Thinking about sending a naughty picture to your honey's phone, just to have a little fun, maybe to get psyched for a special evening the two of you have planned? Before you hit send, you may want to think twice.
These days, it seems there is new technology out nearly every week. It literally changes the way we live.
Think back to a decade or two ago. Maybe at the time, you were a college student, had just gotten married or were getting your start at a new job. Back then, texting was just barely on the horizon. Now it seems we can't live without it. As we've gotten more used to texting, some of its dangers have surfaced, especially in the last couple of years.
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While sexting may seem innocent enough at the time -- maybe you're using it to flirt, prove your commitment to someone or just have fun -- what about those who use sexts to hurt, harass or humiliate? When sext messages get into the wrong hands, the results can be disastrous. Here's a closer look.
What it Is: More than Just a Clever Play on Words
The term "sexting" is a clever play on the words "sex" and "text messaging." It's basically when someone sends a provocative photo, which may include complete or partial nudity. The most popular way to send sexts are via text message, but messages also may be emailed and eventually saved on computers.
What may start out as a personal sext to one individual can eventually end up on other people's phones, emails and worse yet - Web sites. Unfortunately, once an image appears on a Web site, it's not necessarily easy or even possible to get it off.
The worst part is, once you've sent a text message with a sexually explicit photo, you have no control over it, but the recipient does. It's not like a sext comes with a confidentiality agreement.
So who are the groups most likely to engage in sexting? Teenagers and young people ranging from age 13 to 26.
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Professional Dangers of Sexting
Because the majority of "sexters" are young people, they have perhaps the longest amount of time for those images to haunt them. Sexting increases your visibility in the virtual world, and because it is so easy to access information on the Internet, there's a good chance a lapse in judgment could become a longtime or permanent obstacle.
Whether you're a young professional going out for that new job or have kids who want to get into their dream college or make the cut for that exclusive athletic organization, nothing can call his or her character into question like sexting. Because your photo can pop up anywhere, anytime, when you least expect it, there is a chance future and current employers can view it.
Perhaps no one understands that better than U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, who, after being caught for sending lewd photographs of himself to women online resigned in June 2011 amid a torrent of media coverage.
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Emotional Dangers of Sexting
Say you send a sexy message (accompanied by a photo, of course) to someone you've been in a committed relationship with, thinking it will never get out. He may not intend to send it to anyone, but what if his phone is lost or stolen?
Maybe he has a not-so-reputable old friend from high school who happens upon it while your man is in another room. What if you have a bitter breakup?
Photos you thought no one else would see could end up on other peoples' phones and potentially racy Web sites. It's embarrassing and humiliating, for one. A momentary lapse in judgment can taint years of a reputation you've worked to build.
The emotional dangers of sexting are even more pronounced with teens, who may have fragile self-esteem to begin with and may contemplate suicide. Unfortunately, teen girls have killed themselves in the wake of texting scandals on more than one occasion.
Legal Dangers of Sexting
Sexting also can have legal ramifications for adults and teens alike. In the case of infidelity, it can break up a marriage and, in especially contentious divorces, phone records dating as far back as a month can be pulled up, even when text messages have been deleted.
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For moms out there, the biggest legal issues right now involve adults soliciting and sexting teens, which in many cases, is considered criminal behavior.
Legislation has cropped up in more than 20 states that can actually result in child pornography charges for teens who send text messages, and sometimes, their recipients. That's because any nude or semi-nude photos of minors under the age of 18 constitute child pornography. It's a serious punishment for 13-and14-year olds that engage in sexting. Just how do parents protect their kids from this behavior and its consequences?
Legal ramifications of sexting are changing all the time and are murky, to say the least, when the age group meant to be protected by the laws is being punished by them, as well.
Think Before You Sext
In the best of cases, a sext is kept within the confines of a committed relationship. While the rationale behind sexting may be innocent enough, say if you both want to have a little fun and spice things up a bit, the consequences can often do more harm than good.
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After all, if your phone or your honey's got into the wrong hands, you have to ask yourself: Would you want this photo to end up on the Internet where your boss, parents, cousins and siblings could see?
Maybe you've already snapped the shot and are about to hit that send key. Before you do, you may want to consider some alternatives to the ever-notorious sext. Could you leave a sexy note on the counter or the car for his eyes only?
Another option is purchasing a camera with a docking station. Even if it feels outdated in this digital age, connecting your camera directly with a printer allows a distinct advantage -- it isn't saved and it can't be traced. Plus, it can be kept within the privacy of your own home -- now there's an idea!
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Ask your man about his idea of a hot movie to get you in the mood, and it's likely you'll get a one-word answer: porn. The notion makes many of us ladies wrinkle our noses, but why is that? It probably has something to do with the way we're wired.
