Trust is an important part of any relationship. If you don't have faith in your boyfriend or husband, the connection you share can't help but feel hollow. Yet, like everything else that matters in life, the bond you have with your significant other isn't black and white.
The gray areas will always be there, especially if you have reason to believe your partner is not being up front with you. While it isn't ideal, peeking at his Internet history may give you some insight into the true character of the man of your dreams.
But beware. You just might see some sites that should never pop up in his browser. So take a deep breath and consider this list of five web sites that you don't want anywhere near your man's computer.
Pornography Sites
If you find out that the love of your life has a few favorite sites that qualify as porn, you may have an issue. Although it doesn't always mean anything is wrong with your relationship, some women think it's a deal breaker. That's because the need to watch porn could point to deficiencies in the real-life romance.
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Also, there are cases where porn becomes an unhealthy addiction. And that can't help but do damage to the sexual chemistry you've developed with your man.
The other side of the story is that porn may be an exciting way to freshen up your sex life. So you may look at such sites as a plus, not so much as an insurmountable crisis.
However, every woman has her own view of porn. You'd be wise to draw your own conclusions on this subject. But if you feel pornography shouldn't be part of your man's browser, use this topic as an excuse to have an open discussion about what you want from this relationship. It might take your bond in a new and important direction.
Dating Sites
You've been through lots of ups and downs with your man, which, logically, leads you to believe you're both committed to each other and no one else. But then you find out he's got a collection of dating sites in his browser. What does it mean? Unfortunately, such a discovery may not a good sign for the happily ever after you've imagined with this guy.
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Some men like to explain that they're just on these types of sites to meet people. It's as innocent as that. But if this is really the case, why choose sites that are designed to create romantic attachments? That's the question you have to ask yourself in a situation like this.
Gay Sites
When you plan to live the rest of your life with a man, the last thing you'd ever want to find in his browser are pages and pages of gay sites. It can only spell doom for your future, if you've always wished for a heterosexual, monogamous guy to be with for years to come.
But there is always the possibility that your main squeeze is simply curious about homosexual love. It may not be anything more than that. Of course, this can be a very embarrassing topic and one that the man in your life is hesitant to admit. Yet this secret interest may be the true reason behind his habit of storing gay sites on the home PC.
Still, the fact that you've found these web sites should give you reason to take a step back and really look at this relationship. It could be that your man is truly attracted to his own sex. If this is the real reason for his behavior, it will certainly get in the way of the romantic aspect of your attraction.
Couples counseling may be the way to go to figure out the next step in your relationship.
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Spy Sites
You've been dating your life partner for a while and think you share a mutual trust. But everything changes in an instant when you discover he's been browsing through sites that enable him to spy on your computer activity. Now that goodwill is out the window.
Every aspect of the faith you thought you had in each other is under scrutiny because he has revealed that he doesn't believe in you. Whether his paranoia is because of past infidelities or he just has problems trusting women in general, this doesn't bode well for your future as a couple.
The fact that he's taken this extreme step to watch you online when you don't have a clue he's around brings up other disturbing questions. Where are his ethics? Does he have any? And if he is going out of his way to monitor you so secretively, what kind of information is he holding back from you?
These are all topics that need to be discussed before you can build any kind of trust with this man again. Otherwise, this cagey behavior is only going to get worse, building a foundation of suspicion on what should be a satisfying relationship.
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Married Or Cheating Types of Sites
You've taken marital vows and they mean the world to you. But what happens when you find out your very own husband is fixated on sites that help him cheat on you? Believe it or not, these web sites are pretty common. And they can spell the end of the marriage you've held so dear.
Not only does this discovery speak volumes about your hubby's trustworthiness, but it says a lot about his respect for you in general. The slogan for one site is, "Join us today! It's free. Don't be married and bored or married and lonely. You can have fun meeting up with other marrieds in your area for married affairs and much more."
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Sadly, however, the act of having an affair has been glamorized on the internet. Some of these sites actively promote the excitement of this kind of passionate liaison, creating marketing slogans that make immoral behavior fun. Your significant other may just be one of the many men who fall victim to a catchy advertising campaign, even at the expense of your marriage.
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If you don't know the importance of having protected sex by now, you have probably been living under a rock.
Society has repeatedly driven home the magnitude of safe sex. The message is simple -- if you don't want to end up pregnant or with a sexually transmitted disease, cover up during your intimate encounters. The most effective way to prevent pregnancy or an infection from an STD is abstinence. While refusing sexual contact does eliminate the risks of pregnancy and potential illness, it can also limit the development of a loving relationship.
