Today's Love Tip
But sometimes you get that niggling feeling that a woman giving your man attention is doing so to get some attention back from him. Sometimes you might get the feeling she'd like you out of the picture completely. So when should you listen to... Read More
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Women: Make Love Like a Man

art35984Sex is healthy - it burns calories, prevents heart disease, encourages low blood pressure, keeps your stress in check and tones up your muscles. As a matter of scientific fact, at least 2 orgasms per week can even increase your life expectancy. That's right: have sex often, live a long life.

Besides, if sex is what makes the world go round, then women are truly masters of the universe.

However, we could take a page out of the male book every once in a while. Men don't want to have sex because it's healthy for them; they want to have sex because it feels good and because they cannot get it out of the minds, not even for a moment.

For a man, sex is natural, it's fun, and there's rarely a bad time to have it. There's plenty we can learn from this kind of attitude about sex and plenty of benefits to reap from having sex like a man.

Skip the Foreplay

Men are notorious for trying to rush straight to it, and while women typically chide this over-eager take on sex, it can be beneficial to your sex life to indulge in the occasional quickie.

The reason for the difference between the sexes on this one is pretty clear: men can go from zero to orgasm in as little as 90 seconds. It's downright rare for a woman to be able to accomplish the same feat, no matter how talented or well-acquainted her partner is with her preferences.


 

But skipping foreplay doesn't mean that it's all about getting to the finish line. Spontaneity can add unappreciated dimensions to your sex life. Experiment with a quickie in the shower before you start your day and you won't be able to wipe the grin off your face. Simply altering your normal routine can add excitement.

Just don't expect to have a mind-bending orgasm, although that's not necessarily out of the question. Also, don't you have other things to do? Check this one off the list and get to that Mad Men marathon you've been dying to start.

Take Control

If your love life has hit a plateau (and not the good kind), then consider initiating sex and taking the lead. You know what you like and you're much more likely to get the satisfaction you crave if you handle the navigation for your partner.

We might not always think about it, but it's normal for men to feel a degree of pressure during intercourse, particularly when it's expected for them to take the lead. Any failure to excite may feel like a failure on their part, which can make some men less likely to try something different.

And, if you're like 80% of most women, orgasm from penetration might not always be a reality, so tell him what you like and what you don't, and don't be afraid to get on top. Not to mention, men love when women take the lead in sex.


 

Keep the Lights On

What grows by 30% when a man is aroused? That's right: the pupil of the eye. Men are visual creatures, and visual stimulation has a powerful effect on their arousal, but they're not the only ones. Women might enjoy sex in the light more if they were more confident in their bodies.

The truth of the matter is that you will always be more critical of your body than your man ever will. In all likelihood, men are far too enraptured by their sexual arousal to nitpick their own insecurities about their bodies - or yours.

Besides, men love a woman who's confident about her own body, no matter the size or shape. Your man already knows what you look like underneath your clothes, so why hide what you both know he likes in the dark?

So what can you do to increase your self-confidence? Work on it outside the bedroom, whether it's:

  • joining a fitness class;
  • picking up an active hobby; or
  • simply self-affirming your own natural beauty while standing naked in front of a mirror every day.

Self-experiment

It's a known fact that men masturbate - perhaps that they even love to masturbate. Men are twice as likely to masturbate as women, and if you glance at the headlines every now and again, you'll see men getting caught pulling it out and tugging on it in public places. It's an impulse they simply cannot resist.


 

Unlike some (not all) women, most men don't stop masturbating once they're in a relationship, but women typically feel that their sexual satisfaction is spoken for once they're going steady, and quite frankly, that's a real shame.

Masturbating not only helps you understand what you like, but it also keeps your libido high. Women who feel more comfortable masturbating are far more likely to reach climax because they know what they like and they're more confident about showing their partner.

Moral of the story: plan some more private time in your schedule, and don't be shy about introducing masturbation during lovemaking.

Have Sex Because it's Fun and Don't Fake It

Men are brought up by culture and society to believe that their enjoyment of sex is both natural and acceptable, but women are made to feel that if they enjoy sex, something is wrong with them. That's just downright untrue.

Have sex just for the fun of it. Men often act on their sexual impulses, whereas women typically repress them or turn their minds to something else. If you're in the mood, just make a move. Orgasms release feel-good chemicals in your brain that will help you relax and hormones that give your hair, skin, and even your nails a special shine.

Also - don't fake it. Men rarely, if ever, fake an orgasm, so why should you feel pressured into pretending you're satisfied when you're not? Men appreciate honesty, as long as it's expressed in a constructive manner.

To conclude, don't be afraid to experiment with a new perspective. Enjoy the occasional quickie, take control of your lovemaking, have sex with the lights on, masturbate, and engage in sex just for the pure liberation of it.


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When Should You Take It Personally?

We hear so often, "Don't take it personally." What does this really mean? The answer is NOT simple!

