3 Things You Should Never Do for Your Kids

One thing we have forgotten over the years that worked very well in my generation was the old F.I.A. from our fathers.... What's up with this 1,2,3 crap. Whenever I hear a parent start to count I want to spank them before they get to 3. Oh, before I forget..... F.I.A. Foot In a*s.... Votes: -5

I thought this article was going to be good but I find I disagree on all three items. You can do occasional homework with the child as a teaching session for a tough area but not on a regular basis. You can speak for your child in a situation that is overwhelming for age or grade- Example my grand daughter had a cla*smate post some facebook posting saying she craved oral sex and sex generally, and did it all them time. This was devastating and caused several boys to believe it and two actually physically attacked her at school events. This required parents speaking up. Choosing friends is very important, maybe not choosing by helping select friends. My son had a couple of friends from grade school who in high school got out of hand. I had him distance totally from them. About a year later, the two and one more brutally raped and stabbed a girl and left her for dead. Two went to prison for that. There but for my perception could have been my son involved.

You may be good at child raising but there is no substitute for having been there and done that for three children and some grandchildren.
Careful and perceptive parenting is a lost art in the US-dysfunctional families are the norm - who knows what is right and what is normal. Just look after you and yours the best you can. Votes: +4

This article is terribly written. Votes: +5

helecopter parenting has been around FOREVER!!! its not a new trend. I do agree with the 3 things you should never do for your kids. my mom always said "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". true then and now. Votes: -1

Never call your children names and curse and swear at them on public transportation. It upsets me. And then I have to do bad things until I feel better. Votes: -1

I adore my daughter but I NEVER did her homework for her. I helped if she needed it but always in the vein of showing her how to figure things out, how to research, how to do it herself. If we, with only one child can figure this out surely other parents can. Votes: -1

OMG!! That is so my wife, totally controlling and hovering. I keep telling her to stop doing every little thing for them. She's like her mother and now I understand why she is the way she is, doesn't do anything for herself because mom always did it for her. UGH!! Votes: +3

The pain I have to go thru to read these pages is disgusting.... 3 pages and I am not even there... the ads and pop-ups are irritating... I skipped the article to get to the comments page to say this... never visiting this site again. Votes: +3

Homework Find friends for them, and lake Vacations Votes: -2

we must attend all measures if you expect our children to measure up to whatever situation may come to the rise . yet they can just be as rebellious and so stubborn .yet you will always be the bad parent in their own eyes. Votes: -1

I would go a little further, and suggest that half of what you say to a child should be questions. Get them thinking! Votes: -1

Infuriating. I clicked through to page 3 and had yet to see "thing one" yet had already endured two pop-up ads and countless others embedded in the margins. I can't speak to the content of the article, but this site is crap. Votes: +5

7 pages to tell us 3 things? We get it, you just want us to click and click and click so that you can claim more views to your advertisers. It's annoying. I won't be back. Votes: +5

How about not raising your kids Jehovah's Witness? That's a big one... unless you want them to hate you with a burning pa*sion for the rest of their sorrowful, disappointing, tormented lives... Votes: -4

When I read an article I look for the main points. I do not have the luxury of scanning 10 pages to find three nuggets. Is this writer paid by the word or so. Next time I would not even consider visiting this website.
Good short articles with quick points is what we need. We do not have the luxury of taking time to read each and every word. I did not find that with any article I reviewed at your website. TOO LONG. Votes: +4

I was surprised about the statistic given about the number of adult children living at home as a reason children aren't being raised to be independent. I had to live at home after graduating college because I couldn't afford to live on my own. I would think that the economy plays a larger role in that stat than how kids were raised. In fact, with the way the economy is going, I imagine that percentage will increase rather than decrease for a long while. The other side to that is historically, families with many generations lived together in one dwelling. It's been a few decades with the change of families living apart, but it seems that going back to that makes sense for the younger generations struggling to find work and affordable housing. Votes: +1

I pride myself on not being a helicopter parent. However....never say never! When my youngest was sick with a chronic illness, yes I had to help/do some of her homework. My daughter is back in high school, and the only homework I help her on are the projects that she has to color or cut because she has joint pain in her hands. She is a GT/magnet student and I don't have a problem helping, because I know she has a medical condition. Votes: +0

When you child admits to doing something wrong, first, and foremost, thank him/her for being honest. Votes: +2