If you choose to add a sexual component to your life, make sure to examine the wide selection of birth control methods at your disposal. Just as having sexual intercourse involves personal preference, so does picking a contraceptive. Not all types of birth control fit every person's needs. Luckily, there are a number of alternatives out there.
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Contraception for Women
To avoid pregnancy, some women find the birth control pill to be best. There are 2 different types: combined oral contraceptive pills and progestin-only pills.
Each kind of pill operates differently, so it's important to understand how they work. Then you can decide which one suits your lifestyle.
The combined oral contraceptive pill includes two hormones -- estrogen and progestin. These hormones work together to stop ovulation, or the release of an egg, and limit the sperm's movement. Although this pill is a good way to prevent pregnancy, it does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases or HIV. It is recommended that condoms be used in conjunction with these pills.
When prescribed and taken properly, this kind of birth control pill has many benefits; among them are decreasing a woman's risk for ovarian cancer and reducing the chance of benign breast masses. The pill can clear acne and make premenstrual cramps more bearable.
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But with these attractive features come some issues as well. One of the biggest problems with the pill is remembering to take it at the same time each day. If you ingest it a few hours later than your normal schedule, you could be unprotected. This means you run the risk of ovulating and potentially becoming pregnant.
Additionally, the combined birth control pill can cause:
- nausea;
- spotting;
- headaches; and
- depression.
Blood clots are also a risk that can occur from taking this pill, though it is rare. Smokers are 1 risk group who should not take the pill.
The other type of birth control pill is the progestin-only variety. Its greatest advantage is that it does not contain estrogen, so women don't have to worry about suffering from the side effects associated with this hormone. Also, the amount of progestin is less than in the combined version. Therefore, the overall hormone intake is reduced in this form of contraception.
Like the combined pill, the progestin-only type of birth control reduces:
- menstrual cramps;
- headaches; and
- mood swings.
However, an irregular menstrual cycle is a reported problem with this kind of pill. Women also have complained about weight gain or bloating because of regular use of this contraceptive. A healthy diet and exercise can make these side effects much more manageable.
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If possible side effects and the burden of remembering to take a pill every day don't sound very appealing, another option is the cervical cap. Spermicide is placed inside this latex device before it fits into a woman's vagina and onto her cervix. It's designed so that the suction prevents sperm from entering the uterus.
Women who choose this form of contraception should make sure to get a new cap on a yearly basis through a doctor or nurse. This is not an over-the-counter purchase. Besides this, it does offer a lot of flexibility to the user.
Not only is it small and easy to transport, but it also can be inserted up to one hour before sexual intercourse. Also, at the time of its placement, it works continuously for 48 hours straight.
A couple can have sex multiple times, and the cervical cap will still be effective as long as it's left in at least six to eight hours after the last interlude. Although it's constantly at work blocking sperm from entering the uterus, it does not interfere with the pleasure of having sex. In fact, a woman's partner won't know it's there unless he's told.
There are risks, however, to using this kind of contraception. The cap can cause inflammation on the surface of the cervix. If a woman is allergic to latex, irritation could result. But the greatest danger of all is a serious infection called toxic shock syndrome. This can happen if the cervical cap is kept on for more than 48 hours.
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So if you choose this birth control method, be very aware of how long the cap has been in place and make sure to remove it after a suitable amount of time has passed.
A diaphragm is another way a woman can block her cervix from any sperm. Like the cervical cap, it is fitted by a physician and can be inserted several hours in advance without causing any hormonal side effects.
However, this birth control tool does have several risks. Not only is toxic shock syndrome an issue if the diaphragm is left in for too long, but it's been known to cause urinary tract infections.
There is also the chance it could move around during sex, so women who use it should consider sexual positions carefully and check to make sure the diaphragm is still in place.
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Contraception for Men
Women are not the only ones who are responsible for making thoughtful contraception choices. Men also have a role in this process. The most common form of birth control for men is the condom. They're made of polyurethane and are designed to prevent bodily fluids from mixing during sexual intercourse.
In addition to protecting against most STDs and the transmission of HIV, they stop sperm from entering a woman's uterus to block pregnancy. This form of birth control is the best way to prevent any kind of sex-related infection, too.
However, not all STDs are preventable with the use of a condom. Genital herpes and syphilis, for example, are immune to condom use because they can be passed from one person to another through infected skin surfaces. Also, condoms can be ripped or torn by fingers, jewelry or anything sharp, so great care needs to be taken when putting on this product.