Let's say that you are in a great mood, feeling loving and expansive, and someone - either someone close to you or a stranger like a clerk in a store - is withdrawn or attacking.{relatedarticles}

This is when it is important to not take it personally. Their behavior is coming from whatever is going on for them - they are tired, not feeling well, feeling inadequate, angry from a previous interaction, judging themselves, coming from their own fears of rejection or engulfment, and so on. When you take their behavior personally, it is because you want to believe that you have some control over their behavior. You want to believe that if only you were different, they wouldn't treat you badly. This is a huge false belief, as you have no control over what is going on with them, and their behavior has nothing to do with you.


On the other hand, let's say that you are in your ego wounded self, and you are shut down, harsh, attacking, blaming, or people-pleasing. When this is the case, if others are also shut down or attacking, their behavior might be personal to a certain extent. They might be taking your behavior personally and reacting to it from their own ego wounded self.

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While you are not causing them to react with withdrawal or attack - it is the fact that they are taking your behavior personally that is causing them to react - you are also not innocent in the interaction. So it is always important to notice your own open or closed energy to see whether their behavior is not at all about you, or whether they are being reactive with you.

Another scenario to be aware of is: if you are open and loving and another is closed and harsh, their behavior DOES affect you. Even if you do not take their behavior personally, their unloving behavior can cause some deeper core feelings of loneliness, helplessness, heartache, heartbreak, and sadness. Taking their behavior personally may be a way to cover over these deeper painful feelings, because when you tell yourself that their behavior is your fault, then you might feel anxious, depressed, guilty, or shamed. As bad as these feelings feel, they are actually easier to feel because you are the one causing them by taking their behavior personally.


Likewise, if you are the withdrawn or harsh one, and a person close to you is not taking your behavior personally and are feeling their own core painful feelings caused by your unloving behavior, they may choose not to be with you. They might not want to be with you when you are withdrawn or attacking. In this case, it is important that you DO take their behavior personally and explore what you are doing that is resulting in exactly what you likely don't want - their moving away from you.

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The bottom line is that if you are being open and loving, then it is important to never take another's behavior personally. If you are operating from your wounded self and are withdrawn or attacking, then you might want to explore your own behavior when others are also withdrawn, attacking, or when they disengage from you because they don't want to be around you.

Your open and loving behavior is NEVER the cause of another's unloving behavior. Your closed, withdrawn or harsh behavior is also not the cause of their closed, withdrawn or harsh behavior, but can be the cause of them not wanting to be with you, and it is important to open to learning about your own withdrawn or harsh behavior.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah. Discover real love and intimacy! Click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer:http://innerbonding.com/relationshipmicro/relationship-micro-1/ and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.

 


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How Not To Lose Yourself In Your Relationship
If you feel like you've lost touch with the woman you once were, then you need to step back and take a look at what's really going on in your relationship.

 

Ironically, the very act of falling in love in the first place feels like one is losing oneself in the romance. At the best of times, this feeling is experienced by both partners. But generally speaking, it tends to be sustained throughout the relationship to a greater extent with women.{relatedarticles}

Pleasing Too Much

Women are taught to value cooperation over confrontation and may find themselves pretending to agree with something rather than challenge it. Part of it may be due to our tendencies toward giving our hearts completely and forgetting about our own needs along the way.


Many of us have learned our peacekeeping skills from very early on. These may become so ingrained over time that it becomes difficult to put ourselves first.

 

So if you find yourself suppressing your own dreams and visions for the the sake of wanting to please, you are creating a co-dependency, where your inner happiness depends on successfully pleasing your partner.{relatedarticles}

As a result, you are keeping a vital part of yourself hidden from view. If your partner doesn't have the chance to experience the real you, there is no longer a healthy give and take in the relationship. There is an emotional inequity. If this continues, it can lead to hidden resentments and crushed dreams.

Back Into Balance

To get back into a healthy balance, give yourself some space. Take some "me" time to be alone and happy. This can be as simple as finding a quiet corner to do something on your own and recharge your sense of self. Here are a few suggestions:


* Spend an evening with no interruptions, rejuvenating in your own special way like reading a special book, luxuriating in a bubble bath, dreaming new dreams...etc..

 

* Go shopping or spend time with good friends, just goofing around without any worries.

* Develop new friendships and interests to energize yourself and enjoy a new sense of creativity.

* Learn to be more assertive in the moment and state your needs without hurting others.{relatedarticles}

* Set new boundaries so you can garner more respect and appreciation from your partner. Don't forget you trained your partner to treat you the way he does now; you just need to notch it up to a new and healthier level.

Most of all, commit to having more fun in your relationship. Support each other in your individual strengths and encourage each others growth. Respect each other's differences but most of all, be authentic.


When you make your needs a priority in your own life, your relationship will indeed reap the rewards in the healthiest way possible.{relatedarticles}

About The Author

Got a burning question about how not to lose yourself in a relationship? Grandpa Gord and Grandma Gertie put a sensible spin on expert advice, with a little humor thrown into the mix. We cover topics ranging from pets to parenting, careers to hobbies, relationships to lifestyle, finances to food, and everything in between. Visit us athttp://www.sensibleguides.com for some simple and straight from the hip advice from people who've been around the block a few times.

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