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Creating the perfect environment that stokes the fires of intimacy and passion while still promoting restful sleep and a relaxing retreat can be difficult. But if you notice that your lovers skulk off into the sunrise, never to be seen or... Read More
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Sex Myths Explored

Men are always thinking about sex. Happy couples have a lot of awesome sex. Planned sex isn't romantic or satisfying. The myths are everywhere, and even if they might not be painted on billboards, somehow, at one point or another, many of us have ended up believing 1 of these common lies.

The mythology surrounding sex is perhaps the most perpetuated in the world, possibly in all of creation. There are some social and psychological explanations for why people believe the things that they do about sex, sure, but we can put an end to the nonsense right now by debunking some of the most popular and outrageous sex myths.

Men want sex more than women do. Not at all. Unlike men, however, women's sexual desires are more subject to the whims of hormone cycles. Men receive a regular, steady supply of hormones to their brain, whereas women's monthly hormonal changes make them more prone to have a lot of sex at certain times of the month, and disinclined others.

Men are always ready for sex. This might be true of newly post-pubescent high school and college students. Young men generally think about sex all day, no matter what other activities they are (or should be) engaged in. Once a man reaches his mid-20s, however, other parts of his life start to take center stage, whether it's studies or a career, and real-life stressors start to catch up to that once indefatigable sex drive.

Men are susceptible to the same stressors women are, and pressure, money, arguments, work, and the foibles of life drain sexual desire, just like they do for women.

Men are more promiscuous than women. Well... this one is kind of true, but not as true as you might think, because women tend to underestimate their sex lives, while men tend to overestimate, according to a recent poll. This is likely because of societal pressures placed on both sexes.

Because of this, men believe that they are expected to behave in a certain way, and that they are somehow measured by the number of women with whom they have slept. While there is a whole argument to be made about how these types of messages are encouraging the wrong kind of behavior, that's for another day.

If you're good in bed, you can please anyone. While it's likely that someone with a good deal of experience and practice will turn out to be a better romp in the sheets than a virgin, experience isn't everything. Your emotional and psychological state can have as much an influence over your bedroom experience.

Happy couples have great sex all the time. Life and its pressures get in the way often, especially for a couple that has children. Sometimes it can be hard to line up mutual schedules and still feel in the mood. Just because you're not having sex multiple times per week doesn't mean there is something wrong with your sex life, and if you and your partner don't feel the urge to do so that often, then what's the big deal?

That doesn't necessarily mean that a couple that has been married for 8 years and has 2 children can't have a fantastic sex life, but their definition of that sex life may be different from yours. Like anything, your perception of your sex life is subjective, and if you and your partner are both satisfied, that's really all that matters.

If you plan to have sex and it isn't spontaneous, something is wrong with your sex life. No, you and your partner just have a busy life outside the bedroom, and there's nothing wrong with that. The hormones that fuel spontaneous desire tend to lapse after about 18 months or so of being in a relationship, although many couples find that desire takes a dramatic dip after about 9 months of dating.

That doesn't mean you and your partner will never again be attracted to one another, but gentle reminders to both your brain and your body can help. Spontaneous sex is good, but the anticipation of a planned evening also makes for an enjoyable experience.

Most women orgasm through intercourse. Few myths have been perpetuated as much as this one has. Only about 30% of women orgasm from penetration alone, according to some studies, and many need clitoral stimulation in order to achieve climax. This is no one's fault, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with a woman's body or with a man's performance.

If the female body were re-imagined, maybe someone would have the good sense to put the clitoris inside the vagina instead of outside of it. Sure, some women have fabulous orgasms from penetrative sex and love it, but that's the exception, not the rule.

Women don't like dirty sex or porn. Completely false. Not all men are pornography connoisseurs, and not all women want rose petals on their pillows. Every person is different and has different preferences, and those preferences don't have anything to do with gender.

Watching porn isn't necessarily a guy thing, and researchers from Washington University's School of Medicine found that when women look at erotic images, they experience the same rapid increase in brainwave activity that men do. Some men enjoy a romantic evening, some enjoy pornography, many enjoy both, and the same is true for women as well.

If someone has an affair, it's because he or she doesn't love their partner. If your partner cheats on you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are not loved, but it is a pretty strong indicator that he doesn't respect you enough to be faithful to you. (This only goes for relationships in which both partners have mutually agreed to be monogamous, of course.)