I disagree with your last one there. I see what you're going for, but you're giving contradictory advice. Let them choose their friends, but don't. At a certain age, they need aalll that responsiblity. But, they also need to told WHY, and rationale behind why this person is good and that person isn't. More importantly, the child needs to be heard and understood on their own decisions. What may seem like a bad friend on the outside could have a good heart, a vice versa. When I was 17, I flipped script and became "goth", and my best friend was "goth". But my mother judged him and then me so harshly for it. She just looked at the clothes and eyeliner and a*sumed we were up to no good. Not the case at all!!! I was the same sweet girl, I just *looked* different, and I found out that all the preaching I was taught about not judging people flew out the window in a heartbeat. Meanwhile, my brother stayed the same, still hanging out with his friends from Boy Scouts, and because of what that stands for, the whole lot of them were never worried about by their parents. But they were the ones people should have paid attention to, they went out drinking and smoking pot. So yeah, I think you need to explain a whole lot more about that last guideline. Please and thank you :) Votes: +2

Exactly what does the acronym "L.I.F.E." stand for? I could not continue reading past this point, because it seemed like I was not in on some insider secret this was obviously referring to. Votes: +2

As with colourmetwice, I am conflicted about your last point as well. My son is in 4th grade and one of his friends said he would not vote for Pres. Obama because he doesn't like black people. I have a real problem with that reasoning. I don't have a problem if you disagree with the President, but to chalk up issues due to his skin color is ignorant. Votes: +0

"written by sorry, April 11, 2012 03:57 pm: I am not reading a 7 page article 3 paragraphs at a time and click on to more ads each time."

amen. what a pain. there is an easier way, however - choose the "print" button - that will display a printable page with most of the article. Don't even need to actually print it out. Spoiler alert: the three things are Homework, Speaking For Them, and Choose Their Friends (none of which are a problem in our house).

On the other hand, this site doesn't require membership in a social network such as Facebook (yet) to post comments, so kudos to them for that, anyway. Votes: +1

The way I got my kid to stop screaming because he wanted somethings is while shopping one day he started asking for different things so I said ok but I told him that was all he was getting that day. He wanted something else and started screaming. I said nothing but started putting everything in the basket back on the shelves where we got it. He kept asking "Mommy, what are you doing? I said nothing and when the basket was empty we walked out of the store and I said when you are ready to not scream in the store maybe you will get something but until then you can't have anything. When we went to the store a week later he started to whine and I told him ok you can't have anything this time either. He got really quiet and he never screamed in the store for anything ever again. Votes: +0

I taught my child to "shop with me. eg smell the lettuce for a fresh one
pick out a certain bread by reading what it says and finally I let her cut out coupons before we went to the store...and if it was something we could use I gave her the value of the coupon when we got home. She learned about the value of money and sales on certain problems. It was a fun time and I never had a problem shopping with her! Votes: +0

Sure, this happens YET, instead of ONLY asking Child Psychologists look into History & the Global World because those Statistics of Adult-Kids moving home IS FAR BIGGER and more COMPLICATED than helicopter parenting!!! This IS NOT the damn Baby Boom Generation, there ARE NOT American Jobs for ALL of US who were told 2 finish College and you'll be set, let ALONE the fact students now pay more in loans than ANY previous generation, Incomes stopped rising w/ it tho Inflation kept on. That's not touching the surface of Taxes & Capital Gains Rates as if a Day Trader has the God GIVEN RIGHT TO EARN 400 TIMES what ANYONE ELSE IN THIS COUNTRY CAN MAKE!!!! Votes: +0

I agree with the article completely. A parents job is to raise productive, independent adults. I let my children be children, but I also instilled independence; hey used an alarm clock to get up in the morningk, They were allowed to forget an a*signment or backpack once a year that I would go back home and bring to them, only once ( I only had to go back for one child, one time); My older teenagers made the calls to the DPS to find the times they could get their license, get their school schedules, pay their car insurance, etc. I have been critized many times for not singing my teenager awake, or washing their clothes and putting them up, even fixing their dinner plate, but I wouldn't have done it different. My oldest children are grown now and fully capable of paying their bills, getting to work on time, making dr. appointments. My youngest has a few years left at home still, but he's a great kid and does his chores and still is my sweet little boy, only more mature and responsible than others. Votes: +0

It is hard to admit when you realize that you are a semi-helicopter parent. My kids go to a Montessori school so I have begun to see the critical importance of independence. It is hard to let go sometimes and let them do things for themselves, because it simply TAKES LONGER. But after 4 years sticking to this method I can really see the benefits and remind myself, in the scheme of things the harder it is now, the better it is for them later.

