3 Things You Should Never Do for Your Kids

["Take a recent poll conducted by Harris Interactive for the National Endowment for Financial Education. It showed that 40 percent of American adults aged 18-39 reside at home or have done so in the recent past. That figure also excludes students."]

This example doesn't validate your point that helicopter parenting is wrong. With this current economy, it is hardly surprising that so many of that age demographic live at home: according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 21 states have an unemployment rate the same or higher than the national unemployment rate (which is 8.5%). This doesn't count those who are underemployed, like I was after I graduated from college. I was forced to live at home while I worked 2 minimum-wage jobs. College doesn't do much for your savings account, so if you don't have employment waiting for you upon graduation, your parents' home may be the only option other than homelessness or welfare. Votes: +21

As a teacher, I cannot emphasize the first point enough. Nothing is more frustrating than grading a parent's work when the child is struggling to grasp a concept. In the end, the student learns nothing but avoidance, manipulation, and increased co-dependence (I have seen functionally illiterate people graduate because of mother's writing skills), the teacher is coerced into giving an inflated grade to a non-students, and students who are truly working and trying are discriminated against because their parents are responsible enough to make them learn. Votes: +23

Boycott this website/publication immediately. What a a cheeseball scam to post the headline as 3 things and then make people wade through how many pages of content to find those 3 things. Boycott. BOYCOTT!!! Votes: +22

It should never take four pages to get to the point. I didn't even read your dribble about helicopter parents. Seriously, what is the point of your article, you need to focus one one topic at a time. Votes: +18

Louisa....did you even read the article? Homework was #1 lol.
Also, why is everyone talking about taking kids to the store? This article is about things not to do for your kids.
And I agree with all 3. It is amazing how many friends and other acquaintences I've known who don't believe these 3 simple rules. Very selfish, impatient, and controlling people in my opinion. Votes: +7

Does this article really need to be split up into 7 pages? I'm not clicking through all of that. Votes: +14

Seven pages? Really? I know sites are hurting for page views, but this is too much. The only saving grace is that you have a Print view that pulls all the pages together.

As for the content of the article - I'm glad someone out there is giving a voice to the opinion that too much "helicopter parenting" hinders a child's growth. It's important to let children grow, and sometimes fail, and learn from their failures. Better to fail and learn how to deal with and recover from failure while the stakes are generally low in the childhood years... Votes: +9

Wow, I only got through 2 pages of 1 paragraph per page and 2 popups before I quit trying to read the article. You might have written a great article, but I will never know. sorry, won't be back. Votes: +24

The almighty page click on websites is so important now that soon each page of these articles will only one have 1 sentence. NEXT > Votes: +13

I am amused by the ranting folks who had to 'wade' through too many pages. It sounds like they were raised by parents who gave them the instant gratification that they crave.
t o o m a n y w o r d s WAH! Votes: -3

Best thing you can teach your children is...Be responsible for your own actions. Votes: +4

On the subject of not speaking for your child and allowing them to ask for things and learn to use their own voice, I have an exception to the rule. If you are in a fast-food restaurant such as McDonalds or Subway, and your child is not yet fully confident in speaking loudly and clearly to state their order (or does not yet understand what kinds of food that restaurant has), only let them order for themselves if things are quiet and slow, like during off hours. It's actually surprisingly noisy behind the counter of a Subway (I can't speak for McD's), and many employees rely on a combination of lip reading, hearing the customer, and asking for clarification, all of which are a little more difficult when you are dealing with a soft-spoken child. Of course they must learn to order food for themselves, I'm just saying, let them learn to do this during quieter, slower times rather than slowing things up for the customers behind you in line. In my opinion, this is just as bad as not choosing what you want while you're standing in line for five minutes, and instead waiting til you get to the front to decide what you want, or holding up the "one minute" finger while on the phone in line at a restaurant (my last boss had a rule that if a customer did this, we were to help the next customer in line and then go back to that person once their clearly-too-important-to-order-before-finishing-the-phone-call was done). Votes: +1

I thought this article was laughable. Have you ever tried talking to a committed helicopter parent? (And committed applies in both senses of the word.) They are convinced, and I mean C-O-N-V-I-N-C-E-D, that what they're doing is right and everyone else who tries to tell them differently is W-R-O-N-G!!! I've tried. The comment that one day you'll need to let your kid do her homework on her own, then you can check it and help her if she has any problems elicited a screaming fit of how I didn't understand anything about parenting and how she had to be right beside her child to do her homework with her. Comments that maybe she should let her daughter handle an obstacle on her own are replied to with the information that her job as a mother is to smooth out every obstacle in her daughter's life because her daughter shouldn't have to deal with them. Any time her daughter doesn't get what she wants (from any one other than her mother), her mother is right there trying to bully the other person on her daughter's behalf. So now the daughter knows if anyone else (another child or even a grown-up) won't do what she wants, the girl goes straight to her mother so the mother will try to make the other person give the girl whatever she wants. And every time one of the girl's friendships explodes (something you can imagine happens regularly), the mother always blames the other child, never her daughter. So her daughter is convinced that whenever something goes wrong with a relationship it's always the other person's fault. (That's going to work wonders in her future marriage.)

