Passionate Sex: How to Overcome Boredom in the Bedroom

By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Q: I love my husband, but somewhere along the line we've become more like friends than lovers. We had an amazing sex life early in our relationship but now we're lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do it's pretty unremarkable. I really enjoy sex and I'd like to make it a regular part of our life again. Any suggestions?

A: First of all, you need to take solace in the fact that you're not alone with this problem. Most couples in long-term relationships note a marked reduction in the quantity and quality of sex as the years progress. When you're wrapped up in the heady euphoria of a new relationship, it's hard to imagine that the grinding reality of daily life can ever dampen sexual desire, but, voila! Here you are, years later, juggling kids and a mortgage and a new career, and sex just isn't a priority. And the first step in rejuvenating a lackluster sex life is the awareness of this natural ebb and flow.

Providing there aren't medical reasons for your dwindling sex life (if you're not sure, have a doctor check you out), there are some simple ideas you can incorporate into your life now that can help you and your partner resuscitate your sexual desire:

1. Prioritize sex.

Both partners need to make a commitment to nurture the physical aspect of the relationship. It's a big step to acknowledge that you've been neglecting passion. But once you do, you can begin having the discussions that will get you thinking about sex and eventually bumping it up on your list of priorities. There is no shame in saying, "Hey, we got caught up in life and left something behind that we really miss. Let's agree to openly and honestly work on this together."