Today's Love Tip
Trying new things, including new positions, can jazz up your sex life and keep the passion in your relationship. It's a great idea to mix things up once in a while - just be sure that doing so isn't going to injure you or your partner. There... Read More
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5 Things Wrecking Your Sex Life

Is your hot and steamy love life feeling more lukewarm these days? You might think you're doing everything right, but there are sneaky sensual snafus that could be destroying your sex life. While most of them are easily fixed or avoided, you need to identify where you went (or are going) wrong. These five things could be ruining your sex life, so sit down, read up and get ready to light that fire once again.

1. Getting Grossed Out - Let's face it - the human body doesn't always produce the sexiest smells, areas of hair or secretions. If you flinch at the hint of a little B.O. down there, an untrimmed bikini line or the thought of bodily fluids touching you anywhere, you could be turning your partner off, or even worse, offending him or her.

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There are a few ways you can overcome the "ick" factor - only have intercourse in or right after a shower, turn the lights off to avoid looking at things you don't like and keep plenty of towels or tissues on hand for liquid mishaps. Remember, sex is messy, so you should work on embracing the fact that you're going to get sweaty, squished and crumpled, and move on.


2. Being Afraid to Experiment - Instead of laughing in his or her face the next time your partner suggests a sexy cowgirl getup or edible underwear, give it a try. You could find it silly, but it may increase the pleasure your partner experiences and rejecting him or her could kill the mood. Unless it's something you morally object to or might cause you harm, go for it. Who knows -- you might even discover that being "Nurse Betty" is your thing.

3. Not Knowing What You Want - If you don't know what buttons to push or what gets you in mood, it can be nearly impossible for your partner to do so. If you have a hard time reaching orgasm, spend some time solo exploring yourself and experimenting with toys to learn what works for you. Pay attention during sex and take a mental note of what moves or positions you like best and what you dislike. Plan a lesson for your dude and see if he does his homework.

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4. Being Embarrassed - What woman hasn't almost screamed in horror when looking at her thighs in the mirror, or had an absolute mental breakdown when passing gas in front of someone? When these things happen in the bedroom, it can feel like the end of the world. It's important to realize that once men turn on their sex-brain, very little can turn it off.


They are so focused on wanting you and getting down to the dirty deed that they're unlikely to be fazed or even notice that little jiggle under your arm or that you forgot to do laundry and are wearing your granny panties. Sometimes the human body will get the best of you, and your period will start early or you may let out a noise closer to a "moo" than a moan. Laugh it off instead of freaking out, and your man will too. If you're so focused on what he could notice, you won't be able to enjoy the task at hand.

5. Falling Into a Boring Routine - Do you have a standing calendar appointment for getting naughty? While it's important to make time in your schedules for sex, arranging a set day and time for it is one of the quickest ways to squash your sex life. Not only is it boring, but you also may find that you aren't in the mood at that time or have to "cancel" your appointment and wait a whole week for the opportunity again.

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Come home early from work and greet your partner at the door in lingerie or arrange for a sexy night under the stars and camp out in the backyard. Anything out of the ordinary, even if it may seem simple, can pump up the pleasure factor.


It doesn't matter if you've been married for decades or just started seeing someone, these phobias, fears and oversights can begin to cause serious problems for your relationship if not addressed. If you can relate to one or more of these sexual slip-ups, there are things you can do to turn your situation around and get back in the saddle.

Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror or photographs of yourself and focusing on the things you see that you like. The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more you can relax during sex.{relatedarticles}Talk to your partner. Most men aren't mind readers, and if you're struggling with a sexual issue, he may not notice until you tell him. Be open and honest about what you are feeling, what you want, what you dislike and how you can both work together to improve the situation.


If these issues seriously affect your relationship or marriage in a negative manner and you cannot seem to tackle the problem on your own, consider professional help. Modern sex therapists are a far cry from Dr. Ruth and can work with you discreetly to improve your bedroom bumbles, and, in turn, the health of your relationship.

