Which way do you swing when your child behaves? What's best - spanking or time outs? Before you even get to the point where discipline is needed, experts say that kids need clear-cut boundaries so that you can head off discipline problems before they even happen. Certainly, those boundaries need reinforcement - sometimes frequently - but when children know what's expected of them, they not only are less inclined to misbehave, but they're also more likely to feel more secure. Heading off the unwanted behavior before it happens by anticipating it and diverting the child's interest is a great way to avoid disciplining altogether. If the child is heading toward the wall with a crayon in his hand, simply giving him paper and telling him that we only color on paper can keep him from needing discipline. Of course, kids will slip, and when they do, it's important to correct the behavior. More and more research is proving the ineffectiveness of spanking; a recent Wall Street Journal article cited three studies that concluded that spanking even impairs cognitive development in children.
Spanking is even illegal in most European countries. Many parents do it because they were spanked as children and can be surprised when it doesn't work on their own children. Even well-known pediatrician, Dr. William Sears, doesn't advocate spanking - and he has eight kids! Sears says spanking models violence, showing children that the way to resolve conflicts is by hitting, which isn't a good lesson for them to carry into adulthood. A well-executed time out seems to be the best way to correct behavior. Instead of labeling it as "time out," however, why not call it something less punitive? Experts suggest adding the child's name - "I think you need some Johnny time," for example, or calling it "quiet time." Set a timer, especially for younger children who may not know how to tell time, and give the child one minute per year of age. Explain why the child is in time out, then allow him to serve the time. When the time is up, remind the child why he went to time out and ask for an apology, then give a hug. This way, the child doesn't remember an angry mommy throwing him in the corner; he remembers what he did and that you still love him.