I completely understand what type of parent ends up calling a college complaining about a child's test scores or calling an adult child's employers because they didn't like their annual evaluation. Because this is what helicopter parenting leads to...........and the parent will still think they're doing what's right.......that they're being the best parent while everybody else are bad parents.

The helicopter mom I'm referring to in this post won't even let go of her daughter after she's dead. She wants her corpse to be turned into a diamond so the daughter can wear the rock around her neck for the rest of the daughter's life (how's that for ironic symbolism)........and no doubt the mother will then want to be buried with the daughter.

And you think anything as rational and reasonable as this article would make an impact on that kind of thinking!?

That's laughable. Votes: +14

How sad that so many people are complaining about seven pages being too much to read. I think we found the other problem with most kids: lazy parents. Votes: -2

One of the comments posted was alleged to have come from somebody who is 12. This is a direct violation of COPPA. (Childrens Online Privacy Protection Act)Unless of course you obtained parental consent, though i doubt you did for a comment. Many of you probably didn't think twice about such a comment. However should the federal government decide to enforce it, you would lose your website. Votes: -4

People should have to take a test to become parents - so indulgent - then when it's time for them to go out on
their own, they stay at home and can't get a job because they're not independent enough. Kids want the big money NOW. It's beneath them to work at a fast food restaurant or some other entry level job. So they live at home and
use up their parents money. Give them a deadline to leave, hold yourself to it and then change the locks! I can't
even think how the next generation will end up. They have to have everything now their parents
worked 25 years to accumulate, the nice home, furniture, car, etc., etc. Votes: +7

First - Incredulous, your reply was absolutely distasteful and insulting. Send your kids to Penn State with a towel? Seriously? Why do you think that the ENTIRE university is ONLY about football and the actions of a sick predator who used his so called 'charity' to lure kids in? I'm not a big sports fan so I happen to know that Penn State has an incredible academic program and is one of the top 5 recommended universities (including the 'Ivy League' schools for a variety of majors). That wasn't even what this article was about - the 'kids' who ARE at Penn State are NOT the perpetrators in the scandal you smugly reference. They are up there and WOW - out of their parent's house for approximately 98% of them (State College is a not a 'family town' - it is too small). These kids are doing what they can to grow up and improve their lives and you want to use the school as somewhere that we can send 'young kids' to teach them a sick lesson..which wouldn't even happen as the perpetrator NO LONGER WORKS THERE! Sickos like that are everywhere and we should teach ALL KIDS OF ALL AGES to be vigilant. Wow, I'm so shocked at your comment I haven't even gotten to the point that the article doesn't address.... Votes: +0

As with all things, what works for the majority, doesn't address sometimes very PAINFUL exceptions/minorities. Try being the parent of a kid with special needs and trying to decide where to 'draw the line'. Try being the parent of a kid who is extremely intelligent and can handle mainstream cla*ses but has been chronically ill since the age of 2 and missed 2 years of high school due to immune system problems. Just where do I draw the line when i see piles of 'busy work' come home - not only for the kid with special circumstances, but also for my overachiever (who is now 24 by the way) and I watch my over-achiever staying up until 2:00 AM EVERY SINGLE morning and getting back up at 6:00 AM so she has a HOPE of being in the top 10 kids in her school (the top 1%). Self-motivated by the way, I thought all my hair would fall out when I used to beg her to please stop before she had a nervous breakdown (and yes, she came close). I watched this 4.2 GPA student who graduated with honors and was offered and has achieved SO many things, also be hit with a SLEW of busy work that had NOTHING to do with the actual subject matter. Extra credit for teens who bring in a box of kleenex? Seriously? She didn't have time for this, but the top 1% was so competitive that the others DID. We called it 'point grubbing'. Also, if she got a substitute, her cla*ses were all so advanced the sub would give them word searches (yes folks, I'm talking HIGH SCHOOL) because they could rarely understand the work for these cla*ses. I do not blame the subs, but for these kids who are working so many hours with ENDLESS amounts of homework and often trying to squeeze in jobs, the extracurriculars, etc. - I sure as heck did help her from time to time. Sheesh, not with any 'CORE' subject, she was way past my ability to help, but when schools in our state seem to not 'TEACH' in the cla*sroom and instead send home piles of work with doesn't even align with the curriculum for a given grade (try 3 grades behind), then NO, I'm not going to have her waste her time if she cannot get to it. By the way, she managed to get to 99% of all the bull a*signments too. I can count on one hand the times I helped her and it was never on key material. I sure hope your states and high schools are different than ours, but since elementary school, it would take me 2 to 3 hours to go through folders and 'sign off' (the school REQUIRED it, not me) on things that added NO VALUE to my child's education. I NEVER had the amount of homework these kids have today and yet we are being outpaced by other countries..why is that? I want schools to make the work COUNT - let the kids LEARN...not toil over things that teach them nothing. We have 5 teachers in the family and they ALL agree with so much stuff being non-value added. Also, it is always NOT the teacher's fault either.