People cheat for a variety of reasons, and while some fall back on the excuse of sex addiction or alcohol or circumstance, the truth is that it's a complex issue that can't be reduced to just 1 variable or another. Just remember maintain the value of your own morals in this case.


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Caught Cheating? What To Do Next

Most people don't purposely set out to cheat on their partner. It's unlikely someone wakes up one morning and adds infidelity to his or her agena. It just happens. Unfortunately, cheaters never prosper, especially when they get caught in the fact. And the fallout can often be catastrophic for everyone involved. Are you prepared for what happens next?

What to Expect

Obviously, your man is not going to be too happy about the thought of you being unfaithful to him. He will most likely be outraged that you broke his trust in you. It doesn't matter if it was just a one-time thing. How does he know that it won't happen again?

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If you want to salvage the relationship, it will take a lot of extra effort on your part because you will need to regain his trust in you. There's no guarantee he will take you back, so don't be surprised or angry toward him if he doesn't. Imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned. You may not be so quick to forgive either.

First Questions You Should Ask

The first thing you want to do is assess the relationship. Why did you cheat? Was it just something that happened in the heat of moment? Or are you bored with relationship? Do you want to stay with your partner and continue the relationship? You need to spend some time thinking about these things because they could be part of the reason you strayed. If you want the relationship to end, then now's the time to call it quits.


The Next Steps

If you want to save the relationship, the next step is to own up to your mistakes. There's no use in denying it because you've been caught red-handed. Your partner has proof of you cheating on him, so be honest. Admit to the dirty deed and beg for forgiveness. A lot.

You need to prove to your man that he truly means the world to you. Explain that what you did was a huge mistake that will never happen again. Stress the fact that you will do what it takes to make the relationship right again.

Most people who have been cheated on feel bad about themselves because they feel that they can't give the cheater what they want, or that they somehow contributed to the cheating. So you need to make sure your man knows what a good guy he is and that he is not at fault for your actions.

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Follow your guy's cues. Some people need a break to think about the relationship and help rebuild their trust in the other person. If he needs some time apart, give him some space. If he wants to spend even more time with you, it may be because he's afraid to leave you alone.


In either case, grant him his wish. It takes time to forgive someone, and you may want to consider doing what you need to do to make your partner feel better about the situation.

Don't buy him things to show your remorse. Many people who have done their partners wrong resort to buying them things because it's the easy way out. Don't take the easy way out. You need to focus on doing things to make the situation better.

Make him his favorite home-cooked meal or go with him to that sporting event he's been talking about. Doing these types of things show that you are truly thinking about him and are willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work.

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If this wasn't your first time cheating on your man, you may want to seek professional help to determine why you continue to be unfaithful. Perhaps you enjoy the thrill of cheating or maybe you're scared of commitment. In any case, you need to nail down the underlying reason before trying to gain trust in your man. Continuing to cheat will just hurt the relationship and it will never heal.


What Not to Do

Don't tell your partner how to feel. It's only normal for the person cheated on to feel angry or depressed. Don't make him feel like the bad guy for being upset about what happened. He lost his trust in you and is angry about that.

Remember, you're the one that made the decision to cheat. Don't get mad at him for being angry. It's only understandable in this situation. Give it time and he will feel better.

Don't deny what happened or place the blame on your partner. Lying about what happened will only make things worse. Come clean with the details and assure your man that it will never happen again. You also don't want to blame him for what happened. It's important that you show some accountability.

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He did not force you to sleep with another man. If problems in the relationship caused you to cheat, then you still need to take responsibility.

If you want to continue the relationship but your partner doesn't want to, don't resort to violence or revenge. Your cheating has already caused enough problems in the relationship and getting nasty will make him resent you even more. It's his right to discontinue the relationship, considering the circumstances.


Moving On

It can take a long time to forgive someone for cheating. Even if you and your man do stay together after you cheated on him, there is a good chance your relationship won't survive the long haul. If you do get caught cheating on him, you need to start repairing your relationship quickly and prevent any further damage.

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We all make mistakes. It's up to you to prove to him that although you are not perfect, you do love him with all your heart and are willing to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship. It will take a lot of effort on your part, but if you truly want to hang on to your man, it will be worth it.


