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If you've just had a baby, then sex probably isn't the first thought on your mind. In fact, it's probably not even on your list of things to do anytime in the near future. But for your partner, when you can resume having sex may be at the... Read More
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5 Signs He Is the Right One For You

Wish as we might-and despite what romantic comedies would have you believe-there is no magic answer to finding the perfect mate. Discovering if someone is the right one for you usually takes some time. Although we may wish to act solely on instinct-which can be helpful in determining if he is the right one-it is important to give it time before reaching that final decision.

While there is no set-in-stone policy for finding love, there are 5 signs you can use to determine if he is the one.

Sign #1 He Is the Right One - You Respect One Another

When it comes to figuring out if he is the right one, respect should be at the top of the list. Respect is also something that should go both ways. He should respect you and you should respect him, in turn.

You can tell he respects you when:

  • He is willing to compromise
  • He listens to your concerns and feelings
  • He notices when something is wrong and asks you about it
  • He values your opinion
  • He appreciates you
  • He is genuinely happy for you when you succeed

All of these are signs that he has respect for you. You should also demonstrate these same things to him. On the other hand, if you find that either of you are unwilling to compromise, concerns and feelings are dismissed, or you notice something is wrong but don't inquire, then you have some tell-tale signs that there is a lack of respect.

If either of you flippantly dismisses the other's opinions or act as if they are inconsequential, there is clearly a lack of respect. If you greet one another's successes with jealousy instead of enthusiasm and support, you need to take a minute to assess the level of respect that exists in your relationship.

Sign #2 He Is the Right One - He Has the Qualities You're Looking For

Ideally, you should know ahead of time what qualities are important to you in a mate. Trying to figure it out after the fact can lead to serious problems. If you have a good idea of the qualities you are looking for-the ones that are the most important-it will help you determine if he is the right one.

It helps to write a list. Select at least 10 qualities you are looking for in a man. Put that list in the order of importance. Take a serious look at the list and cross off any qualities that aren't so important. Some qualities are probably negotiable. If that is the case, they can likely be removed from the list. The idea is to get down to at least the top 5 non-negotiable qualities that you are looking for.


All of this must be done by keeping 2 important things in your mind. First, no one is perfect. If you are looking for Mr. Perfect, you might as well stop looking and recognize that perfection simply doesn't exist. With that in mind, know that you don't have to just "settle" for "good enough." You want to have the confidence of knowing that he is not someone you have simply settled for but he is the right one for you. The list of qualities you are looking for will help determine that.

Compare your list of top 5 non-negotiable traits and compare it to the man in question. Remember, these were non-negotiable qualities that you selected, so if he doesn't fit all of them, there is a good chance that he is not the right one for you. It's surprisingly easy to fall into the trap of trying to change your standards, but you should never change your standards to fit someone else. You can't make someone be who they aren't.

If he meets every one of your non-negotiable qualities, chances are good that he may be the right one for you.

Sign #3 He Is the Right One - You Share the Same Values

What do you value most? What values make up the life you have chosen to live? These are important questions to ask yourself, as they will help determine if he is the right one for you. Values are usually in-line with those non-negotiable items that will give you a clue as to whether or not he is the right one. If you don't share the same values, consider that to be a red flag.


An important factor to consider is if you find yourself compromising your values for him. Values really make up who we are. If you are changing your values in order to please someone else, then you are essentially trying to change yourself and that is never a good sign in a relationship!

Values are something that should be discussed ahead of time. Don't guess at what he values most in life, ask him! If he doesn't seem to have any values, or he can't articulate them, that might be another red flag to look for. A man of real substance is flexible, but will possess firm, well-reasoned values.

Sign #4 He Is the Right One - Your Intuition Tells You

Your intuition-your gut-should never be ignored. At the same time, it should never be THE deciding factor. Your intuition should serve as a guide, something you rely on when considering whether or not he is the right one.

Intuition is more than just how physically attracted you are towards him. It goes beyond that to a place deep inside where you just seem to "know." It's usually just a sense or a feeling that this person is the right one.


Whether your instincts are saying he is or isn't the one, it's an important consideration. Many times our instincts are right. Of course, our best instincts can be wrong and someone can present themselves to be something that they are not. This is why intuition is only one sign to consider in determining if he is the right one for you.

Sign #5 He Is the Right One - You Can Be Yourself With Him

You will not be appreciated or valued by a man who tries to change you or who cannot love you, flaws and all. So if you can be who you are when you are with him, he might just be the right one for you. This means he not only accepts the good in you, but also your weaknesses and faults. When you can be yourself, you will experience a sense of freedom. You will have confidence in knowing that he accepts you just as you are.

When taking these 5 signs into consideration, you will have a good idea if he is actually the right guy for you.