So, overachiever on one hand and a constantly ill, learning challenged child on the other hand who is as smart as the older one. Raised them the same way at the start. Took Love & Logic when younger one seemed 'stubborn' to me. 18 years later, I can tell you it was nothing that Love & Logic could 'fix'. I'd love to see some articles about the challenges of drawing boundaries and still trying to raise eventually responsible adults with children who have hurdles to overcome that I only WISH Love & Logic was the answer to. Votes: +4

My apologies for not proofing my last reply - I meant to say "Also, it is generally NOT the teacher's fault either - they are just as frustrated as we are with some of these things."

Votes: +2

It is so much fun to watch other parents trying to get out of the grocery store with a child screaming for candy! I think the clerk wants to give them the candy for free just to get rid of the screaming kid! I always set rules with my daughter BEFORE we went to the store. If everything went well, I would reward her for good behavior(not always with candy. I also had a good resource for child behavior at www.parentstrainup.org . Votes: +0

Click through 7 GD pages just to read this crappy article? UGH!! Votes: +2

You know what truly irritates me? So called "experts" telling people how to parent, as if every child is the same. The second thing is that there is actually a NEED for an article like this! Don't do your kids homework? NO KIDDING! I know some parents do and it boggles my mind - how do they expect the child to LEARN?? Don't speak for your kid? Gee, make them self-reliant! WHAT A CONCEPT! Don't pick their friends? Wait...you mean TRUST YOU HAVE RAISED THEM RIGHT UNTIL THEY PROVE YOU WRONG??

You should need a license to have kids. The fact some people are too stupid to figure this out amazes me. Votes: +5

You know what? It SCARES me that this story has to tell parents common sense concepts. Every parent should know that they are raising a child to go out into the rough and tumble world where no one is going to be standing behind them saying, this is the right answer, he wants the #2 Steak fries not baked potato and oh no don't talk to that person, you might not like him. Bet these are the same folks who never took the time to insure their kids knew basic life skills either like cooking, laundry, and cleaning house. I must be a parenting genius for having made my kids do their own home work til they got it right, had them make their own decisions when eating out and actually making friends without a social director. Not to mention by middle school they could cook a meal from scratch, do their own laundry, could keep house and a host of other life skills needed for when they moved out and discovered a maid did NOT come with that apartment. I feel very sorry for any child raised by a parent who found this story educational. Votes: +2

I see NO harm, in giving your children ALL what they need and SOME of the things they wat, but the challenge comes, when you try to do just that ans something else has gotten in the way, perhapps pear pressure OR rebellion OR fear of some sort bestowed on a child, which in some cases, I feel should not deter a guardian from continuing to try, for after all, the bottom line is to never allow satan in any form, stop you from doing the best you ca.
PS: In my opinion, your "best", does NOT mean joining in with your children, especially when it comes to drugs or alcohol. That (I feel), gives a child the wrong impression that it's ok to do so, which could cause more harm that have to be.
After all most children mimic what they see their parents do and that, in the short/long term, can/is extremely hazardous to their life.
PPS: My suggestion is to train them up in the way they should go and when they grow, they won't depart, even with any bad experiences, they will always have that LIGHT BULB, to appear, that will HOPEFULLY, steer them BACK where they are safe and is better off at.
PPS: This one is coming STRAIGHT from the heart and I HOPE/PRAY that someone gains some POSITIVE from it, for I AM, a mother/grandmother/neighbor who genuinely care about our children and ALWAYS will, through it all.
God bless ALL!
Sincerely,
Mrs. ELois P. Clayton
unemployed CADC/Medical Coder & MT
Votes: -1