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No matter what form of contraception you choose, be sure to understand the risks and benefits before engaging in any sexual activity
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Whether it's going to the same restaurant every week, doing laundry every Wednesday, or hitting the sack at exactly 11 p.m. every night, routines can get boring. Similarly, having sex with the same person - and only that person - for a long period of time can get boring, too.
But if you still want to be in a relationship with them, what do you do? You can't cheat, as that will destroy the trust and honesty in your relationship. So what other options are there? When that feeling of sexual routine begins to set in, many forward-thinking couples nowadays consider swinging as a solution.
Swinging began in the 1960s during the hippie era of sexual revolution. It involves bringing other sexual partners into the bedroom; often this is done as a couple with another couple or a partner, individually while the other partner watches, or just individually and one-on-one.
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All activities are done with the permission of the significant other, though, so there are no feelings of betrayal or hurt.
Swinging is usually not just a one-time thing. Most couples who consider themselves swingers treat it as a lifestyle, regularly attending swingers' parties, meeting other swingers, and going to swingers' events. The most popular place for swingers to go is swingers' clubs.
What is a swingers' club?
A swingers' club is just what it sounds like: a nightclub for swingers. Now, not only swinging couples are allowed into swingers' clubs. These clubs typically allow couples, single women and single men, though there is usually a limit on the number of single men allowed in the club at one time.
Whether part of a couple or not, most people who come to a swingers' club are interested in exploring new sexual partners or sexual fantasies. Swingers' clubs serve as a place for these people to meet others with these same interests. Many clubs even have backrooms or VIP areas in which visitors can partake in sexual activities with other patrons.
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Many swingers' clubs have a bar and serve alcohol to help keep the conversation flowing and visitors' inhibitions low, even featuring:
- a DJ;
- a dance floor; and
- sometimes even stages or dance cages for entertainment.
What might I see at a swingers' club?
A swingers' club is not the place to go if you are conservative or modest. Though not all clubs offer a VIP or activity room, it is very likely you will see some nudity and possibly even illicit sexual activities.
At the very least, you will see many other couples and singles, dressed to impress and meet potential sexual partners. There is also likely to be a good number of intoxicated people and dancing. Depending on the location of the swingers' club and the time of night, you could really see any age, race or size at a swingers' club. From 21 to 80, members of the swinging lifestyle span all generations.
Be prepared to be approached or propositioned. Since the premise of a swingers' club is to connect people interested in exploring other sexual partners, most patrons will be very blunt and upfront about what they are looking for. They won't be shy about complimenting you, propositioning you, staring at you, or asking you sexually illicit questions.
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How do I get in?
Typically, swingers' clubs charge a high admission price at the door. This is to keep out anyone who is not truly serious about the swinging lifestyle. It also goes toward keeping the club clean and safe for all patrons.
When you get to a swingers' club, you will have to check in at a front desk area. You may be asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement, stating that you will not share any details of what you see in the club during your visit. You may even need to turn in your cell phone; this helps guarantee privacy of the patrons, ensuring that no pictures of activities at the club are taken or transmitted.
If you want to visit a VIP or activity room, there may be additional charges, as well as precautions (such as wearing a condom), to which you will be required to submit. Each swingers' club is different, however, so these requirements will vary.
What else should I know?
Many swingers' clubs have a BYOB (bring your own beverage) policy. This is either because they don't have an alcohol license with which to sell alcohol to patrons, or they discourage the use of alcohol, because it impairs peoples' judgment and makes them less likely to act safely and use protection.
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If you plan to drink at a swingers' club, be sure to check the club's policy before going. You may need to bring your own beverages.
Most swingers' clubs have an abundance of condoms available for patrons. In order to ensure your health and safety, though, bring your own condoms if you plan to participate in any sexual activities during your visit.
For couples in a committed relationship who are interested in exploring other sexual activities and partners, swingers' clubs may be an option. Before visiting a swingers' club, however, ensure both you and your partner are in agreement as to what's allowed and what is off limits.
This will ensure neither of you is hurt in the event one of you participates in sexual activities with another patron while at a swingers' club or event.
Swingers' clubs can also be good options for single people who are not looking for a monogamous relationship and are interested in experiencing a free sexual lifestyle. As mentioned previously, though, many swingers' clubs will limit the number of singles allowed in on a nightly basis.
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Remember, swingers' clubs typically do not advertise or make themselves very well known. It may take some research through online swinging groups to find a swingers' club near you.
Also, it is important to note that the legalities of swingers' clubs and their activities vary from state to state. Before you make plans to attend a swingers' club, make sure to investigate your state's laws first. Otherwise, your first foray into swinging could very well be your last.
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