When it comes to steamy flicks to get us in the mood, having an in-depth story line definitely helps, anything to give that emotional connection. Then again, if you're looking for a film that gets both going, you don't want anything that is borderline sappy chick-flick.
It's a fine balance, finding a movie that will appeal to his basic instincts and your need to connect and stimulate all senses. Luckily, some of the major movie studios haven't let us down. There's a little bit of something for everyone here, with some tempting options spanning the '80s, '90s, and 2000s. Here's our take on the top 4 hottest movies to get you going.
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Wild Orchid
What it's About: When Emily accepts a job with an international law firm, it comes with 1 condition: She must be able to fly out the next day to Rio de Janeiro to help the firm's top executive, Claudia, close the sale of a hotel. A turn of events pulls Claudia away to Buenos Aires, and Emily is encouraged to take her boss' date, James Wheeler, for the night.
Emily is instantly drawn to Wheeler's quiet and intriguing personality. After a slew of sexual encounters (including one with a masked stranger at Carnival and heated conversation with Claudia and a surfer in their hotel room) the sexual tension Emily feels for Wheeler comes to a breaking point.
Why it's Hot: The scent of wild orchids like the ones Wheeler gave Emily can all at once be both overwhelming but beautiful, much like the intoxicating cloud that seems to envelope the setting for this movie with lustful undertones.
Add the steaminess of Rio with the intrigue of Carnival and the allure of Mickey Rourke (in 1989, pre-surgery of course) and it's no wonder that Emily was swept along on a wave of lust and desire that even she couldn't seem to control.
Tasty Tidbit: The original cut was edited to be suitable for an R-rating. Look for the uncut version, with a love scene between Claudia and Wheeler that is rumored to this day to be more than merely acting.
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9 1/2 Weeks
What it's About: This mid-80s flick could be described as borderline "S&M in the City." A chance meeting at a Chinese grocery store in New York City is the location where their eyes first locked. And then, as luck would have it, Elizabeth (played by Kim Basinger), a Soho art gallery assistant, and John, a commodities broker, meet again at a local flea market.
This time, John presents her with a stole, and after taking her back to his houseboat, offers an experimental sexual relationship. She accepts, and in the weeks that follow, Elizabeth is swept up in the eroticism. As the sexual journey unfolds, the movie comes to an unexpected conclusion.
Why it's Hot: In everyday life, it seems there is a routine, a familiarity with relationships and intimacy. From the start, Elizabeth and John do not follow the traditional path of romance. After all, John blindfolds her during one of their first sexual encounters - a foreshadowing of what is to come.
As the movie unfolds, John calls Elizabeth at random times, encourages her to experiment with her sexuality, pushing her to the brink of her limits. As the two fall deeper into their sexual obsession, Elizabeth spends her workdays in a haze, perhaps partly from lust and partly from lack of sleep.
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Once again, it doesn't hurt that John is played by a 1980s Mickey Rourke, the decade's hottest commodity.
Tasty Tidbit: One scene to watch for is when John blindfolds Elizabeth and feeds her an array of foods, tantalizing the senses. Want to see what makes this scene perhaps the most talked about from the entire film? You'll have to watch and find out.
Basic Instinct
What it's About: This movie has some of the most alluring facets of a Hollywood film. It has a little rock 'n roll, mixed with murder and of course - sex. The stage is set with the murder of rocker Johnny Boz. When San Francisco detective Nick Curran (Michael Douglas) is assigned to the case, he immediately suspects crime novelist Catherine Trammel (Sharon Stone) and, coincidentally, Boz's girlfriend viciously killed him. The murder weapon: an ice pick.
Interrogating her turns out to be harder than he could have imagined. Catherine is not only intense and seductive, she's also clever. What follows next is a mind game first fueled by lust and then lived out in wild sexual forays the likes Curran has never experienced.
Why it's Hot: Nick and Catherine's relationship begins as a cat-and-mouse game of sorts. The mind games build anticipation for the torrid sexual relationship to follow. Mixed in is a sense of danger. Catherine says she'll base her next novel's main character on a cop who falls in love with a woman who eventually kills him. This flick is truly a thriller with explicit sex scenes thrown in, for good measure.
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Tasty tidbit: Director Paul Verhoeven must have done something right, because the thriller turned out to be one of the top grossing films of the 90s, raking in more than $350 million. The original version was originally rated NC-17, but after cutting nearly a minute of explicit sex scenes, it was dropped back down to its mainstream R-rating. If you want to see the film in its entirety, look for the director's cut.
Secretary
What it's About: Meet Lee, a subdued young woman who has just gotten out of a mental hospital for her masochistic habits and returned home to Florida. She takes a job as a secretary at Edward Grey's law firm. Edward has a unique management style. Typos and other office errors call for a firm spanking, where Lee must place both hands on the desk while he hits her lightly until her skin is reddened.