I clicked to read through the story and gave up having to hit to page two THE MOST ANOYING THING ABOUT ARTICLES ONLINE HAVING TO CLICK NEXT MORE THAN TWICE!!! Not to mention the pop ups and advertisement windows... won't ever ever ever come back again.... Votes: +5

Wow. Im not one to complain about a website, but this site is very difficult to navigate. Plus im on a cell phone, so they those annoying advertisements popups and I have to zoom in just to see the tiny x in the corner. The problem is when I zoom in, the advertisement re-centers itself on the site and disappears off my screen. And 7 pages to read a 3 item list. No thanks. Votes: +4

The comments on here regarding if people don't know these things that are listed by the author they should not be parents. For the most part parents who have planned and prepared to have chilren have excellent parenting skills. In my opinion poor parenting is reflected the most in people who unexpectedly get pregnant by whoring around, and your 16-18 year old single mothers. There is a significant amount of kids having/raising kids in the US, to me that is the biggest issue. Go into the inner city of most urban areas and in many rural areas and the ten pregnancy rate is scary high. I can only use my own personal experience of fathering 2 children at a very young age (22). I look back on it now and it hits me like a slap in the face how ill prepared i was to be a father compared to now in my late 30s. I am more financially secure and more responsible, I have no doubt that I am a much more effective parent now compared to when I was 22. Votes: -1

You guys it is NOT just pregnant teens who parent like this...you too are a*suming way too much! My mother in law is scared to death for us to buy our own house! AND when we moved out of HER house(actually her and my hubby split the rent 50/50 & it was NEVER her house!) because her son "promised" his dying father & yes he did die! that he would take care of her she was in her early 50's & I get that can be lonely.... But she eventually re-married but before she did, She would bring this dude she met to spend the night & my husband was NOT comfortable with it! and told her so before she even tried it...see he worked 3rd but neither me nor his mother worked 3rd...So we moved out, but she ALMOST threw a fit saying she wanted us to be her family like her second family she couldn't understand why we wanted our own place!...Talk about weird! Oh and she tells her son that since she only gets 4 hours of sleep then he can do it also! he has a bad heart condition by the way! and no it really is bad, because the doctor usually demands to see him every 3 yrs for an EKG! Plus she could've got more sleep if she really wanted too! she was upset that her son wanted a life/family of his own! She did not have him when she was 17 he is the youngest of 3! This family has a lot of the major values I have but..... wow! When I decided to accept his proprosal I did not make him ask my Dad as I was 22 1/2 and to me that is an adult! if you are 18 you might want to go slower but you are an adult now...not at no 27-35 years old seems like kids are staying kids LONGER when are the parents going to stop with this non-sense?! Time to grow up, by time you think you are old enough to manage a family you won't be able to reproduce! or at least it will be dangerous or not as easy or complication free as women shouldn't try to have kids past 35-45 Plus when you do get married you should allow yourselves time to just be together no kids! Because when you do have kids they will take up all your time! So Please! 23 is NOT "too young" to get married or have kids especially if you were raised right! Duh! Heck I know my cousin who got married and already has 2 kids and is 21 & they are not living in the street or something! They have other problems... like too many smartphones..but marriage...kids..Please! If you are a college student...guess what!? your most likely 18+...guess what that means... you are an ..gaspp!!... Adult!!! Votes: -2

Thanks for blaming bad parenting for the number of young people past high school age who have had to rely on their parents for food, shelter, and support. I'm sure the economy has NOTHING to do with this. :rollseyes:

Also, I'm glad to see so many excellent parents on this website. Where are the cruddy ones that we're trying to shame into giving up helicopter parenting? Seems like there's a lot of self-congraulatory onanism going on here. Votes: +6

One thing we have forgotten over the years that worked very well in my generation was the old F.I.A. from our fathers.... What's up with this 1,2,3 crap. Whenever I hear a parent start to count I want to spank them before they get to 3. Oh, before I forget..... F.I.A. Foot In a*s.... Votes: -4

I thought this article was going to be good but I find I disagree on all three items. You can do occasional homework with the child as a teaching session for a tough area but not on a regular basis. You can speak for your child in a situation that is overwhelming for age or grade- Example my grand daughter had a cla*smate post some facebook posting saying she craved oral sex and sex generally, and did it all them time. This was devastating and caused several boys to believe it and two actually physically attacked her at school events. This required parents speaking up. Choosing friends is very important, maybe not choosing by helping select friends. My son had a couple of friends from grade school who in high school got out of hand. I had him distance totally from them. About a year later, the two and one more brutally raped and stabbed a girl and left her for dead. Two went to prison for that. There but for my perception could have been my son involved.