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Pick-Up Tactics That Work

If you're a single woman who is in the market for a great date, you may be wondering about how to successfully pick up men (or women), particularly if you've decided that you would like to meet someone the old fashioned way - i.e. in person and face-to-face. Once you spot someone you're interested in, it's time to consider what pick-up tactics work.

Many women shudder at the idea of hitting the dreaded single's bar, where the only thing you're guaranteed is to hear a bunch of cheesy pick-up lines, often with nothing to show but disappointment and a lack of quality meetings.

Best Places to Pick-Up Men (Hint: It's Not the Single's Bar)

Depending on your age and objectives, you may picture single's bars or dance clubs as the best places to meet men. You may think that all you need to do is throw on your sexiest outfit and head out, where you're guaranteed to pick up men all night. But your competition in these settings will be very high, and these dark, loud, and often smoky settings aren't conducive to figuring out if someone is right for you.

Some of your best chances for a successful pick up will happen in more organic settings, such as a dog park, the beach, a coffee shop, grocery stores, sporting events, or even the Laundromat. These places allow you to more easily strike up a natural conversation-about the weather, a pet, a book-instead of relying on tired pick-up lines that do nothing to showcase your brain, personality, or creativity.


Instead of meeting in a single's bar where everyone is busy trying to get noticed, you can actually spend time getting to know someone in a more natural environment, where you're both more likely to be relaxed and act like yourselves.

The best places to pick up men are often daytime venues and relaxed atmospheres, neither of which apply to single's bars or clubs. These settings also have the advantage of letting you see what the man is interested in, whether it's books, bikes, pets, or football. This helps you to hone in on men with whom you share similar interests or hobbies, generally making for a more pleasant experience for the both of you.

When you're relaxed, you're more likely to use natural body language and make eye contact, both of which are important factors when trying to pick up someone that you are interested in.

Flirting at the Park

A large public park-particularly one that allows dogs or has spaces for playing Frisbee, football or soccer-is one of the best places to meet men and employ some pick up tactics that work. If you spy a man enjoying time with his dog and think you'd enjoy time with him too, you're in luck. This is a great opportunity for flirting with a cute guy.


You can flirt naturally by telling him how you cute you think his dog is, openly showing affection by petting the dog and asking questions about the breed or age of his furry best friend. This can lead to a conversation about other things and gives you a chance to feel him out and see if there are any sparks between the two of you.

He doesn't have to have a puppy to get the conversation going. If you see an interesting man sitting on a park bench and reading, ask him about the book he's reading, and so on. Keep things casual and cool and you have a low-pressure way to show interest in someone new.

Flirting at the Beach

If you've got plenty of body confidence and a nearby body-of-water, you might want to consider the beach as a pick-up zone. But there's more to it than showing up in a bikini and hoping that a cute guy will happen to trip over your beach towel.

Grab a friend or two and head to the beach for a day of fun. And here's the key: actually have fun! Come armed with some piece of sporting equipment, a cooler full of cold water and snacks, and a great, open attitude.

If a man sees you having fun with your friends - playing Frisbee, paddle ball or sand volleyball - he's more likely to wander over and introduce himself. Likewise, don't be afraid to make the first move. If you see a good-looking man or group of men that are chilling on the sidelines, ask them to join your game.


Pick-Up Tactics That Work at the Coffee Shop or Book Store

Maybe you'll meet your next date when you're both at Starbucks and your eyes lock across a tall, non-fat mocha Frappuccino, or you both reach for the same book in the narrow aisles of a local book store. Yes, these situations are the stuff that romantic comedies are made of, but there's a reason that film cliché exists. You've practically got a built-in pick-up line at the ready. Comment on the drink he ordered, ask about the book he's holding, or offer to buy him a coffee.

Flirting at the Laundromat

Single guys need clean clothes too! Instead of plowing through this seemingly thankless weekly chore as quickly as possible, keep your eyes peeled for any cute guys who seem to be there by themselves. Scan their laundry basket for any signs of a girlfriend or wife-i.e., women's clothing-and don't be afraid to employ the tried-and-tested "Do you have any extra quarters/fabric softener/detergent/magazines?"

Yes, it's a pick-up line, but it's a practical one as well. If he doesn't bite, you can play it off by asking the person next to him for the same thing. If, however, he gives you a friendly smile, that's your cue to turn the request into a conversation. Start with something non-threatening ("I can't believe how quickly this stuff builds up. I swear, it multiples while I sleep.") and move the conversation along to something more interesting and non-laundry-related.


There is no guaranteed formula for flirting or mastering the art of the pick-up. The best thing that you can do is to act naturally and to have fun, no matter what you're doing or where you go. If you are relaxed and seem happy and easy-going, you're far more likely to attract the attention of single men who will want to get to know you better.

