1. The exhaustion that accompanies many of life's events can cause a wane in your sexual desire. Whether you're working more hours, have a new baby in the house or have recently moved, it is normal that you are going to feel extra tired or too exhausted to have sex. Perhaps what you crave more is sleep!
To regain the spark, try re-framing how you think when it comes to sex. Rather than seeing it as perhaps one more "chore" to get out of the way, look at it as a wonderful way to relax, recharge your batteries and renew your energy. If you and your partner trade massages, bathe or shower together before getting intimate, play some soothing background music -- the experience of making love will relax and rejuvenate you both.
2. Check the emotional temperature between you and your partner. If the air is full of tension, if unresolved anger and resentment lie between the two of you, sex is not going to appeal to you! Choose a neutral moment when you both have time and are in a relatively good mood to calmly air grievances, communicate unspoken resentments and discuss what can be done to resolve or make peace with the situation.
When done with mutual respect, this kind of communication may be all that is needed to reignite that spark. If things are beyond what you can resolve without help, consider couples counseling for guidance.
3. Chronic illness and medications can drain a person of sexual desire. This is definitely an issue to discuss with your doctor. There are almost always solutions -- so don't wait to bring this up. The more time that passes without sex or the desire for it, the more apt you are to just accept the situation. Why deprive yourself and your partner of the joys of sex if you don't have to?
4. Sometimes, people run into a predictable pattern when they make love. Eventually, the pattern can become a boring rut. Time to shake up the routine if you want to regain your passionate spark for one another. Try new positions, new rooms in which to have sex, a few toys, or a weekend away every couple of months. A change of the how and where and even when you make love can make a positive difference.
5. Distractions can make you feel sick of sex when the real problem is being tired of the interruptions. This can lead to a "why bother" attitude. Turn off the TV, phones, and computers. If you have young children, perhaps grandparents would love to have them for a sleep-over on occasion. If your kids are older, keep a lock and a "do not disturb" sign on your bedroom door. Explain to them every couple's need for some alone time.
6. Too much busyness and not enough alone time can make sex less appealing. If you and your partner feel like strangers who just share an address, create opportunities and time to connect outside the bedroom. Make a kiss and hug several times a day the new rule. Go on a date several times a month. Set aside a chunk of time each day to do something together, even if it is to share the household and yard chores. Communicate and catch up with each other's lives during this time. Sit beside each other on the sofa like you did when the attraction was brand new.
7. Taking each other for granted is a sure libido killer. Have a chat with your partner or just plain set the example. As elementary as this may sound, use good manners. Say please and thank you. Smile often. Do thoughtful and unexpected things on a regular basis. Write your partner a short letter and send it snail mail. Imagine the surprise! If either of you is busier than usual, pick up the slack at home for each other. Take turns!
8. Poor body image can sap your desire for sex. If this describes your partner, offer reassurance that he or she looks good to you. Point out, with honesty, your partner's attributes in personality, talents, and physical assets.
If this describes you, get reacquainted with your own body. You are more than your perceived flaws. Look for your attributes instead. When there are changes either of you want to make in the realm of appearance, be supportive and accepting. Cuddle, hug, kiss, caress, and relearn how to enjoy one another on a deeper level than physical appearance.
9. If your partner is practicing anything but good hygiene, this can definitely make you sick of sex. Bring it up gently, but firmly. Put hygiene in the realm of good health. Clean teeth and skin are healthier teeth and skin. Body odors carry bacteria. Dirty clothes worn routinely are a turn-off to most people. Suggest a shower or a bath together. This form of contact can often lead to intimacy.
10. If you're sick of sex because your partner's ways in bed are awkward, lacking rhythm or even painful, speak up. Don't be afraid to say, "I love this, but that doesn't do anything for me." It is perfectly okay to speak out when you need more time or when you're getting sore from intercourse that drags on too long.
The next time you find yourself thinking that you're so sick of sex, replace those thoughts of memories of the times when sex with your partner was over the top, exciting, revitalizing, and left you wanting more. Rekindle your own sexuality by trying new ways of thinking, new healthy ways of taking care of yourself.
It will be like the first time all over again and again and again.