http://www.longestdays.com Votes: -1

Yes,it's good but u have to watch ur baby know whet she or he dislike and u have to know the next step u will take Votes: +9

all of them, would be my choice Votes: +0

We would also like to add never answer their questions without first getting them to think the question through and come up with an answer, this teaches them to think for themselves. If they can’t come up with an answer on their own, when appropriate, show them how to find the answer with research, exploration or testing. If we just told them how to get through the maze they wouldn’t get to experience it and learn from it themselves. Let kids learn by doing, experiencing, playing – not by telling, if you have the choice.

www.PlaSmartToys.com | www.Perplexus.net
@PlaSmart | @Perplexus1 | @PlasmaRide
Facebook: /PlaSmart /PlaSmartPerplexus /PlasmaRide Votes: +0

I appreciate all of the points in this article, however I would go one step further when dealing with a fellow student at school or the playground. It would be much better to ask the child what ideas or what he/she would like to try to do to solve an issue with another child. What are some possibilities and then choose one that you can role play with them. After they try it - if it does not work try a different one or make a new list. Allowing the child to come up with possible solutions gives them ownership. Role playing it with them gives them confidence to give it a try. Success allows them to feel great about themselves.

http://balancedlifeskills.com Votes: +1

Too much ad time. Thus did NOT read Votes: +1

Dont tell them any of the wild and reckless things from your own youth, it only gives them ideas to try Votes: +0

Oh great! Someone new telling us to just let our kids run amok! Gimme a break. If kids were perfect we wouldn't have to be hypervigilant all the time. They are KIDS. They need guidance. Your article comes across as just let the kids run free with no supervision. Although I do agree that doing for them is no helping them you still need to be vigilant until you are sure they get it right. This is all we need since you can't discipline your own kids anymore to let them just do for themselves all the time. LAZY parenting is all I got out of this. Votes: -5

The one thing you should always do for your child, teach. Votes: +1

What a poorly written, watered-down article. bleh. Votes: +0

Hi, I would like to know if the article writer has children of their own. The answer will not affect my opinion of this article which I happen to agree with. Votes: +0

It's amazing, that a simple individuals comments gives us a glimpse of their own childhood behavior. Votes: +0

This story is absolutely nothing new spread across as many pages as possible so you see all the ads. There is nothing in here to make it worth your time or trouble to read it. If you need this kind of simple information as a parent please proceed to the closest doctor and have yourself spayed or neutered as appropriate as you really don't need to reproduce and pollute the human race any worse than it is. Votes: +1

Parenting is fun. Lots of drama. Who needs tv when you have 3,5 or 9 screaming lil bastards running amuk tearing everything up?
Votes: +0

perhaps the writer of this article could use some grammar tips from kids. The first sentence threw me a bit, but when i arrived at "does do", i gave up. Votes: +1

To those who keep saying "don't do their child's homework for them", try re-reading the article......this is #1!!!!! Votes: +1

Wow... did we really did 7 pages just to tell us those 3 simple things? Next time suspend the insipid prattle and get straight to the point. Votes: +2

1 Thing You Should Never Do To Your Website Visitors:

* break your one story into seven separate pages. Votes: +2

Wow- 3 little paragraphs of drivel, and I counted no less than 19 separate ads. Now here's a web page high on my list of favorites Votes: +3

The best thing you can do for your child is talk to them like adults. If you expect adult responses, you'll get them. This includes what they say, do, and how they act. It doesn't mean to expect them to be adults, it just means to set the bar at what you want from them.

Secondly, if there is something getting in the way our relationship with our kids such as a toy or game, the solution is simple...we take it away, suspend privilidges or get rid of it altogether.

Third, we teach that it is ok to express your opinion and even say no at times, but it is not ok to belittle, make fun of, or pick on each other. Afterwards, if mommy or daddy still says it needs to get done, that's what needs to happen.

Our kids are currently 6 and 8 years old. They make their bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, take their baths, brush their hair and teeth, read, and study and complete homework primarily on their own.

I think the huge deciding factor on how they turned out was our ability to talk to them starting at 18 onths old. To explain the reasons why we do things the way we do. This enabled them to not only follow the rules, but to comprehend and process information independently.

We still play with them and hug and love on them. We're not super strict parents, but we do make our boundaries and expectations clear with them. Most of all, we expect the same standards from ourselves when we interact with them.
Votes: +1

The list is too short. It should contain "make your kids do chores" even if you are a stay-home mom, or even if you have hired help that does lots of cleaning. It should also include "make your kids pay for some stuff out of their own pocket," regardless of what your income is. If you have a moderate income and can afford to pay for their cell phone, great, but intentionally tell them they have to pay for part of the bill each month. Not because you need their money. But because they've got to learn how to handle recurring monthly expenses. Votes: -1

1. don't tug on superman's cape
2. aim your tinkler into the wind
3. don't hide the cars that Harry Reid has placed around Nevada to insure his reelection...you know the ones with all of the lost ballots in them Votes: +0

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my parents was the suggestion that I go out of my way to befriend someone who is different: a cla*smate of another ethnic group or color.

