop responding to them online than awkwardly leave a restaurant or have to wait for a horrible date to end.

There is also a lot of flexibility with online dating. Whenever you want, you can log on and chat, check profiles, or see who has contacted you. No matter what time of the day it is, or what day of the week, the world of online dating is at your fingertips.


Disadvantages to Online Dating

Naturally, there are some disadvantages to online dating. Just as having an opportunity to be really honest can be an advantage; there is the potential that what someone says online is not entirely-or even partially-true.

It is impossible to know if a profile or photo is completely truthful, so there is always some risk involved that the person who shows up to your first date is very different than the person you thought you met online.

You also have no guarantees of what will happen once you meet face-to-face. Online it might seem like you are a perfect fit. However, once you meet in person, if the chemistry isn't there or there are some things about the other person that were never disclosed (physically or otherwise), your date might not end up being the right fit. All the time spent nurturing and building a virtual relationship could come up empty-handed once you actually meet the person.

Another disadvantage is distance - especially if you meet someone who lives far away. While the Internet is great at bringing us closer together, trying to date someone across the country can be extremely difficult, especially with someone you may have never even met in person. Unless, of course, you are ready and willing to possibly begin your life somewhere new.

Finally, there is a cost to joining many online dating services. Most charge some type of fee, such as a monthly membership; however, other sites may charge extra fees for features like messaging, contacting another member or setting up a more advanced profile. It's important to find out what the fees are going to be ahead of time and get a good feel for the online dating service. You don't want to pay for months of service only to find out after a week that this site is just not for you.


There are advantages and disadvantages to online dating, so weigh them carefully before you jump in with both feet. Having a clear understanding of what you are getting into will make the experience more successful. Be realistic about your expectations and what you hope to gain from it. Spending time researching the different online dating services will also help you find the best fit.

In addition to the popular online dating services listed in this article, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of others designed for almost everyone. Some online dating services are set up based on specific hobbies, lifestyles, interests, and relationship types. By doing a little research you can find an online dating site (or several) that offer exactly what you are looking for in a dating service-and a mate!

Life is busy and sometimes it's hard to find the time to get out there and meet someone, particularly if you are sick and tired of the single's bar scene. If you are looking for true love or just a friend, then online dating could be just the answer for you.


Read More
Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom

By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Q: I love my husband, but somewhere along the line we've become more like friends than lovers. We had an amazing sex life early in our relationship but now we're lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do it's pretty unremarkable. I really enjoy sex and I'd like to make it a regular part of our life again. Any suggestions?

A: First of all, you need to take solace in the fact that you're not alone with this problem. Most couples in long-term relationships note a marked reduction in the quantity and quality of sex as the years progress. When you're wrapped up in the heady euphoria of a new relationship, it's hard to imagine that the grinding reality of daily life can ever dampen sexual desire, but, voila! Here you are, years later, juggling kids and a mortgage and a new career, and sex just isn't a priority. And the first step in rejuvenating a lackluster sex life is the awareness of this natural ebb and flow.

Providing there aren't medical reasons for your dwindling sex life (if you're not sure, have a doctor check you out), there are some simple ideas you can incorporate into your life now that can help you and your partner resuscitate your sexual desire:

1. Prioritize sex.

Both partners need to make a commitment to nurture the physical aspect of the relationship. It's a big step to acknowledge that you've been neglecting passion. But once you do, you can begin having the discussions that will get you thinking about sex and eventually bumping it up on your list of priorities. There is no shame in saying, "Hey, we got caught up in life and left something behind that we really miss. Let's agree to openly and honestly work on this together."


2. Plan for sex.

Once you've both agreed to make sex a priority, it's time for some planning. You may be thinking: "Sex should be a spontaneous, natural experience. Planning for it will ruin the magic." Not at all! Quite the contrary: many of the most enjoyable, rewarding things we experience in life are things we must plan for. And when couples put effort into creating the time and space they need for physical intimacy, they temporarily take themselves away from the stresses of their hectic lives. This planned-for time and space actually allows spontaneity to flourish.

3. Plan for romance.

A word for some of you men out there (you know who you are): Planning for sex doesn't mean buying a new multivitamin and sprinting into the bedroom for a quickie. The type of sex that fosters a couple's connection occurs within the context of a loving, intimate relationship. When you nurture romance and make your partner feel special, you set the stage for an evening of passion and great sex. Romance doesn't have to be costly or time consuming (of course, it can if you want it to be). A sensual body massage with your partner's favorite lotion can go a long way in setting just the right mood for passionate love making. Pay attention to romance first, and sex will follow.

4. Become playful and provocative.

Couples in long-term relationships need to revisit the art of flirtation. Flirting and teasing are great ways to fan the flames of desire. Have you ever noticed how people in a new relationship excel at teasing? Whether seducing each other at the supermarket or while sitting at a red light, new lovers discover ways to turn each other on in the most ordinary of circumstances. Unbeknownst to them, these couples are actively creating opportunities to flirt and entice each other. Are you ready to enter the game of flirting with your partner?

5. Nurture your sexual attitude.

The art and skill of flirting starts with a particular attitude. The most important part of this attitude involves giving yourself permission to be playful and provocative with your partner. Without permission, you will remain inhibited and lose the freedom necessary to have a fulfilling sex life. Learn to give yourself permission to have fun with your partner.

6. Talk about sex.

Your assumptions about what your partner enjoys sexually might be standing in the way of a great sex life. You're both evolving--your partner's tastes in music, food, and clothes have probably changed over the years, so why do you assume that his/her sexual desires are the same as when you first met? Ask your partner what turns him/her on today. Don't assume you know (even if you believe you know your partner really well). Maybe there is something s/he would like you to try sexually that s/he would find exciting. Information about your partner's sexual desires and fantasies can go a long way in creating an exciting sex life.


7. Become less predictable.

Some couples fall into a rut because their sexual routines have become too predictable. While familiarity is comforting and helps build trust, it can also become a little boring when it comes to sex. Uncertainty and novelty feed excitement and can give your sex life an electrical charge. Experiment together (there are many good books available to help couples work on improving their sex life) and create a shared sense of adventure in the bedroom (or the living room, or the study...)

Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?

To discover more relationship tips, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."

About the Author:

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom


Read More