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Dirty Talk for Shy Women

Believe it or not, dirty talk isn't just reserved for phone sex operators and porn stars. Even the average Jane is capable of some serious trash talking if it means turning on her man. Many guys get a cheap thrill over having their girls talk sexy smack. If the notion of talking dirty intimidates you, keep an open mind before you vow to close your mouth.

Dirty talk is becoming more commonly accepted in modern relationships, and some men even request or accept it. Although the mere thought of talking dirty can be embarrassing, there are some ways you master the art of dirty talk and quickly become a pro.

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What does your man like?

When it comes to sex, you can't please your man if you don't know what he wants or how he likes it. The same holds true for dirty talk, so if you don't know, it never hurts to ask. You'll want to get to the bottom of what types of words or phrases turn him on.

Before you embark on this hot new journey, it's definitely a good idea to have a talk before some "talk." You want to get a good grasp on his likes and dislikes. Although you may feel stupid for asking, having a frank discussion with him helps you know your man better. It's no different than how you would address anything else that goes on behind closed doors. Plus, if he really loves you, he will be patient and helpful.


Learn from the Pros

Watch some porn for inspiration. Although many adult films are badly scripted, you may be able to take away some ideas from these flesh flicks. Read an erotic book for tips. A dirty magazine with photos and sexy stories can be helpful. Consider reading them aloud to your man for inspiration. If you have enough courage, call a phone sex operator and ask for advice.

Start Slow

You're not going to become an expert right away, so ease into the process. If talking dirty in person makes you cringe, start with email or text messaging. Emails and texts allow you to think before you send, so you have a little extra time to come up with something naughty. Plus, you don't see your partner's reaction, so it eases some of the pressure.

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Once you feel more comfortable, make the seamless transition to phone sex. You'll actually be talking dirty to your man, but not face-to-face. Of course, you won't see any of his reactions, which can make it a little easier. Once you have conquered this step, it's time to move on to the real deal.


Know Your Limits

You don't have to swear like a sailor to engage in dirty talk. If you don't feel comfortable using dirty words, then keep it clean -- as in profanity free. Your man should understand and want you to feel comfortable. Plus, dirty talk quickly loses its allure when it seems rigid or forced. .

Start with things you are comfortable with saying. For example, if you and your man have special names for your private areas, use them. Feel free to use metaphors for things you want to say, but would otherwise feel uncomfortable saying. For example, instead of using the F-word, you can use verbs like "do me" or "thrust me" without sounding like a hardcore porn star.

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You can also use examples of "soft" dirty talk to get you started and hopefully rev your man's motor. Some simple but effective phrases you can use include "You really turn me on when you do that," "Want to see what I really want?" or "Punish me, I've been naughty today." The trick is not simply to "copy" phrases that you've seen or heard, but to actually say what you want to do and or what you are thinking. In other words, put some feeling behind it.

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Once you feel comfortable with these types of phrases, you can move on to dirty talk that's a little more provocative. You can start by describing what you're going to do your man before you actually do it. This will get him excited in anticipation of what will happen next. You can says things like "I'm going to take control of you tonight," "I'm going to strip for you right now" or "I'm going to kiss you all over."


If you get comfortable with these phrases, you can move on to hardcore dirty talk - the crème de la crème. Without embarrassment, you tell your man how you really feel. Let loose and say whatever is on your mind sexually speaking. Use your imagination and let your inhibitions run wild. Your man will think he's with a hot porn star.

Relax

You're probably getting stressed out, thinking how you can muster up the courage and ability to talk like this to your man. But the main thing is to relax and just let things happen naturally. You know how when your man stresses out about sex, he doesn't perform as well? It's the same with dirty talk. If you stress too much, it sounds unnatural and forced, which is the opposite of what you're trying to accomplish.

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Granted, some people work well under pressure, but when you're still learning the ropes of successful dirty talk, relaxation is very important. Practice makes perfect. As long as you're trying your best to not let your shyness overcome you, then your man should be pleased with your progress.


Although talking dirty can make many shy women feel immoral or disgusting, learning the art of dirty talk can make actually bring you closer to your man. Once you get accustomed to the act, it can actually improve your sex life by turning on your significant other.

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A little old fashioned dirty talk actually helps women let go of those inhibitions and experiment in the bedroom. If your man enjoys dirty talk, consider cutting loose and cultivating a mouth that's worthy of some soap.


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