The pick-up tactics that work are the ones that are the most natural. Try a new hobby, or sign up for an intramural sport at the local parks and rec. The more active and engaged you are in your community and the more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to meet someone new and have the confidence you need to get their number.

Don't be afraid to approach someone who seems interesting. Just look for something to kick off the conversation (their book, their dog, their bicycle), smile, make eye contact and keep it cool. Most important? Be open and be yourself.


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A Match Made In Hell? Red Flags That He's Not the One

You're seeing someone new, and while the chemistry is there, you're just not sure if your compatibility extends past the bedroom. Finding love is never easy, but there are some relationship red flags that can tell you if your new courtship is all sizzle with no substance or if you should give your new relationship a chance to grow.

Relationship Red Flag: All Your Friends Hate Him

It's completely understandable that your new love interest might not instantly bond with all of your friends. Maybe they don't share any common interests or perhaps you have a friend working through some jealousy issues; however if you've introduced your new guy to several different friends and they all think he's a jerk, there maybe something to that.

While you need to form your own opinion, your friends also might be seeing something in him that you are not. So if they start complaining about your guy, listen openly and honestly to what they have to say. If several different people are all picking up on some off-putting or rude behavior, it could be a real sign that something isn't right.


Relationship Red Flag: The Ex is Still Around

Being friends with an Ex isn't always a red flag, but it's important to look at the dynamics of the relationship. Occasionally hanging out with his Ex and a few other friends is usually pretty harmless, but if your new guy is constantly spending time with an old girlfriend, calling or receiving phone calls/text/emails every few days, or keeps pictures of her around his house, it may be a sign that his old girlfriend is still a pretty important part of his life.

At this point you need to determine if they are really just friends or still harboring emotions that will make your life miserable. If your boyfriend isn't ready to leave his old girlfriend behind, he might not be ready to start a new relationship with you.

Relationship Red Flag: You Catch Him Lying

Everyone stretches the truth a bit from time to time, especially when the truth might really hurt someone's feelings, but some lies can be a red flag that something bad is going on behind the scenes.


It's one thing to tell a little white lie about a new haircut looking great or that the homemade dinner was of restaurant quality, but if you start catching your boyfriend lying about where he's been, who he was with, or even what he was doing, it could be a sign that something shady has-or is about to-happen.

Consistently lying about small, seemingly inconsequential things establishes a pattern that can easily lead to lying about the big stuff. There's no reason why your new guy should lie to you about going bowling with his buddies, so if he told you he was eating dinner at his grandma's house instead, you should start thinking about an exit strategy.

Relationship Red Flag: He Never Invites You Over

Relationships involve two people, so it's natural to involve two households. If he only ever wants to hang out at your place and never invites you over to his, something's just not right.

Perhaps he still lives with his parents and he's embarrassed about it. Perhaps he's married or involved with someone else. Or perhaps he's just a giant slob whose apartment should be quarantined. No matter what the reason is, if he flat out refuses to bring you back to his place, you need to find out why.

You'll want to know a little more about his domestic habits before you get too involved and decide to move in together, and you'll definitely want to know if you're the other woman and he already has someone else waiting for him at home.


Relationship Red Flag: He's a Control Freak

It is one thing to like things a certain way, but if your new boyfriend thinks it's his way or the highway, then it's time to keep driving. You are your own person with your own life, goals, dreams, likes, and dislikes. The last thing you need is some guy thinking he knows how to run your life better than you do.

If your new boyfriend constantly tells you what clothes to wear, how to talk, how to act, and so on, he isn't respecting you or your choices. What seems controlling now could become increasingly more abusive as time goes on, so if he isn't okay with letting you make your own decisions, it's time to send him packing.

Relationship Red Flag: He's Only Got Eyes For You

While being adored by a new boyfriend can feel pretty wonderful, if you are the only thing in his life he cares about, it could mean that he doesn't have anything else going on.

Healthy relationships occur when two independent people with their own lives and interests meet and like each other enough to spend time together. If he doesn't have any friends, hates his job (or has no job), hates his apartment, his life, etc. he's probably not ready for a healthy relationship with anyone and he may become very clingy or prone to smothering you with too much attention.


It's important for both of you to feel some confidence in who you are and what you want in order to give and take in a relationship with another person. If you are the only positive thing in his life, what are you getting out of the relationship?

Dating is usually harder than many of us would like-or like to admit-but sometimes knowing what to watch out for and what to avoid can save us early-on from relationship disasters and dead-end dating. If you find that these relationship red flags sound all too familiar, it may be time to ditch your guy and head back to the dating pool.

They say opposites attract, but if you and your new beau are more like oil and water (or cats and dogs) than milk and cookies, it's time to honestly assess your new relationship. These red flags should give you enough advance warning to get out of a bad relationship before it goes too far.


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