Today's Love Tip
The clingy girlfriend is a staple of romantic comedies in which guys do their best to get away from a woman who could go Fatal Attraction on him at any moment. Most women feel possessive, jealous, insecure or angry at some point in a... Read More
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Love Him from a Long Distance: 5 Secrets

Some people may say that it is impossible to keep the fires burning on a long-distance relationship. Others reply that simply isn't true because absence makes the heart grow fonder. So who is right? The survivability of your long-distance romance will depend on the type of relationship you have built.

New couples often feel the bumps in the road separating them more intensely, while established couples can navigate the potholes better and keep their romance on cruise control.{relatedarticles}

Although long-distance romances present unique challenges, they are not predetermined to fail just because the fire isn't stoked every day. However, until the great divide between you and your significant other ends, here are 5 secrets for managing your long-distance relationship that will strengthen the bridge between you and your sweetheart.

 

Secret One: Use Technology to the Fullest

Did you know that putting the "I" into your relationship -- whether it be an iPhone, iPad or iPod Touch -- just might help keep the "we" part of the relationship strong and healthy. Regardless of what the love optimists say, the mind has this awful trick of blurring images that aren't in focus.


He might not forget your face, but over time, some of your lovely and wonderful features won't be as sharp as they were when you were together. If your sweet voice isn't lingering in his ears enough, then it is time to ramp up your social media skills. Here are a few suggestions for managing your long-distance relationship with the latest technology.

 

  • Look for plans, services or apps that offer unlimited sharing features. A free app called Pair was recently launched for the iPhone that allows couples to share exclusively videos and photos, text, and even sketch together for free.
  • Buy a webcam. While nothing replaces in-person visits, videoconferencing is honestly the next best thing to being there. If your computer does not have a built-in webcam, get an external one for around $30 for those late-night, intimate chats.
  • Sign up for a video chat service. In addition to the webcam, you will need an account with Facetime, Skype, Gmail, iChat, AIM, or another service. Placing and receiving video chats is simple and costs nothing or very little. As long as your loved one has an account on the same network, you can talk face to face for as long as you want.{relatedarticles}

 

Secret Two: Prepare a Care Package

Care packages are not just for college students or overseas servicemen anymore. Next to keeping your face in the picture and your seductive voice in his ears, your next move is to fill the void of some of the other senses that your boyfriend is missing that remind him of you. A care package is a perfect way to stimulate these sensations from afar.


 

If you love to cook -- and your beau loves to eat your cooking -- whip up a batch of his favorite cookies or brownies. If your fellow is a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy, you can still send him his favorites packed in dry ice. When the goodies arrive, all your honey has to do is pop them in the oven or microwave and bon appétit -- it is just like you are standing in his kitchen. Food is a perfect care package because it will satisfy those primal needs.

But don't just limit your care package to food. Send him a new playlist of his favorite songs and be sure to slip in "your song" as a surprise. Another idea is to appeal to his sense of smell by sending him a pillowcase with your intoxicating scent on it. To get the maximum effect, sleep on the pillow after washing your hair or applying your favorite perfume to soak up your effervescence. The trick is to surround your guy with scents that will remind him of you and your great times together.{relatedarticles}

 

Secret Three: Plan a Visit

 

You can get a lot of mileage from a planned visit before, during and after your trip. First, comes the building of excitement of planning your trip and what you will be doing once you arrive. Next, of course, comes the actual excitement while you are there. Then finally, the afterglow once you are back home reminiscing about how much fun you had and how you cannot wait until the next time.

 

Secret Four: Keep Yourself Busy

 

The greatest gift you can give your long-distance lover is to keep yourself busy. While reminiscing about old times is fine for awhile, you will need to talk about something new to keep your romance fresh. If you and sweetheart have mutual friends, go and hang out with them so you keep your fellow caught up on all the neighborhood gossip. Remember, you had a life before you met him, which made you the interesting and attractive person he fell in love with. Go out and rediscover yourself with the extra time on your hands.


 

 

Secret Five: Make Him Feel Touched

 

You now have secrets for satisfying 4 of his 5 sensations: sight, sound, smell and taste. But how do you satisfy the sensation of touch from long distance? When people talk about "touch," they are not just talking about the physical sense of touch.

The other sense is when someone feels "touched" and experiences that inner warmth that comes from knowing one is loved and cherished. You can make your boyfriend feel touched in many ways, but start by telling how much you care about him and miss him. No fellow ever gets tired of hearing about how important he is to you.{relatedarticles}

While the above secrets can be quite effective, remember that they are still only substitutes for the real thing. Be prepared for stormy weather caused by the strain of being apart. Relationships are very unpredictable.