Not sure where to start? Stumped on new ideas? Visit a sex shop or rent an adult video to get new ideas and supplies for experimenting. Nothing should be off limits.{relatedarticles}Don't worry if you experience a sexual slump. It's normal for couples to go through different stages of sexual enjoyment and frequency. If you realize you may be committing some of these sexual sins, don't worry -- there is still time to repent. By recognizing that there is a problem, you can be more proactive and tackle it head on.


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4 Reasons to Dump Him

Having doubts about your man? How do you know when it's time to kick him to the curb? There are all kinds of deal breakers out there, but if you spot one or more of these four red flags, it's time for him to hit the road.

1. He isn't supportive. The modern woman expects a true life partner. Gone are the days of aspiring to take care of a man or putting your needs on the backburner for his. Non-supportive traits include:

  • Making fun of or belittling your goals and ambitions in career or life
  • Making you feel guilty for spending time at work
  • Not helping around the house{relatedarticles}
  • Ignoring you in times of need or distress
  • Pressuring you into making life decisions like quitting your job, moving or having children

If you bring it up and he still doesn't get it, dump him.


2. You can't be yourself around him. Are you playing a character of who you think he wants to be with? Not only does this perpetuate a relationship based on lies (even if it's just through omission), but it also can be detrimental to your emotional well-being.

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Lying about your job or considering a breast enhancement just to impress someone or to fit into their "ideal" is a bad idea. The best partners are the ones who make you feel great in your own skin and who you can relax around. If you reveal your true self to someone you're dating, and he doesn't appreciate your true colors, dump him.

3. He's a user. We all know the type - the freeloading dude who spends his days in the coffee shop, nights playing in a band and lives with his parents. However, users aren't always this easy to spot. It may start slowly as he "forgets" his wallet or has his car "repaired," but if you notice that these situations are becoming more normal than exceptions, it's time to run.


You are not an ATM, a taxi driver, a cell phone provider, hotel or sex machine. A real relationship consists of contributions from both sides -- not just emotionally but also financially. If you think he's taking advantage of your generosity, dump him.

4. He doesn't get along with your friends and/or family. What would life be without your girlfriends? Any person you are seriously considering dating also will most likely spend time with the people in your life who you care about.

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While variety is the spice of life, if you find that your new boo and your friends or family are getting into knock-down, drag-out fights, he speaks to them inappropriately or talks about them badly in public, despite your feelings, dump him.


Any relationship should end immediately, no matter what, if the following things occur:
  • He is physically abusive
  • He is verbally or emotionally abusive
  • He threatens you or your friends and family
  • He steals from you
  • He cheats on you
  • He habitually lies to you

{relatedarticles}Reach out for help from friends, family and law enforcement if you have serious concerns about your safety and well-being in any of these situations. If you break off a relationship and he begins to stalk or threaten you, don't be afraid to take action.

Every relationship will have its ups and downs, but if the thought of spending one more moment with this person makes you want to scream, it's over. When ending things, even if you are angry, stay calm.


  • Weigh the pros and cons. Are you really ready to end it or are you just caught up in the moment? Make sure the reason you are ending it is legitimate and that you are prepared to deal with the consequences.
  • Don't break up over a text message or email. Tweeting the bad news is tacky. Everyone deserves at least a phone call when ending a relationship to ask questions and get the closure they need.{relatedarticles}
  • Don't blindside him. How can you expect him to change or work on problems if you never told him about them? If you aren't happy, bring it up and discuss it first before jumping straight to the breakup.
  • Hold your ground. He may try to convince you that you need to be with him or that you'll never find another boyfriend if you break up with him. Don't be sucked into claims that he's "changed" or "will work harder." And don't look back after the deed is done.
  • Be Honest. Don't lie about why you are ending the relationship or say things like "maybe we can be together in the future" if you don't mean it.

If you've only been together a short time or it has been years, a breakup is never easy or enjoyable. {relatedarticles}Remember that you don't owe anyone anything, and you have the right to end a relationship for whatever reason you choose and whenever you feel is right. It will take time to get over the breakup, and it's normal to be sad and even angry.

