Handling Infertility: Your Own, Your Friends

The emotional rollercoaster of trying to have a baby can take its toll on the relationship that you share with your girlfriends, whether it's you or them who's trying to conceive. If you're the one trying to get pregnant, then stress, self-esteem issues and hormonal fluctuations have probably made you an emotional mess. {relatedarticles}And the consolation people might offer is cold comfort. When your efforts don't work, people might suggest adoption or offer up the "surefire" ways to get pregnant that worked for their sister/coworker/cousin. It can be hurtful to hear overly optimistic or pessimistic predictions as well. However, the people who love you mean well, and it's important to remember that. They may not know how to support you in the right ways, but their support is there. When a friend or family member is the one experiencing infertility, then expressing that support is integral.
Don't make assumptions about her feelings or express excessive optimism - "You must be so depressed!" or "I just KNOW this IVF cycle will work!" - because you don't have any guarantees about her feelings or outcomes. {relatedarticles}Another sticky situation might arise when friends of childbearing age get pregnant and are ready to break the news to a friend struggling with her fertility. If you're the pregnant one, then you don't want to make an infertile friend feel left out by delaying the news and telling everyone but her. But consider her feelings when you do break the news - you may want to do it privately, rather than in a large group, so that she can express her emotions honestly. What's important - regardless of which side of the infertility issue you lie - is to be a good friend.