One moment you can be basking in the sun and warmth of virtual intimacy, and the next moment feel that you are separated by a void as big as the ocean. Just remember to keep working at it until you unlock his heart with the right combination of secrets for making your long distance relationship work.


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When it's OK to Reconcile with Your Ex

Is on-again, off-again the story of your life?

Plenty of couples break up to make up. It's an age-old dilemma that even the best of us face. As romantics, we're often compelled to rekindle that troubled romance and take another shot at love. But is it really okay to reconcile with your ex?

Only you can say for certain what is right or wrong for your situation, but our friendly advice and little nuggets of wisdom will hopefully provide some food for thought during this period of soul searching.

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What caused the breakup?

It's important to think back and try to be objective about what led to the split. Regardless of whether it was mutual and amicable, or if you were the dumper or the dumpee, there is almost always a reason behind the split. Far too often we tend to gloss over the negative and focus entirely on the positive in times like these; the heart wants what it wants, as they say.


Ask yourself the following questions and answer them honestly:
  • How would reconciling affect the nature of the relationship?
  • Would anything change?
  • What made you unhappy when you were together?
  • Who or what was at fault?
  • What was good about the relationship?
  • Did the breakup happen because of a single issue (for example, infidelity)?
  • Was it something trivial (he didn't call when he said he would)?
  • Was it a build-up of things that finally hit a boiling point? {relatedarticles}

When analyzing the pre-breakup relationship, it can be helpful to write down a pros and cons list. Be brutally honest with yourself. Small self-deceptions will only harm you in the long run so save yourself some heartache.


Actions Speak Louder than Words

Oftentimes, getting back together with an ex happens because we expect that person to have a major epiphany and change. Perhaps he has promised to curb his inconsiderate ways. The harsh truth is, we are who we are. Many a breakup has occurred throughout human history because we have tried to change the person with whom we're together. However, it's unlikely you'll ever witness the transformation you've been awaiting.

Idiosyncrasies included, you must accept the individual as he or she is. You can communicate your grievances, and he may even make genuine efforts to acquiesce to your demands in order to be with you. But saying you are going to do something is much different from actually living it. So be wary of promises. Take some time and observe the "change." If his actions revert back to the same old situation, you'll know that his words -- along with his promise -- were empty.

The Heart vs. The Mind

The epic internal dialogue, the subject of countless books and films, what's right: the heart or the head? The song doesn't lie: breaking up is hard to do. While your rational mind may be telling you that it's not worth the emotional rollercoaster ride, the heart wants to put a quick end to the heartache - it says, if it feels good do it.

Usually, the heart is victorious. When you break up all over again, the mind scoffs at the heart's weakness. These two entities don't have to be diametrically opposed. Sometimes they do sync. It's all about striking a balance, and experience dealing with both life forces will arm you with wisdom in the future.


Don't get stuck on the notion that he's "the one;" there are plenty of fish in the sea that are probably just right for you. Getting your heart broken a few times will force you to be more selective about who you let in, while allowing your mind to recognize the red flags as early warning signs not to continue in a bad relationship.

Even when we know it's wrong to get back with an ex, we do it anyway. Why? Sometimes we have to make our own mistakes in order to learn from them. As long as the relationship wasn't abusive in any way, it's okay to give yourself this permission. The point is to grow as a person, take what you can from the experience, and resolve not to walk the same path the next time.

The 5 Stages of Grief

The grieving process doesn't only apply to the death of a loved one. The 5 stages of grief can be used for breakups, too. Identifying where you stand with your grieving can shed some light on whether you're ready to take him back.

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  • Denial - You are in a state of shock. You are trying to avoid the pain of this loss by refusing to accept that the relationship is over.
  • Anger - Once the reality of it sets in, you feel like you have been treated unfairly and may lash out at him or others in your life.
  • Bargaining - You or your former partner might make promises to change - that whatever caused the breakup won't happen again.
  • Depression - The inner turmoil of the breakup, usually consisting of the inability to sleep, eat, or accomplish daily tasks.
  • Acceptance - Moving on with your life and accepting the circumstances of the breakup, even making peace with your role in it.

The Logistics of a Relationship

Some breakups happen because of practicalities. For instance, one person is relocated out of state because of work or school. Additionally, a good relationship can begin too young and a desire to sow one's wild oats and experience what else is out there may emerge.

If you choose to try again, give yourself a time frame. If things aren't working out again, vow to end them after a set amount of time. After all, you could be much happier in a new relationship with someone who is appreciative and actively building a future with you than trying to resuscitate a failed relationship. A relationship should make your life better, not worse.

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Poet Kahlil Gibran once said: "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." Sometimes we have to take our own roads in life, and if those paths have the chance to meet again, there's nothing wrong with picking up where you left off in your relationship.