This practice gave me an early insight into discrimination, and how children practicing it are often simply mimicking their parents' attitudes, which they can have an opportunity to learn have been unfounded, by socializing with 'the others' at an early age... as I did.

G.G. - LegalMystery.com Votes: +1

Strongly disagree with the third one -- don't choose their friends. Has the author raised a child to adulthood yet? My guess would be no from this suggestion. As a responsible parent, we should be VERY involved in the friends our kids hand out with. I have personal experience from both my brother, who chose unwisely and is still paying the price for the direction his life took from that moment forward, to my own daughter, same saga. Votes: +1

Wow! What a great article. Frome time to time, as parents we need to be reminded of what our children need. Homework, never. I have not done it for them, not even once, but speak for them and choose their friends, I failed :) Votes: +0

Have you ever heard of using non-sexist language? Every single pronoun in your piece is male: "he, his, him." This is considered very bad form these days to consistently refer to the third person as male--this isn't the 19th century. Try using some balanced language, alternating between female and male pronouns, or use "him or her," "hers or his," or try writing an entire piece with "she, hers, and her" just to stretch your and your readers' minds a bit that female persons, children in this case, actually exist in the world. Votes: +1

way too long-winded and repetitive Votes: +1

Your formatting is terrible--you should allow for a single page. And it was a challenge to find the comment box.

I get high marks as a mom on all 3, but gritting my teeth with a friend that I couldn't stand was hard. Finally, he came to me and asked if were okay if he wasn't friends with Shawn anymore. After hearing his reasons, I simply said yes, buy inside I was dancing Gangnam Style!

Today, my son is getting a PhD, a patent, and he hasn't lived at home since he was 17. Votes: +1

One thing you should never do for your readers: Title something like "three things you should never do for you children," and then spend paragraphs getting to them. Votes: +2

NEVER split your children's articles into seven short pages. It'll give them the impression they've generated content when they really haven't. Oh, and never never never make a "top 3" list and then begin the actual list on page four, after a bunch of pointless filler. Votes: +1

7 pages and 5000 advertisements. I found a similar article on the same three "never's" on
the one page. Votes: +0

Three things professionals should never do:

1) Don't give "homework" requiring technology, materials or equipment not in the home
2) Don't expect our children to do your projects beyond our financial means
3) Don't tell us how to parent, we won't tell you how to teach courses Votes: +2

When I see a "show it all on one page" link, I'll click it. Until then, I'm not convinced it's worth reading, considering it's at least seven artificially short pages. Votes: +1

Young adults don't generally live at home because they're lazy, they live at home because they can't find a decent job! My parents taught me andmy siblings to work from the time we were very young, in my case that was at age 7. You wanted something, you worked for it! I went to college for computer science and information systems, have 2 technical certifications as well, yet I'm stuck at home unemployed! To say that my parents didn't teach me to be self reliant or independent is ridiculous. I paid for my first car, my clothes, my food, my first home, which by the way is now gone since theres no where to work anymore. Our parents take us back in because otherwise we would be homeless because there is no work, and when there is we get paid nothing! I went to college and worked to death, sometimes 100 hours a week or more! In fact, I worked an average of 100 hours a week for thelast 6 months to develop a website to hopefully break the cycle of unemployment. But I'm lazy? Again, ridiculous. Yeah, we all go to college so we can end up homeless and living back at home with no job! You're an idiot for writing this ridiculous article. You haven't got a clue! Votes: +2

I would semi-agree with #3. You should never force friendship on your child, but there are times when you need to step in and stop your child hanging out with some. I've only done that once, but I have never regretted it. (The other kid had a pellet gun and was shooting at the neighbor's dog. When I told the parents they didn't see what the problem was. "Pellet guns don't hurt anybody." Don't get me wrong; I'm not against guns at all, but I'm very much a proponent of gun SAFETY, and it was obvious this family didn't have any sense of that.) Votes: -1

Never, "give yer kids anything, but praise when they deserve it. Otherwise. Make them earn everything. It will not kill 'em ! Votes: +1

Although I agree with the intention of the three nevers, I disagree with the absolute attitude of the never. I have done each of the three on rare occasions when due-dates have coincided disproportionately while my kids have paced their work out appropriately and technology malfunctions have presented unmanageable hurdles in their otherwise manageable paths. We have two basic rules in our home, one, unrelated to topic at hand, 'NO ELECTRONICS ON CONCRETE' and two, 'if grades slip below predetermined standard, then mom micro-manages' starting with bedtime, screen time, and social limitations.

