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Friday, May 24, 2013
Featured Quizzes
Are You Having An Emotional Affair? Find Out
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Cheating emotional affairs love platonic friendships relationship issues relationships romance women
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Cheating emotional affairs love platonic friendships relationship issues relationships romance women
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What are signs that you are having an emotional affair?
If you have a feeling that what you are doing is wrong or are unsure if a new friendship is inappropriate, there are some tell-tale signs of an emotional affair that can confirm your behavior.
- Most or all of the meetings and conversations you have with the other person are kept a secret from your partner, friends and family.
- You say and do things you would never do in front of your spouse or significant other.
- You share emotions, ideas and thoughts with the other person that you don't with your partner.
- You are increasingly preoccupied and find yourself "daydreaming" about the other person.
- Interest in sexual or emotional intimacy with your spouse has dwindled or become non-existent.
- You feel like your new friend understands you better than your partner.
- You think crush-like thoughts and about your possible future with this person.
- Increasing sexual tension is present and you often touch this person in "harmless" ways, such as a pat on the back or touch on the arm.
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1) We should prioritize a single emotional / physical relationship.
2) To develop another relationship that threatens or upsets this main relationship is inherently bad.
3) Physically or emotionally intimate relationships are zero-sum entities -- the importance we give to one relationship automatically diminishes any other relationship, and the development of a new relationship cannot improve or enrich our existing relationships.
Implicit in this set of a*sumptions is the notion that loyalty to one's primary / habitual partner must take full precedence over such things as personal fulfilment and happiness, opportunities for self-development, sexual compatibility, the abandonment of an oppressive living situation etc., and that it is therefore impossible to strike a workable balance with other intimate relationships. Indeed, the very term 'emotional affair' is itself a value-loaded expression, not a neutral descriptor.
My view is that there is no fixed set of a*sumptions about intimate relationships that works equally well for everybody. No two individuals will rank the issues or activities that are important to them in the same order, or with the same intensity of feeling. It is up to each of us individually to periodically renegotiate them with the people who are important in our lives. This applies even when we have caring responsibilities for others, such as children or dependent invalids: in such cases we may have to make greater compromises in our personal or romantic relationships than otherwise, but I think it is unreasonable to insist that we owe an unquestioning loyalty to a partner who is failing to meet some important needs.
The emergence of what the unnamed author of this article calls an 'emotional affair' is a clear indication that not everything is satisfactory in a person's habitual primary relationship, especially if it cannot be openly acknowledged. It is an unfortunate but sometimes unavoidable fact that a partner who seemed to answer all our needs when we were 25 will not do so at 45, either because they have changed, we have changed, or both. In this situation, one of the most salient questions for both parties to examine is the nature and extent of the shortfall.
Taking effective remedial action will involve trying to be honest both with oneself and the other individuals involved, and trying as hard as possible to be both clear-thinking and fair-minded regarding the best course to take.
The process may be difficult and painful, and it may sometimes involve the end of a long-lasting relationship; but if the alternative is remaining in a one-sided or loveless marriage, for instance, the price will probably be worth paying.