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Relationship Lies that are OK to Tell

One out of three conversations between non-married couples contains a lie, according to psychologist Bella DePaulo, and one out of every 10 conversations between married couples contains a lie.

How many do you tell in your relationship?

Lying is something everyone does, and it's not always wrong. Serious lies that betray someone's trust are not OK, and no one should tell those. But white lies are perfectly OK in a relationship and can even be good for it.{relatedarticles}

White lies help save your partner from hurt feelings, preserve the integrity of the relationship and keep you sane, so you don't have to deal with every little situation that could potentially end in an argument.

So which relationship lies are OK to tell?


 

Relationship Lie #1: Sex is always amazing with you!

While it may not be as amazing as you are saying, it's important to tell him this so he can feel as though he has the power to make your toes curl. It will boost his self-confidence and actually improve your sex life. When someone believes they are competent in something, they will be, and that is how it ends up benefiting you.

Relationship Lie #2: I'll pay for dinner tonight. I don't mind.

Offering to pay for dinner sometimes, even though you believe he should treat you, tells him that you appreciate it when he does pay for you. And it's likely he'll pay for the dinner anyway because he wants to prove he can pay for it and take care of you.{relatedarticles}

Relationship Lie #3: I love this shirt you bought me!

Would it be better if you told him the shirt is ugly? No, it would be rude. You don't want to hurt his feelings and you don't want to seem ungrateful, so telling him you love it is an OK relationship lie to tell.


 

Relationship Lie #4: We're going to visit your parents this weekend? I can't wait!

When you come between him and his family, he may resent you. Don't ruin your relationship because of his family. Telling him you enjoy spending time with his family and just biting your tongue the whole time is a perfectly good lie to tell in a relationship.

Relationship Lie #5: My parents love you!

So maybe your dad thinks he's a loser, and your mom thinks he's unattractive, but you couldn't tell your partner that. Instead, you tell him a lie so a civil war doesn't break out between him and your parents.{relatedarticles}

Relationship Lie #6: I agree with you completely.

When you disagree with him, it often turns into an argument, right? Some days you just don't have the strength or it's just not worth your time. By agreeing with him, you save yourself from having to explain why you feel different and stop him from trying to convince you of his beliefs.

Relationship Lie #7: You are better than my ex in every way.

Men have insecurities as much as women do, and this is particularly true when it comes to ex-boyfriends. To help him feel better about himself, tell him he is much better than your ex, even if you don't necessarily feel that way.


 

Relationship Lie #8: My favorite shirt you got me ripped, so I had to throw it out.

The truth may be that you think it's ugly, and you won't ever wear it, so there's no sense in keeping it in your closet. Telling him that you threw it away because you didn't like it would hurt his feelings. However, telling him it ripped or was stained beyond repair gives you a perfectly good reason to throw it out without damaging his self-esteem.

Relationship Lie #9: That shirt is so sexy. Wear it only for me.

The truth is it looks like something your grandpa would wear, and you don't want him leaving the house in it. Instead of telling him he looks ridiculous, you make him feel good about himself and still keep him from leaving the house in it.{relatedarticles}

Relationship Lie #10: Do these pants make my butt look big? You can tell me; I won't get mad.

This lie is only OK to tell if you don't get mad at him. While you may not like the answer, if he says that it dos make your butt look big, you cannot express anger over his answer.

If you can't control your reaction when he says that you don't quite look the way you would like to look, it's better not to tell this lie.


 

Keep in mind that many men know that when a woman says she won't get mad, she's lying and will get upset. So men who realize this will lie right back with, "It's fantastic on you!" -- even if it does make you look big.

How to Decide if a Relationship Lie Is OK

Before you tell a lie, think about how it will affect your man. Answer the following questions to decide if it's OK.

  1. Will the lie make your man happy, feel empowered or more in love with you?
  2. If he found out the truth, would it be something he would break up with you over?
  3. Are you lying about something morally wrong?
  4. Will your lie betray him?
  5. Is your justification of the lie in his best interest?

If you can answer these questions with a clear conscience that your white lie won't hurt him or the relationship, the lie is most likely OK to tell.{relatedarticles}

What to Do if Caught in the Lie

Sometimes people who tell white lies get caught. When this happens, the best thing to do is to come clean. Don't try to come up with another lie to cover up your initial lie. Remember the phrase, "Oh, the tangled web we weave."

Tell him that you told the lie because you didn't want to hurt him with the truth. You love him too much to see him upset, especially when the cause is you.

He may still be upset, but if you show that you only meant to be loyal and supportive, he will come around to see you only wanted the best for him because you love him.


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