You may be good at child raising but there is no substitute for having been there and done that for three children and some grandchildren.
Careful and perceptive parenting is a lost art in the US-dysfunctional families are the norm - who knows what is right and what is normal. Just look after you and yours the best you can. Votes: +3

This article is terribly written. Votes: +4

helecopter parenting has been around FOREVER!!! its not a new trend. I do agree with the 3 things you should never do for your kids. my mom always said "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". true then and now. Votes: -1

Never call your children names and curse and swear at them on public transportation. It upsets me. And then I have to do bad things until I feel better. Votes: -1

I adore my daughter but I NEVER did her homework for her. I helped if she needed it but always in the vein of showing her how to figure things out, how to research, how to do it herself. If we, with only one child can figure this out surely other parents can. Votes: -2

OMG!! That is so my wife, totally controlling and hovering. I keep telling her to stop doing every little thing for them. She's like her mother and now I understand why she is the way she is, doesn't do anything for herself because mom always did it for her. UGH!! Votes: +2

The pain I have to go thru to read these pages is disgusting.... 3 pages and I am not even there... the ads and pop-ups are irritating... I skipped the article to get to the comments page to say this... never visiting this site again. Votes: +2

Homework Find friends for them, and lake Vacations Votes: -1

we must attend all measures if you expect our children to measure up to whatever situation may come to the rise . yet they can just be as rebellious and so stubborn .yet you will always be the bad parent in their own eyes. Votes: +0

I would go a little further, and suggest that half of what you say to a child should be questions. Get them thinking! Votes: -1

Infuriating. I clicked through to page 3 and had yet to see "thing one" yet had already endured two pop-up ads and countless others embedded in the margins. I can't speak to the content of the article, but this site is crap. Votes: +4

7 pages to tell us 3 things? We get it, you just want us to click and click and click so that you can claim more views to your advertisers. It's annoying. I won't be back. Votes: +4

How about not raising your kids Jehovah's Witness? That's a big one... unless you want them to hate you with a burning pa*sion for the rest of their sorrowful, disappointing, tormented lives... Votes: -3

When I read an article I look for the main points. I do not have the luxury of scanning 10 pages to find three nuggets. Is this writer paid by the word or so. Next time I would not even consider visiting this website.
Good short articles with quick points is what we need. We do not have the luxury of taking time to read each and every word. I did not find that with any article I reviewed at your website. TOO LONG. Votes: +3

I was surprised about the statistic given about the number of adult children living at home as a reason children aren't being raised to be independent. I had to live at home after graduating college because I couldn't afford to live on my own. I would think that the economy plays a larger role in that stat than how kids were raised. In fact, with the way the economy is going, I imagine that percentage will increase rather than decrease for a long while. The other side to that is historically, families with many generations lived together in one dwelling. It's been a few decades with the change of families living apart, but it seems that going back to that makes sense for the younger generations struggling to find work and affordable housing. Votes: +1

I pride myself on not being a helicopter parent. However....never say never! When my youngest was sick with a chronic illness, yes I had to help/do some of her homework. My daughter is back in high school, and the only homework I help her on are the projects that she has to color or cut because she has joint pain in her hands. She is a GT/magnet student and I don't have a problem helping, because I know she has a medical condition. Votes: +0

When you child admits to doing something wrong, first, and foremost, thank him/her for being honest. Votes: +1

I disagree with your last one there. I see what you're going for, but you're giving contradictory advice. Let them choose their friends, but don't. At a certain age, they need aalll that responsiblity. But, they also need to told WHY, and rationale behind why this person is good and that person isn't. More importantly, the child needs to be heard and understood on their own decisions. What may seem like a bad friend on the outside could have a good heart, a vice versa. When I was 17, I flipped script and became "goth", and my best friend was "goth". But my mother judged him and then me so harshly for it. She just looked at the clothes and eyeliner and a*sumed we were up to no good. Not the case at all!!! I was the same sweet girl, I just *looked* different, and I found out that all the preaching I was taught about not judging people flew out the window in a heartbeat. Meanwhile, my brother stayed the same, still hanging out with his friends from Boy Scouts, and because of what that stands for, the whole lot of them were never worried about by their parents. But they were the ones people should have paid attention to, they went out drinking and smoking pot. So yeah, I think you need to explain a whole lot more about that last guideline. Please and thank you :) Votes: +1

Exactly what does the acronym "L.I.F.E." stand for? I could not continue reading past this point, because it seemed like I was not in on some insider secret this was obviously referring to. Votes: +1