Allow yourself to feel these emotions and give yourself time recover before diving into the dating scene again. Turn to your girlfriends and family for support, and you'll be back on your feet in no time.


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The Pros and Cons of One-Night Stands

Maybe you just got dumped, haven't had sex in longer than you'd like to admit or are just really horny. Whatever the reason, a one-night stand could be the cure. However, if you're new to sex with strangers, you might be a little leery. Before you hit the clubs on the prowl, check out these pros and cons to make sure the experience is really what you want.

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Let's start with the pros of a one-night stand. The benefits of a tryst with a sexy stranger can include:

  • Mind-blowing Sex - One-night stands are often the result of body shots and beer buckets, which can lower shyness and increase experimentation. You're never going to see him again, so go ahead and try that pretzel-twist or fake British accent if that's what gets you going.
  • Ego Boost - Feeling like you've lost your mojo? Making eyes from across the room and closing the deal with ease can make you feel like the world's sexiest woman.{relatedarticles}
  • Feeling Liberated - Been shackled to the missionary position and polite kissing with boring dudes? Use this as a way to break out of the mold of the "good girl" and enjoy sex like a man.
  • "No really, baby, I did it for you." - A recent study published in the Journal of Human Sexuality showed that friends with benefits, one-night stands and booty calls can actually help people make better decisions when they finally decide to enter long-term relationships.

On the other hand, exploring the sexual playground could leave you getting sand kicked in your face. The cons could come along with a quickie.

  • Sexually Transmitted Diseases - You don't know this person very well and therefore are in the dark about his or her sexual health and history. You may also be inebriated, which can cause you to do things, like have sex without protection, that you normally would not.{relatedarticles}
  • You Could Become Depressed - Making one-night stands a regular thing could mean you're seeking something you can't get from regular relationships. Beware of these interactions if you start feeling used or guilty.

  • Becoming Attached - Sorry, ladies, but some of us have a hard time separating sex and emotions. If the thought of a guy sneaking out in the night or not taking you to brunch after you've spent the night doing the nasty makes you upset, you should skip the one-night stand.

Got the good and bad and you're still ready to go? When trolling for a one-time night of passion, you can put these tactics to the test to get what you are looking for.

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  • Put yourself in the right situation - Places like weddings, holiday parties, dance clubs and hotels are breeding grounds for one-night stands. People are in high spirits, drinking and ready to have a good time.
  • Look Like You're Having Fun - No one is going to hit on you if you look like your dog just died. Get out on the dance floor, tell jokes, do a shot - show guys that up for anything and looking to have fun.
  • Protect Yourself - Keep an eye on your drink, and if you leave with a guy, let your friends know where you are going and when you expect to be back. Pop a few condoms in your clutch - nothing makes a temporary experience more permanent than a baby or disease.{relatedarticles}
  • Play it Cool - Even if you are new to one-night stands, don't tell your potential hookup, and don't expect a relationship. By keeping your expectations in check you can prevent possible disappointment.

  • Be Mysterious - The point of this exercise is to be anonymous and fleeting. Don't even use your real name if you can help it, and refrain from contacting him on social media post-coitus.

  • Don't Feel Guilty - Society has programmed women to feel bad about exploring and embracing their sexuality. You won't feel sexy or be able to enjoy the experience if you're worried about looking like a "slut" the whole time.
  • Stick with a Stranger - Hooking up with a friend, coworker or a relative of a friend can cause awkwardness in the light of day. Keeping it strictly-stranger can help you avoid problems and embarrassing run-ins.{relatedarticles}

In the end, you should do what you feel comfortable with and not feel pressured. If you find yourself in a situation that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable, get out of there. Just because you started something with a guy doesn't mean you have to finish it. On the other hand, it can be a great exercise in pushing your personal boundaries and creating new life experiences to do something out of the ordinary and challenge yourself.

By thinking through the options beforehand you can ensure that you are making the right decision - even if you feel bad about it later, don't beat yourself up for too long. After all, you will never see that person again and you don't even need to tell your friends about the one-night stand if you don't want to. Keeping it to yourself can be a great little secret that adds to your mystery and relationship wisdom.


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