While this may sound borderline abusive (not to mention violating all sorts of sexual harassment laws), it's presented in a deliciously fun way as Lee begins to crave her boss' hard hand of discipline. As she begins to purposely fail just to receive more spankings, sexual fantasies ensue.
Why it's Hot: This quirky play on the secretary-boss stereotype takes the notion of dominance and submission role-playing to the extreme. While we tend to stray from an attitude of subservience in our everyday lives, this film has fun with the concept in a purely sexual way.
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Throughout most of the film, Edward and Lee don't actually have sex, but instead fantasies build the anticipation. It doesn't hurt that Edward is played by James Spader, already known for his TV role as a charming, quick-witted lawyer, and that Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) appears so sweet on the surface but is ready to do most anything - no matter how deranged - to get sexual release.
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At the beginning of a relationship you tend to see only those things that are most endearing. It takes no effort to see only the best in your man. But a funny thing about relationships is that as they grow, the things you once found endearing become downright irritating.
Suddenly all of his bad habits are shining like a bright beacon and you are ready to snuff out the light. But can you really break his bad habits?
Is this really a bad habit?
The first thing you have to ask yourself is if what you are dealing with is really a bad habit or simply an annoyance. If it's not addressed, a bad habit could end up becoming a destructive force in your relationship. But an annoyance is something you can usually learn to live with.
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If you decide that something he does is just pesky, learn to let it go. We all have a way of rubbing someone the wrong way. All you have to do is ask him and I'm sure he will tell you about the things you do that annoy him.
If on the other hand you decide it's a deal breaker, then it's time to address it. How you go about doing this can mean the difference between a broken habit and a broken relationship.
One Habit at a Time
No one likes to be presented with a laundry list of all the things they do wrong. If you are going to deal with this once and for all, do it one habit at a time.
As soon as you start rattling off your list, he will immediately tune you out. Eventually he will move into defense mode. So determine now to tackle just one habit at a time, starting with the worst offense.
When you begin to see progress with one, then move onto the next habit. Approach each one with a desire to help him, not as a way to spotlight all his faults.
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Don't Nag; Ask Questions
Alerting someone to their bad habits can be a sensitive topic. So the way you approach it is important. Determine ahead of time that you won't nag.
Nagging makes the person feel like you are talking down to them. It comes across as demeaning or to some men, like nails across a chalkboard. It will almost always have the opposite effect of what you are trying to accomplish.
It's best to start off by asking indirect questions such as, "Why do you suppose you..." and then fill in the blank with the bad habit. Your question might take him off guard. It could be that he didn't even realize he was doing it.
Or he might not have known that what he was doing was a concern to you. By asking a question, you allow him the opportunity to think about a solution, instead of immediately feeling like he has to defend himself.
However you should also be prepared for denial. Some people just really have no clue they are doing something that has become a bad habit. If he denies it, be ready to give him specific examples.
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If you generalize his bad habits, it will be harder for him to see them as real issues. However, if you have concrete examples of behaviors you think are toxic, then he has a better chance to understand and make concrete changes that you can track.
When you share your examples, don't use it as an opportunity to vent. Talk in a calm and gentle manner. He will be more receptive to what you have to say.
At the same time, you want to express why his bad habit could be destructive to your relationship. If you are going to bring up what could be a sensitive topic, there should be a valid reason for it.
You should be able to clearly explain how it makes you feel. But be careful to not use words such as, "You do this" or "You make me feel," which will immediately put him on defense. Instead say, "I feel" or "It makes me feel."
Help Him Find Solutions
The idea isn't to open his eyes to a bad habit and then leave it at that. Be willing to help him find a solution.
Try to come up with realistic, helpful ideas. Telling someone to just stop doing something isn't a way to provide support and motivation. You should be willing to be part of the solution.
It could be that his bad habit is something he learned as a child. It may take a bit longer to overcome. Or it could be that his bad habit is simply a matter of changing one thing.
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For instance, you may have started to feel more like a maid to your man. He drops his dirty clothes wherever he happens to be standing at the moment. It's a bad habit that you aren't willing to put up with.
A simple solution might be providing a basket or laundry hamper in the room he most often gets undressed. If he doesn't have the tools available to change his habit, don't expect much progress.
Be His Accountability Partner
Once the bad habit has been brought to light, help him be more accountable. Not in a way that you are constantly bringing it up but in gentle reminders.
You should both decide on a reminder that won't be offensive. Using the dirty clothes as an example, instead of shouting, "There you go again, leaving your mess all over for me to clean up!" turn it into something more playful.
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Remember that bad habits don't change overnight. Expect him to slip up and at times even resist. How you react will determine how the situation plays out.
When it comes right down to it, no one can really break someone else's bad habits. If you try to exert your will over another person's life, it usually ends up backfiring. They have to be willing to make the effort, but you can be their biggest cheerleader.
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