Clarity and consistency makes our rules very effective. Since I stopped negotiating with my kids, their grades have consistently stayed between 3.7 to 4.0. Our minimum is 3.5. You do have to know your kids, but shoot for a high target and set a high minimum with success nets in place. I have great respect for my kids as individuals, but this rule, basically our only rule, was non-negotiable and will not be up for future debate. My kids know to ask homework related questions up front and save the sob stories after grades are posted. They also know if I ever get a phone call from school, I am siding with the teacher and they will default into my consequences in addition to any served at school. My kids also know that Dad is a key architect of the plan and Mom is the maintenance manager. Votes: -1

Too many ads on these pages. Who can read any of this without going bonkers? Votes: +3

I also disagree with the 3rd one like many other commenters. Friends have a lot influence on your children's lives. Most kids get in trouble because of their friends. It is called peer pressure. You want your children to hang out with kids who are polite, responsible, motivated and respectful. You are who you hang out with. I give the same advice to grown ups. Votes: +0

I gathered from a few of the comments what some of the content might be, but I didn't get to read the article. Having to relaid the next page for every 2 paragraphs is ludicrous and a waste of time. One might argue that it took
longer for me to reply with a comment than it would be to read the article. One would be wrong. By the time I finish this reply, I would still not have gotten to the very first of the 3 things. Mydailymoment needs to rethink the format Votes: +4

Could you make reading this article any more difficult???...between the advertisements, numerous pages and the page moving on it's own every 10 seconds, I never did finish reading it... Votes: +3

My comment is about the page. WAY too busy. I don't even want to stay and read it. More than seven pages when there can be 2. Please rethink the format. Votes: +0

rambling,rambling,rambling-tell us something or don't write at all Votes: +1

I'm 27 and everytime I go to my Mom's house for the holidays, she is the ultimate helicopter-parent. Always asking if she can get me a pillow/food/etc, and trying to doing my dishes (because I sit near them to make sure she doesn't do them when I'm not looking) when I literally just made something and am sitting down to eat it. I've basically taken care of myself since I was 15 and raised my sister since she was 12 when our parents split. Every time I go there she does this and every time I tell her I prefer to do things on my own, but nothing changes. It's a huge source of frustration because she thinks I'm ungrateful and I think she doesn't realize I'm an adult. Learning to take care of myself was hard enough in college because I never had chores/curfew/any rules growing up, and I don't blame anyone for that. I just want to not be treated like I'm 14 when I'm in that house. Votes: +0

This article is very superficial. What's really happened is that the majority of baby-boomer parents wanted to be "friends" with their children and not actual PARENTS because that means being unpopular. The article could be shortened to: "The one thing you should never do with your child". Answer? NEVER be their friend......if you don't parent them through into their young adulthood....you're not a friend, but rather a self-absorbed, narcissistic, insecure burden on society - raising DEPENDENT creatures rather than autonomous, self-reliant, secure adults. Votes: +1

In extreme cases, with extreme and unreasonable teachers, I have actually done homework for my kids. If the homework seems like nothing more than busy work, and my child has a really good grasp on the subject, I have no problem with sending htem out to play or sending them to bed and finishing the a*signment. It is my belief that homework should be viewed as a tool - if I see that it's a tool being misused, or that it will have ZERO positive effect, I am all for giving your child a little nudge. Of course this is after having conversations with the teachers first - if they don't budge, I will.
http://www.slowfamilyliving.com Votes: -2

Seriously, 7 pages to click through for a 3 point article? Stop wasting my time. Votes: +6

7 pages? Seriously. Instead of reading the article like I came to do I will be closing this stupid page and moving on. 3 pages is annoying. 7 pages is just freaking ridiculous. Also... Yes I fell that point was worth posting about without even reading the article. Votes: +5

"you're the gatekeeper of your child's affairs"

#4 Don't let your kid have affairs. Votes: +0

Imagine my surprise when I realized that the same feelings can hit fathers too! Votes: +1

Dr. Borba was obviously never a parent. Wonder what his/her doctorate is in anyway?? Votes: +1

Can you make an effort next time to produce a gender neutral article? Unless this article is about raising little boys (it's not), it really should not be "he", "his", etc. Votes: +1

So what were the three things? This article gives one general thing -- "don't be a helicopter parent". Duh.
Votes: +1

Hate these "3 things you should never do" articles that are sliced up into 10 pages. Just tell me the 3 f**king things you idiots. Votes: +1